~SilverBird~

Death of the Silverbird

2008-10-09T01:50:00.002-08:00

I am going to stop posting on this blog. Due to recent events, which I will not disclose here. Silverbird is dead, the phoenix will rise again, but when and how and in what way, know not I. To those who have me on msn, I will explain. Otherwise, this is the end.

Death comes to all who wait... Long enough

A little update

2008-10-02T07:26:00.002-08:00

I realize I haven't updated in a long long time. I'm in class now doing this simply because I can't concentrate anyway and might as well be doing something to keep awake and listen somewhat to the boring marketing professor...

My life the past few weeks have been... rather uninteresting, but it's been ok. I've started gymming about 3 times a week, and have taekwondo training about 3 times a week, and it's eating up quite a bit of time for me. I haven't lost very much weight but I realize my stamina and balance have increased somewhat. Starting this week I will start trying to lose weight again, will start watching everything I eat.

The things that seem to be on my mind the most are my studies and xiao mei. I'm really glad that we are still such good friends, but at the same time a part of me feels a little empty. I don't mean to be so emo all the time, but when something like this is on one's mind all the time, it's kinda hard not to get introspective.

On a happier note, I'm studying and working out a lot more now, which works out well for me. I feel healthier and more confident of myself than ever before. So I will keep this up and hopefully things will change for me in the future.

Can't think of a title...

2008-07-20T09:15:00.002-08:00

It's been a while since I last posted I realize...

Has anything changed? Well, yes and no. It's hard to articulate the many things that are going through my mind right now. I've been back in Singapore for two months now, and it seems far too short. I'll be leaving for canada in another 4 weeks, and I can feel a deep seated fear within me. The thing that has changed is that I no longer allow it to paralyze me, but other than that, nothing has really changed I guess. I have just found strength in God to carry on.

I realize that the sentences seem rather disjointed at this point, but I'm honestly not bothering to order my thoughts right now. In the same way that all roads lead to Rome, all my neural pathways seem to point me in a direction I don't really want to go.

How can someone who cares for everyone survive?
The burden he puts upon himself,
Is meant for God alone.
He can't not care, he can't be unkind,
Yet somedays it seems, he can't do anything right.

The harder he tries, the harder he falls,
His plane never takes off, it simply stalls,
Why then does he try so hard?
Why does he seem like a tub of lard?

He learns a way to soothe most people,
Yet it angers some other people.
He finds a way to smooth the way,
And gets laughed at, from sunset to day.

What way is right?
What way is wrong?
To say a few words,
or to sing a song?

What way is left?
What way is right?
To find happiness by God,
Or to find it by might?

He tries so hard, like the little ant worker,
Losing weight, learning more, never a shirker.
He prays daily, to a silent God,
Sings and listens hard, to his silent Lord.

Each day he grows more and more,
In which direction, that surprise lies in store.

He finds strength but with no purpose,
He finds stamina but with no direction.
He finds compassion, but no one wants it,
He finds others, and loses himself.

Where does this story go?
I do not know.
Back into canada's freezing snows.
Back into a life that laid him low.

Does anyone care?
Hell no,
They're all absorbed ,
In their own little woes.

In the depths of the night as he slowly walks,
He walks alone,
alone,
alone.

Why God? I need you to help me answer the question of my life. What am I here for? To go through trial after trial, obstacle after obstacle? For what Lord? Why do you make me understand how much every soul on earth suffers, then don't equip me with the means to help them? It tears me that I am so impotent in curing the ills of the world. It tears me that I always seem to be walking this path alone. It hurts that every path shown to me is a lonely one, that everyone cries to me for help, and like a geas under you I respond! I know I am not perfect, and I will never be perfect, but is it wrong for me to always want to chase after you? To chase after your perfection? I want to have your all-consuming compassion, but I am weak, and sometimes I lose my temper when I should be compassionate. Lord sometimes I wish you had made me dumb, incompetent and untalented...

I feel like I'm being tortured every day of my existence, and I have to help everyone. Even though I know I can't.

Lord, I pray I have chosen the right path in choosing to do Nuskin as a business. With you as my moral guiding light, and with the potential returns that might come from working in Nuskin, I want to save millions.

Mother Theresa once said, "There are thousands of unwanted children being abandoned everyday. They are killed, abandoned, unloved and hurt. I have a better idea f what to do with all those children. Give them all to ME. I will Love them, Save them, Give them my home, and Shelter them from hurt. There in Jesus in every single one of them, and I want to save them all." Yes Lord, I want to save them all as well.

I am willing to sacrifice my life for you Lord, to save everyone. I know I am not Jesus, neither am I a saint like Mother Theresa, but use me to be a light onto your word Lord. Use me so I may find a purposeful life, a fulfilling one. I love you Lord and I know you love everyone. I also love everyone who has touched my life, and I want to make life better, for all of them...

21 days

2008-06-10T07:30:00.002-08:00

hmm it takes 21 days of daily repetition to form a habit... i used to smile everyday automatically, and now, it's a conscious effort. But, i've decided to become a part of Nuskin an MLM company and one of it's dictates is to spend 21 days generally smiling and making myself feel good about what i am doing and i plan to do just that.

21 days of habit forming... let's do it!

"Boulevard Of Broken Dreams"

2008-06-04T10:38:00.000-08:00

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah,
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone

Read between the lines
What's fucked up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah
Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I walk alone
I walk a...

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone...

~the broken voice~

2008-06-04T10:25:00.003-08:00

I think it's really gone for good... my original voice seems to be gone forever... It's been one and a half months and I am still unable to sing the range I'm used to... I still lose my voice when I don't focus on speaking, I still struggle to be in tune when I sing the little bit I CAN sing...

sigh it makes me want to cry some days... being in the choir were the best days of my life, and now i can't even re-live those dreams, i can't... i can't dream anymore...

it's also been so long since I talked to xiao mei... i miss her a lot, but she refuses to talk to me...

i just really want to cry... even though i'm a guy...

Waking Life

2008-05-30T18:41:00.001-08:00

Bah I hate waking up and feeling like this... the exultation of tuesday through to thursday is gone and I am left feeling hollow once more. i hate this!

Recent events

2008-05-28T18:22:00.002-08:00

Hmm the past two days have been good days, although Sunday was a disaster...

Just felt so down last Sunday for no apparent reason...

Anyways the last two days have been pretty good and I believe I am on the road to recovery... finally :) Spent tuesday with aunt and her friend, Wenxian, was a pretty fun day. We had lunch at a hotdog place in downtown east, first time i ever saw anyone put an egg in their hotdog... then we went bowling at east coast parkway, which was pretty fun and funny... there was this guy in the next lane with his own ball, his own shoes, his bowlingglove and ball bag+towel.... and he bowled... 176, there i was with only my own shoe (so i don't need to pay for shoe rental), no custom bowling ball, towel, or glove... and I bowl... 175! wahahahaha. then had a chilling time just relaxing at a coffee shop near Aunt's place and I left to go simlim with boss aka gary and peeg aka damein. Spent 100 on upgrades to my sad sad com, and 200 on a new router to replace my old router which was in three distinct yet working pieces, spent 50 bucks on an 8gb usb flash and 50 bucks on a set of pool balls...

so money flew away lol... i guess this is what peoplemean by retail therapy...
See money is evil, the less you have the happier you are :p

then yesterday was spent with Ah joy Ah. We didn't do much, but for some reason it was so comfortable to just be with her while she's working. we're old friends but what was weird was that it wasn't weird to be just be with her and do... nothing... then taht night she coerced me into joining a charity seminar for the DSA(Down Syndrome Association of Singapore). where I learnt everything I already knew about myself. that I was sensitive, wishy washy and couldn't say no... etc etc story of my life, the living door mat lol.

so yeah it's been a good few days... hope to have more... but i'm out of cash :P

Weighed Down

2008-05-24T09:33:00.002-08:00

i don't really know what to blog about... just felt like I really needed to put something down...

I sent the journal on to Rachel... I realize, that I'm not completely depressedanymore,thereare the times during the day taht I am able to forget, and enjoy myself a little in the things I do. Yet, the feelings keep rushing back...

Right now my emotions are sad, dejected and lonely. i feel like as usual I'm crying out for help, but it's too subtle for people to understand or read it. i don't blame them, but it makes me even sadder that no one can understand me, can helpme, can save me...

I hate to cry,
then why do i do it so often nowadays?...

Being Back In Singapore

2008-05-20T21:24:00.002-08:00

Isn't as wonderful as most people seem to think.

Update

2008-05-13T10:44:00.004-08:00

on me I guess. It's been a while since I posted on the blog proper. I haven't been too good and seem to have completely lost interest in anything and everything. So that means, going bowling to appease my uncle, playing wii with my cousin, and losing to make him happy, and going outto eat with my relatives. It also means I have not really listened to any new music, haven't touched any musical instrument and haven't really been online for the past few weeks.

It's been a pretty bad year for me, and I'm still trying to figure out how to recover from it. I used to go out and do the things I liked, to relax and just be happy, but what do I do now that everything seems stale and boring? Or worse, feels like a reminder of what I never seem to be good enough for.

What's the point of being disciplined, skilled, or talented, when try as you might, you just can't get what you want. And your mind plays tricks on you, tempting you with it every day?

At Rachel's behest, I started writing a journal roughly 5 days ago. I was supposed to put an entry in it 4 times day, but with my schedule, and whims, it's significantly less structured than that. In it I wrote down my thoughts at the time, my ruminations, my hopes, and my dreams.

I'm seriously considering posting it up on this blog just for the shock factor, and have not decided yet either way. The decision of what to do with it ranges from sending it to Rachel who might analyse it and posting it on this blog, to selecting it and pressing the "delete" button fast and furious. Maybe even to printing it out and burning it and mixing the ashes in water for me to drink.

Am I really so subtle in real life that no one can read my true feelings even when I feel like I am telegraphing them? Am I really that good an actor? Do I really need to spell every single syllable, insinuation and sarcastic remark out? I'm a complex person, yet in many ways not that complex.

I just want to be understood. Is it really all that hard?

I think I need a shrink...

Here i am

2008-05-01T00:39:00.002-08:00

so here I am at my friend's place. i'd intended to help him pack up as he is supposed to go home the next day. instead he is sleeping in bed with xiao mei and i am left here watching a movie i'm not crazy about.

why do i like her so much, why do the small things she does always seem to hurt so much. she claims she is as close to me as she is to him, but it's clearly not true... i should be resigned to this... i've been dumped so many times in the past, but somehow this time it is different... it hurts so much... somedays I wish I were never born. I feel unloved and stupid...

Sigh

2008-05-01T00:26:00.002-08:00

what do i do what do i do what do i do? I don't want to feel jealous anymore... sigh... some days i wish i were never born...

Tired

2008-04-22T07:19:00.000-08:00

of myself... Please just let it be over.

Time for everything

2008-04-02T06:48:00.003-08:00

There's a time for everything, and some things there's always time for... I had my time to laugh to cry, to be happy to be sad, to be coddled to be hurt, to be betrayed to be saved. Now it's time to demonstrate my faith. It has always been time, I was just slow in realizing it I guess.

Dear Father,
My faith in You strengthens me, as I go into this time of great stress, my exam period, it is my heartfelt prayer to You that You grant me clarity of mind, strength of body, the spirit of determination and eyes that never lose sight of you.
To my Lord and Saviour, my Father and best friend.
Amen

My Lord strengthens me

2008-03-28T07:57:00.002-08:00

Hey thanks everyone for your concern and stuff. After spending almost a full day of prayer yesterday I believe I have found myself once more. No I am still sick, but I have realized I do not need the gifts God gave me and took away to serve Him. I had spent most of my life without the gift of music and had come to take it for granted after God bestowed a talent for music in me. I realize serving Him in my utmost capacity is what He wants, not to give him a high level of worship, but to give Him my best level of worship.

I feel much better, nothing has been solved, I'm not feeling any better, but by the grace of God I now understand. I have always been myself, I only need give my best eevn on my lowest days, and Jesus will lift my graces the rest of the way. Feel so much better internally at least.

Footprints in the Sand

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.

In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, other times there was one only.

This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints, so I said to the Lord,

You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you, you would walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there has only been one set of footprints in the sand. Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?�

The Lord replied,
The years when you have seen only one set of footprints, my child, is when I carried you.

Thank you Lord

Save me

2008-03-14T18:58:00.000-08:00

please

I drift, I burn, I fly
When you sing lullabies
I'm helpless, I'm yearning
I'm like the putty in your hands

I laugh, I dream, I cry
When you take me on a roller coaster ride
You see me through and through
You see just who i am
Just take my hand and

Save me from this place
Heaven knows I'm falling
For you, my sweet embrace
Heaven Knows
Heaven knows I've been waiting for you

I had a dream that i
was falling from the sky
At 90 miles an hour
I was bound to crash and die
But out of nowhere you came and rescued me
There must be some grace in the touch of your face
I'm so happy that I've found you
I'm no longer afraid

Oh ' cause you
Save me from this place
Heaven knows i'm falling
For you my sweet embrace
Heaven knows
Heaven knows I've been waiting

Before i met you
Life was slow-mo
So slow-mo
I thought i had it figured out
But you came and turned my whole world upside down

Save me from this place
Heaven knows I'm falling
For you, my sweet embrace
Heaven knows
Heaven knows you've come to

Save me from this place
Heaven knows I'm falling
For you, my sweet embrace
Heaven Knows
Heaven knows I've been waiting for you
Waiting for you

Nothing

2008-03-07T22:22:00.003-08:00

Where is the light I used to have?

2008-03-07T21:44:00.002-08:00

It's been almost a month since I last posted, and I am still sick. I have not regained my voice as yet. Many things have come and passed, I still cannot find the will to study for my life...

It's taken me so long just to understand small parts of myself, and it seems so ridiculous when other people seem to know themselves so well. I'm always introspecting, always alone, always judging other's actions and my own. I should stop.

Maybe I'm just too sick in my mind and in my body and soul, to fight off my depression. I love the fact that I've gained many valuable friends this study semester, but what has it cost me...

I've been sick for close to a month now... how does it feel to be well, I've forgotten? I even dream as though I've always talked in whispers. The precious gift of music God gave me is fading away, my greatest source of relief from sadness has been denied me, and though I smile and try my damnedest to keep my spirits up and my sense of humor, right this moment, I just want to give up the semester and go home. I want to be a quitter, I'm already a failure anyway, what's one more step?

God please help me regain my balance, my soul, and my gift from you... I know You love me, but why is it so hard when it seems no else does?

Sick Sick Sick

2008-02-09T07:47:00.001-08:00

Well, as I'm typing this I'm actually marginally better (in a way). I managed to get a stomach flu on tuesday (for some reason), it was pretty bad, had diarrhea-like symptoms, a headache, nausea and what felt like a fever. As a result, I don't eat for three days and don't sleep for more than 2hrs in a row, due to frequent "trips".

BUT WAIT! the best part is yet to come! On thursday, when I HAVEN"T recovered much, I suddenly get the FLU! as in influenza!, yes, fun! This resulted in another round of headaches and fever, and to add to my troubles, a bad cough and sore throat.

THEN on friday I lost my voice and had a mild asthma attack because of the coughing and the sore throat. So since then I've been sleeping and just resting and not doing very much. I do feel better today, in that I don't have to go to the bath room every hour.

So after taking multi-vits every day, pepto-bismol, and other assorted medical drugs and concoctions, I think "drugged up to my ears" is an appropriate phrase. I wonder if there's a song for that?...

In other news I composed a new "ditty" or at least a pshort piece of music of what I think of as ditties. I lost my voice so I can't find the lyrics for it yet, but considering the information I've read about song composing, it ought to be a song about love or romance. (was thinking of a love song for God, but well..., I want my best work for Him, not this ditty haha)

So here I am, sometimes feeling unloved (though I'm rather confused about my feelings for xiao mei right now), thinking of writing a love song... Can a person write a song that he doesn't believe is under the breadth of his experiences? Oh well...

Bored...

2008-02-01T19:41:00.000-08:00

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Calling Overseas

2008-01-25T09:03:00.001-08:00

Hey guys, for the singaporean friends especially, you can try calling me for free using the widget on the right. pls note tho that right now canada is 13 hrs behind singapore...

Rain Down

2008-01-15T22:09:00.000-08:00

Lord, I need your cleansing pureness to clear me of my sins and of my iniquities. I stand here ready to be washed clean. In a new year of purpose, I pray you give me strength to return to whence I came. I pray you to lift my heavy heart, I pray you to let me dream and to follow those dreams. I pray to hear your quiet voice, even in the loudest of atmospheres. I pray Lord to never let me lose sight of you even in the heavy press of peers, subordinates and superiors.

I'm ready to dance on this barren earth in anticipation of your living rain.

Rain Down by Delirious
Looks like tonight, the sky is heavy
Feels like the winds are gonna change
Beneath my feet, the earth is ready
I know its time for heaven's rain, it's gonna rain
It's gonna rain, again

Cos it's living water we desire
To flood out hearts with holy fire

Rain down all around the world we're singing
Rain down can you hear the earth is singing
Rain down my heart is dry but still I'm singing
Rain down rain it down on me.

Back to the start, my heart is heavy
Feels like it's time, to dream again
I hear your voice, and yes I'm ready
To dance upon this barren land
Hope in my hands

Do not shut, Do not shut, Do not shut the heavens
But open up, open up, open up our hearts

Give me strength to cross the water
Keep my heart upon your altar
Give me strength to cross this water
Keep my feet don’t let me falter

Lifesong

2008-01-11T20:27:00.000-08:00

I went bowling today, everyone was tired, but decided to make an effort to have fun together...

I added a song to this blog, it's on the sidebar. Tried to make it auto-play but it doesn't *shrug* oh well... listen to it yeah...

Lifesong By Casting Crowns

Empty hands held high
Such a small sacrifice
If not joined with my life
I sing in vain tonight

May the words I say
And the things I do
Make my lifesong sing
Bring a smile to You

Chorus:
Let my lifesong sing to You
Let my lifesong sing to You
I want to sign your name to the end of this day
Knowing that my heart was true
Let my lifesong sing to You

Lord, I give my life
A living sacrifice
To reach a world in need
To be Your hands and feet

So may the words I say
And the things I do
Make my lifesong sing
Bring a smile to you

(Chorus)

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Let my lifesong sing to You
(2x)

(Chorus 2x)

I give up

2008-01-07T01:13:00.000-08:00

I'm a quitter. I give up. Enough.

Sigh....

2008-01-04T18:51:00.000-08:00

Apparently in trying out new layouts for my blog i lost my chat boxes and a few blog addresses... this normally wouldn't be too much of a problem except

1.) I haven't been using the internet from this com for a couple of weeks
2.) My history isn't that long termed
3.) I am an idiot

So I will try to reconstruct the missing stuff, using my non-existent intelligence. If you usually see you name in the Friendly Birds sections (i.e. my friends links) and would like to see them there again, pls drop me an email (you should know it) or jus message me thro here.... thanks.

Random Thoughts

2007-12-29T13:31:00.000-08:00

- I like sports more thn I should
- Bowling is really interesting
- I have no life
- Merry christams and happy new year to everyone
- I have no idea which jes it is in the chat box below... either jestyn, jeslyn or jessica... ah well
- Having no internet doesn't really suck as much as I thought, (p.s., I'm in my aunt's house now)
- Have FF7 will disregard internet (FF7 is more fun than playing on the internet)
- note to self: do not reinterpret previous statement into playing with self more fun than playing with others
- oh damn
- on another note why do I have more calls from waterloo when i'm NOT in waterloo, and more calls from singapore when I AM in waterloo???
- does not bode well for my phone bill
- I miss people I shall not mention, actions of futility are the theme of last year... this year should be different
- might be different
- hopefully different
- well a guy can dream can't he?
- as long as it isn't a wet dream...
- bleah
- Wo zhen de bu yuen yi jiang wo xin li zhui xiang shuo de shi, ying wei jiang le tai duo chi hui ying xiang jie guo.
- ok enuff rambling, gonna go bowling
- with old foggies
- good for bullying
- on another random note i won 80 bucks in mahjong from my relatives so far..
- I really should cut down... they might get angry :P

Shaun

4.23am

2007-12-07T01:24:00.000-08:00

It's now 4.23am and have spent the last 6 hours or so studying, I can't really remember when I started.

I don't know what's wrong with me. I know I'm not someone who is depressive. As in people who know me, know that I am smiling most of the time. Then why do I feel so melancholic or depressive at times? Do I have just cause or am I just stupid as I tell so many people. I don't know. I'm beginning to realize I don't know myself as well as I thought. Neither do I have any idea what people think of me or what image I give of myself. At least I know I am image conscious.

Sigh... Who am I to want to heal the ills of my friends, to comfort my friends, to save them? I can't even help myself, don't even know how to...

Who knows who I am? God only knows I'm sure, but He's definitely decided He's gonna keep His own counsel, and leave me in the dark. Year 14 of looking for who I am and failing...
-------------------------------------------------------
Who Am I by Casting Crowns

Verse:
Who am I? That the Lord of all the earth,
Would care to know my name, would care to feel my hurt,
Who am I? That the bright and morning star,
Would choose to light the way, of my ever wondering heart,
Not because of who I am, but because of what You've done,
Not because of what I've done, but because of who You are

CHORUS:
I am a flower quickly fading, here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean, a vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling, Lord, You catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am,
I am Yours.

Verse 2:
Who am I? That the eyes that see my sin,
Would look on me with love, and watch me rise again,
Who am I? That the voice that calmed the sea,
Would call out through the rain, and calm the storm in me,
Not because of who I am, but because of what You've done,
Not because of what I've done, but because of who You are

Daft Punk - Around The World

2007-12-05T23:30:00.001-08:00

I don't know why i like this vid so mych but i do.... lol, Daft Punk forever!

Hmm

2007-11-23T17:17:00.001-08:00

I really should change blog sites... this has been here since 2004....

Ave Maria

2007-11-20T20:59:00.001-08:00

Actually I prefer this version a bit more :P

Ave Maria

2007-11-20T00:41:00.001-08:00

I'm missing the choir again...

IQ Test

2007-11-13T21:05:00.000-08:00

Hmm was thinking about the IQ test the other day as I recently did an online one. As a result I found out a few things, have no idea how true they are, but *gasp* there they are on the internet! Haha ok from what I have been able to find out, by definition the average world IQ is supposed to be 100 (though there is a popular book out there [IQ and the Wealth of Nations] which has calculated it to be 90). Also according to trends research, the human IQ is to average at 82 by 2100, thank God I won't be alive...

At the top of the list for average IQ is actually Hongkong, with a score of 107. Followed closely behind by South Korea with 106, then Japan 105, THEN Taiwan and Singapore are tied at a score of 104.

What sort of blew my mind was that the average IQ of Canadians are supposed to be 97, and the average IQ of Americans is 98. This was completely unexpected to me. I'd expected canada to be higher, especially as Waterloo Ontario was recently named the World's Top Intelligent Community 2007 http://www.intelligentwaterloo.com/en/index.shtml

Oh well, I guess I'm one of the lucky ones... Scoring 145 on the IQ test... I scored terrible for the Logic and Visual Memory parts though... Oh well... Can't win them all...

Current mood

2007-11-11T21:06:00.001-08:00

Frustration
Jealousy
Envy

Sigh....

Studying

2007-11-06T15:36:00.001-08:00

How to study? I think it is safe to say I'm one of the worst students in the world... I can study for more than 26 hrs over three days for a single module and forget what felt like 60% of it before the midterm.

I'm sick of myself sometimes... sigh...

Why can't I find what I want to do? And why does it seem as though everything is so hard? I know I have talents, but they always seem so useless in light of life in general. Yes I can play music, not well enough to perform, good enuf to keep small grps of people entertained for 5 mins maybe. Yes I can play sports passably well, not well enough to be on any team, well enough to take part in a game. I'm smart, not smart enough to do well in school, but smart enough to learn fast...

ah well... back to studying.... ineffectually...

Pretty True

2007-11-02T23:24:00.000-08:00

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion:

You have medium extroversion.
You're not the life of the party, but you do show up for the party.
Sometimes you are full of energy and open to new social experiences.
But you also need to hibernate and enjoy your "down time."

Conscientiousness:

You have medium conscientiousness.
You're generally good at balancing work and play.
When you need to buckle down, you can usually get tasks done.
But you've been known to goof off when you know you can get away with it.

Agreeableness:

You have high agreeableness.
You are easy to get along with, and you value harmony highly.
Helpful and generous, you are willing to compromise with almost anyone.
You give people the benefit of the doubt and don't mind giving someone a second chance.

Neuroticism:

You have low neuroticism.
You are very emotionally stable and mentally together.
Only the greatest setbacks upset you, and you bounce back quickly.
Overall, you are typically calm and relaxed - making others feel secure.

Openness to experience:

Your openness to new experiences is high.
In life, you tend to be an early adopter of all new things and ideas.
You'll try almost anything interesting, and you're constantly pushing your own limits.
A great connoisseir of art and beauty, you can find the positive side of almost anything.

The Five Factor Personality Test

Jars of clay

2007-11-01T08:00:00.000-08:00

Went to my friend's blog and saw she had posted a song by Jars of Clay. Not knowing the song, I listened to the song and read the lyrics.... and... sometimes I feel that way... so I'm jus gonna copy her post (pretty much) and put it here... I know it's pretty messy, but I just don't feel like tidying it up right now....
--------------------------------------------------------

Just in case, I will leave my things packed

So I can run away

I cannot trust these voices I don't have a line of prospects that can give some kind of peace

There is nothing left to cling to that can bring me sweet release

I have no fear of drowning

It's the breathing that's taking all this work

Do you know what I mean when I say, "I don't want to be alone"?

What I mean when I say, "I don't want to be alone"

Empty spaces with shadows hit by streetlights

Warnings signs and weight of tired conversations

In the absence of a shoulder, in the abscess of a thief

On the brink of this destruction, on the eve of bittersweet

Now all the demons look like prophets and I'm living out

Every word they speak, every word they speak

Do you know what I mean when I say, "I don't want to be alone"?

What I mean when I say, "I don't want to be alone"

Do you know what I mean when I say, "I don't want to be alone"?

What I mean when I say, "I don't want to be alone"

Alone, alone, I don't want to be alone

I have no fear of drowning

It's the breathing that's taking all this work

Happy Halloween, or All Hallow's eve

2007-11-01T07:47:00.001-08:00

i know i look ridiculous but oh well it's halloween... i wasn't the only one...

Sigh...

2007-10-23T20:25:00.000-08:00

I lost my temper a bit today..., completely my fault, but I feel it's somewhat justified.... I really should get some sleep, it's harder to control myself when I'm tired....

Que Sera Sera

2007-10-19T23:34:00.000-08:00

Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be
-------------------------------------

I guess I don't really want to see what the future has in store for me.

Yes! I found it!

2007-10-18T00:12:00.000-08:00

It's 4am and i have a midterm in 7 hours, but I found this song from my past "Reaching for you" A beautiful song that I haven't heard in a long while... Now I really want to play it with the band....

Hope you love it too...
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Reaching for you by Raymond Badham

C G/B
I can·t believe the way
Gm7/Bb F/A
Your love has got a hold on me
C G/B Dm7 F2
Each morning I wake to find You near

C G/B
You lift me above my fears
Gm7/Bb F/A C
And set my feet on solid ground
G/B Dm7 F
All of my days belong to You

PRE-CHORUS:
F#m7 C#m7
And I breathe in Your
D Esus4 C#/F F#m7
Breathe of life that fills my heart
Dm6/F A/E B7/D# D D/E
You are my all consuming fire

CHORUS:
E A2
And I stand here before You
F#m9 F#m7 F#m9 F#m7
In wide-opended wonder
Bm7 Esus4 E A Bm7
Amazed at the Glory of You
E A2
The power of heaven
F#m9 F#m7 F#m9 F#m7 Bm7
Revealing Your purpose in me
Esus4 E D2
As I·m reaching for You

Who am I

2007-10-15T20:21:00.000-08:00

Casting Crowns - Who Am I Lyrics

Who am I?
That the Lord of all the earth,
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt.

Who am I? That the bright and morning star,
Would choose to light the way,
For my ever wondering heart.

Not because of who I am.
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done.
But because of who you are.

Chorus:
I am a flower quickly fading, Here today and gone tomorrow.
A wave tossed in the ocean, A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling, Lord you catch me when I'm falling,
And you told me who I am. I am yours. I am yours.

Who am I? That the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
And watch me rise again

Who am I?
That the voice that calm the sea,
Would call out through the rain,
And calm the storm in me.

Not because of who I am.
But because what of you've done.
Not because of what I've done.
But because of who you are.

Chorus:
I am a flower quickly fading, Here today and gone tomorrow.
A wave tossed in the ocean, A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling, Lord you catch me when I'm falling,
And you told me who I am. I am yours.

Not because of who I am. But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done. But because of who you are.

Chorus: I am a flower quickly fading, Here today and gone tomorrow.
A wave tossed in the ocean, A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling, Lord you catch me when I'm falling,
You told me who I am. I am yours. I am yours.

Whom shall I fear? Whom shall I fear? 'Cuz I am yours. I am yours.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When I first heard this song I picked it up because of it's clever lyrics, "not because of who I am, but because of what You've done, not because of what I've done but because fo who You are." But then, the more i sang the song, the more i actually listened to it, the more it started to affect me.

Then after a while, I realized the song also spoke to my subconcious, the constant question in my life, in everyone's life. Who am I? Hmm, well, I guess there's an answer =D. Anyway the song is just amazing (yes this is said with a canadian accent) and I hope people will understand it as well as I seem to have.

God is watching...

2007-10-08T19:25:00.000-08:00

I know I haven't been blogging for a long while, and have seldom been doing so. Honestly I found I've lost the taste for blogging, simply because I've stopped whining I guess. Oh before I froget, I realize why I had trouble with the html for the background script, Firefox was unable to view the "fixed" background command, but when I used Internet explorer, there was no problem with the website.

Hmmm, a little update on me, I've been pretty hooked onto facebook, and I've recently started being re-addicted to gunbound. Unfortunately for a guy who is alone most of the time, there isn't very much one can do during free time, so I use the computer and try to keep myself busy.

For those of you who don't know about facebook, it's a pretty interesting system similiar to friendster and myspace. It's more geared towards the schooling crowd however. The unique property of facebook is the ability to add applications and to interact with people you have addded as friends. There are applications like superpoke, battle stations pets etc, a large number of application brings great versatility and a unique experience to every user. Girls would be able to have cuter applications like fluffy friends, superwall, grafitti and growing pets. Guys would be able to add applications like battlestations, fight club and fight poke.

Gunbound for those who don't know about it, is somewhat like an internet version of Worms, though that is simplifying it. There are multiple mobiles to choose from and each have their unique propeties. My favourite mobile is something called the boomer, it has a strong attack, a large angle of attack, and moderate movement abilities, its downside is an extremely weak defense and a shot that is light in weight and strongly affected by wind factors. This makes for a mobile that requires the use of a lot of strategy, but if the right strategy is used, it is an extremely strong mobile to use.

Anyway that's all I have for now... Will blog again when i next feel like it...

Help

2007-09-10T18:55:00.000-08:00

Erm, could someone take a look at my html and tell me what i'm doing wrong... Been trying to get the picture to stay in place and I know the command for it is bgproperties= "fixed" but it doesn't stay fixed :p ah well....

Time for school...

2007-09-09T16:04:00.000-08:00

Hmm, it's now sunday, and I'm the most sick I've been since... I can't remember when. This flu is seriously taking it out of me. As a result I decided to spend the day in at home, I've put myself into my personal prison haha.

Another day another new semester, classes start tomorrow, and there's some trepidation in my part. Will it be an easier or harder year? Will I be able to make more friends or find a group like the one I'd found in Singapore? So many questions, and only God has the answer...

I hope to find my way as the rest of my life awaits me...

Finally

2007-08-11T06:06:00.000-08:00

I Will Sing of Your Faithfulness

C
I will sing of Your faithfulness
G/C C
Of your mercy and Your love
C/E F G C
I will say this is the day That the Lord has made
C
I hold onto your promise
G C
And the resurrection power
C F G C
Restore to me Your joy I will praise You now

C G/C C
Be glad and rejoice For the Lord our Saviour reigns
Am D/F# G
And the joy of the Lord Shall be our strength
F C/E F G Am
I was born to be Your dwelling place
F G C
This Is the day That the Lord has made
________________________________________________

I know I haven't blogged much ever since I've been back in singapore, there's no real reason for it. I just haven't been in the mood and I haven't been in a contemplative mood for a long while. I'll be leaving Singapore on the 20th of August. Good bye my church, till we met again.

Let my words be few

2007-06-19T19:00:00.000-08:00

Let My Words Be Few
VERSE 1:
G G+ Em/G C
You are God in heaven, and here am I on earth,
G G+ Em/G C
So I'll let my words be few.
Am7 G/B C D G
Je-sus, I_ am so in love with You.

CHORUS:
F/G Em7 Am7 Am7/G
And I'll stand in awe of You;
G F/G Em7 C
yes, I'll stand in awe of You.
Am7 Em7 C
And I'll let my words be few.
Am7 G/B C D G C/G (G)
Je-sus, I_ am so in love with You.

VERSE 2:
The simplest of all love songs, I want to bring to You,
So I'll let my words be few.
Jesus, I am so in love with You.

©2000 Kingsway's Thankyou Music
Words and Music by Matt and Beth Redman

It's been a great holiday so far for me. I've been busy as anything, but mostly cos I've been goin out with friends and such. It's hard to explain the difference in culture between here and canada, not that either is particularly much better than the other, but they are just seemingly insurmountable differences between the two. The problem, I guess, was mine when I couldn't adapt fast enough or well enough in Canada.

Last night, as I was at home, retuning my semi-acoustic, I suddenly remembered a song that I jus desperatly wanted to play... No idea why, but there is it up there. The tune aside, the simple lyrics just felt like they sat right with me at that moment...So I'm posting it here for others who might... I don't know, need quiet reminder, or just a need to listen and relax. Life can be simple.

Welcoming a new family member! =D

2007-06-02T08:21:00.000-08:00

Bianca Ryan And I'm Telling You I'm Not Going

2007-05-23T19:27:00.001-08:00

i jus jad to post this again... it makes me have goosebumps... man...

For the Longest Time

2007-05-23T17:59:00.001-08:00

Billy Joel-The Longest Time

2007-05-22T14:38:00.001-08:00

For the longest time

2007-05-17T10:33:00.000-08:00

I really like this song...

The Longest Time - Billy Joel
Oh, oh, oh
For the longest time
Oh, oh, oh
For the longest time
If you said goodbye to me tonight
There would still be music left to write
What else could I do
I'm so inspired by you
That hasn't happened for the longest time

Once I thought my innocence was gone
Now I know that happiness goes on
That's where you found me
When you put your arms around me
I haven't been there for the longest time

Oh, oh, oh
For the longest time
Oh, oh, oh
For the longest
I'm that voice you're hearing in the hall
And the greatest miracle of all
Is how I need you
And how you needed me too
That hasn't happened for the longest time

Maybe this won't last very long
But you feel so right
And I could be wrong
Maybe I've been hoping too hard
But I've gone this far
And it's more than I hoped for

Who knows how much further we'll go on
Maybe I'll be sorry when you're gone
I'll take my chances
I forgot how nice romance is
I haven't been there for the longest time

I had second thoughts at the start
I said to myself
Hold on to your heart
Now I know the woman that you are
You're wonderful so far
And it's more than I hoped for

I don't care what consequence it brings
I have been a fool for lesser things
I want you so bad
I think you ought to know that
I intend to hold you for the longest time

Back in black

2007-05-12T23:35:00.000-08:00

I'm back in Singapore... it's been 4 hours.... what can I say?... I'm back?...

Busy Beaver

2007-05-03T22:56:00.000-08:00

I know it's been awhile since I last posted anything, well, first there were the exams so wasn't free to post anything, then I had to move out of my residence within 24hrs... That was a whirlwind called my father, and we basically jus chucked everything into the apartment I will be staying in next term.

Once that was done, I had to catch a flight to Vancouver and have been staying at the farm, now re-christened as "My home", for the past several weeks. For the first week there was no gate, no phone, no cable, no internet and no car, but had plenty of bootleg movies to watch... Second week,there was still no car, no cable, no internet, the plants needed planting the patio needed to be torn up and redone, the grass needed to be cut (10 acres of it) and the movies were finished :P

Hahaso yeah I've been plenty busy,and whenever I went to my uncle and aunt's houses their computers were kinda wonky,so I couldn't access blogger either oh well... So now I finally get to use the internet by plugging their internet into my laptop. Whoopeedoo...

Ok enuff said, for those who want to know. I have a flight back to Singapore on the 12th of May, which means I'll reach Singapore on the 13th of May, a Sunday, or more specifically, Mother's Day! So it means I will only be free earliest on 14th of May... Flight details... I won't include here, cos I don't think anyone is gonna meet me at the airport anyway haha.

Hmm, anyway i'm off to bed to dream about meeting the peeps I miss os much haha. Adios.

New template

2007-04-08T11:38:00.000-08:00

yeah trying out a new template on my blog... not very much has changed other than the background and stuff.... and some of the colours look awkward... I'm having a little trouble understanding the html porperties of blogspot... oh well... comment yeah... i'll try to change the blog to make it easier to read.

(BTW, the background picture was taken by me and isn't an image found on the net)

If Everyone Cared

2007-04-04T01:05:00.001-08:00

If Everyone Cared

2007-04-04T00:59:00.001-08:00

I can't believe I was crying to this... Honestly a fantastic song...

If Everyone Cared by Nickelback

From underneath the trees, we watch the sky
Confusing stars for satellites
I never dreamed that you'd be mine
But here we are, we're here tonight

Singing Amen, I, I'm alive
Singing Amen, I, I'm alive

[CHORUS]
If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
We'd see the day... when nobody died

And I'm singing
Amen I, Amen I, I'm alive
Amen I, Amen I, Amen I, I'm alive

And in the air, the fireflies
Our only light, in paradise
We'll show the world, they were wrong
And teach them all, to sing along

Singing Amen I, I'm alive
Singing Amen I, I'm alive

[CHORUS (X2)]

And as we lie, beneath the stars
We realize, how small we are
If they could love, like you and me
Imagine what, the world could be

If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
We'd see the day when nobody died [X2]

We'd see the day, we'd see the day
When nobody died
We'd see the day, we'd see the day
When nobody died
We'd see the day when nobody died

A Semi-finalist

2007-03-30T22:38:00.000-08:00

After 7 long months of New venture project, it's finally over. I'm amazed that our group did so well, we managed to get into the semi-finals when I wasn't sure our group could have. It was such a rush learning that we had emerged the top in our lab and was to be a semi-finalist, working through the night to make a better report and powerpoint. Jess was great, she helped us so much...

Hmm to better clarify, the semi-finalists were mentioned at 11pm on thursday night and we had to hand in 7 copies of our report to the Teaching Assistant's(TA) office by 10am.So in a mad rush to improve our chances for getting to the finals, we used that 11 hour space, working through the night to just improve our report. We also had to present our work a second time to a panel of 7 judges. Alas, tis was all in vain, so i lost a night of sleep and slept during the day... And now it's night and I don't feel very tired... Just sick... Well, I'm glad that we managed to get as far as we did... We have bragging rights now, in the top undergraduate business university in canada, we are the top 20% in the business program to get through to the semi-finals. It's good enough for me in my book. I just wish I could have celebrated this with someone tonight... oh well...

Music

2007-03-29T13:04:00.000-08:00

I've recently come upon the thought that I might understand myself more through the way I play music... I'm wondering whee this thought will lead me. I feel I'm right but I'm not sure what path this will lead me down. I know I'm not exactly a great musician but as artists express their views and perceptions through painting, I try to do the same through music... But up till now I've never really thought about what I'm actually 'saying' through my playing... Time to reflect...

Reflections off a murky pool...

2007-03-24T21:55:00.000-08:00

I realize I am a person who needs to interact with other people, yet at the same time I'm uncomfortable with too many people... It's weird... I feel... disjointed when I am completely undisturbed and have no book to absorb my attention within... I realize whenever I am on the computer I always use msn to chat with people... for no reason other than it keeps me from being truly alone... At the same time... I know I am not comfortable in a crowd of strangers. How do I strike a balance?

Anyway, the term is almost ending another 3 more weeks and I will be moving out of Bricker residence... I honestly don't know how I feel about it, it's been my 'home' for the past 8 months, and I have gotten rather comfortable here... in a sense... I don't really need much amenities and the only serious problem I have encountered is a chronic insomnia that strikes whenever ... I'm not too sure why yet, it just happens... I know when I move out I WILL miss this place...

In other news, i AM a bibliophile, it feels so uncomfortable without a book to read... I've refrained from purchasing books for the past month or so and have had a few withdrawal symptoms from the lack of textual material. I've been listless and restless... I've also been thinking waaay too much. I realize I still miss Aunt, but not talking or seeing her online helps somewhat... I might have been really stupid going about that though... I decided I WILL tell her when I'll be back in Singapore, but will refrain from contacting her before then... sigh... i really should keep that bracelet she gave me in a safe place... I see it lying beside my com everyday... At least I've stopped wearing it as though it were a religious item, or a prayer...

2 weeks to the midterms... I have no confidence in myself at all..., I'm coping with my flu, my insomnia, my stupidity, and my lack of self-confidence... How do I study? I mean, I know I've been to every single lecture and have never skipped even one, so I understand the material well enough. I just can't study recently... It isn't a matter of discipline, commitment or scheduling anymore. I square away time to study... and I sit and stare, or get sidetracked or simply can't understand what the heck I am looking at. Thank God the business New Venture project is almost over. That took up a huge load of my time... It's the only thing I have been somewhat serious in all term as it's something realistic that I want to try in future.

Where am I goin in my life... I have a goal in life yes, but is it the right direction? Most of my JC friends think I should be in the Arts... My Church friends think I should be in the music or sciences, I don't know what I want either... I know I love music but also know it's not viable plus I don't have the talent for it. Sigh, here I am going on this tangent again...

Need need need to do well in business.... Must do well... HAVE to do well... What else can I do in life?

Krytonite

2007-03-06T12:23:00.000-08:00

KRYPTONITE
By: Three Doors Down

I took a walk around the world to
ease my troubled mind
I left my body lying somewhere
in the sands of time
I watched the world float to the dark
side of the moon
I feel there is nothing I can do, yeah

I watched the world float to the
dark side of the moon
After all I knew it had to be something
to do with you
I really don't mind what happens now and then
As long as you'll be my friend at the end

Chorus:
If I go crazy then will you still
call me Superman
If I'm alive and well, will you be
there holding my hand
I'll keep you be my side with
my superhuman might
Kryptonite

You called my strong, you called me weak,
but still your secrets I will keep
You took for granted all the times I
never let you down
You stumbled in and bumped your head, if
not for me then you would be dead
I picked you up and put you back
on solid ground

Repeat Chorus Two Times

Yeah!

Repeat Chorus Two Times, till end…
_________________________________________________
Hmm, I don't know why I like this song and 'Eleanor' by mad millions so much, Krytonite is the ONLY rock song which i know the lyrics back to back , that's mostly cos I had to sing it on two separate occasions and it's an easy song to play... Well relatively easy at least.

Most people tell me not to think so much, but... I'm stupid enough, I'm not exactly doing fantastically well in my studies, and I don't know if there's any way to really not think other than drinking and being insanely busy. Even while reading I'm constantly comparing events in my life to the fictional characters in my books, or my experiences in what I read in my text books.

Another person recently told me, girls aren't interested in me likely because I don't exude the feeling of 'looking' for a relationship. Honestly... I don't know how to do that... I can recognize it in people sure, but it's like ... like knowing how people ride a bicycle, but not being able to ride one yourself. Another question people ask, is if I feel inaequate about myself, again honestly? No... Yes I know I'm fat and ugly and not too smart... But I'm stronger than most people my size, I can play more instruments than most people and I'm not exactly poor, I recognize that I am blessed in so many ways, and I'm pretty sure God knows that as well...

Problem is, well all the things I can do... don't make for good first impressions and that can be unfortunate. Oh well, so do I then work harder to change people's impression of me? Well, maybe I'm looking for that person who looks past another's surface and into their being themself. I know some who have done it, and they're good friends of mine in Singapore who know I would sacrifice much for them, and have done so in the past.

Now I jus need to find my own niche here... How? I don't know... God will provide, maybe at the end of 4 years I'd hate to leave this place as much as I did Singapore... Only time will tell...

Listening to Vertical Horizon now... Hey damein, let's try that song once i'm back in singapore for the hols yeah? God bless.

Snow Day 2

2007-03-02T05:17:00.000-08:00

Well, due to an internet error my previous post was lost in cyberspace. Oh well...

Well, I had a midterm that was supposed to be today, but as a result of the snow day, it has apparently been postphoned. Currently there is no news as to when it will be postphoned to. This is pretty good for me as I had a bad bout of insomnia again last night, went to bed at 2am only to wake up at 5am with no clue why. So i did a little studying, finished watching Army Daze on youtube and visited the blogs of a few friends. Then it hit me so hard when I visited an ex-classmate's blog. It showed them singing a medley of singapore songs, and my first big bout of homesickness hit me.

Waterloo just seems so big yet so restrictive at the same time. Being in a place that plainly dwarfs singapore yet not having the means to tranverse it, is a psychological challenge. In singapore I knew almost all the major roads, and it's so small you couldn't really get lost, and the freedom of having a car. It was just so comfortable there, where going to town, I would be able to come across 2 or 3 friends on a weekend.

I miss bball saturdays with Gene, Abner, Aaron, Tony, Ivan, Jes, Terry, and sometimes the other who join us like Shung and Jarrod , supper and nonsense with Joy, Ashley, Rachel, jamming with Dam and the youth worship team, discussion suppers with Lun(one of my best friends), midnight road trips with Hansel(another best friend, known both for over a decade), movie dates with Eunice, philosophical/theological/tech discussion with Izzy, singing with PS100, Small group meetings with Hon Yuh leading and even the small things like driving little aunt(van) home and talking with her, and random meals with Aunt and rarer one with I-shan and Jamie. I even miss playing DotA with the guys online and in LAN shops...

Sometimes, I wonder how I made so many friends there, especially when I have so many problems making friends with the people here. Is all because I have lived almost my whole life in Singapore? Seems the case yet, most of my good friends mentioned above I have only started meeting 5 to 6 years ago. Most of them are my church friends, people I've helped and people I love in a way I can't express. It's not that I don't have good and valuable friends here, friends like Cora, Meh meh(jess), Chris, and Allan. Yet, I feel restrained. I have no idea what I want. The relationsip i have with Cora and Chris feels more like a business relationship, Cora's somewhat deeper. Allan, it's hard cos it feels like he has bigger things to think about. Jess is the only friendly friend, but she's only one person...

Sigh, so many things I want done, so many things I need done, so few I have done. Well, happy snow day to me...

sniff sniff "momeeeeee... it's oveeeeeeeeeerrrrr!"

2007-02-25T13:36:00.000-08:00

Hmm reading week is over,... , no i didn't get as much done as i had hoped to, it was good to relax a little and just move around discovering new things... especially the location of a chinese supermarket. I finally have soya bean drink, dou nai,tau huey jui, beancurd milk! It's fantastic. Well, watched a lot of movies, read a lot of books and hopefully ready to deal with the next few weeks. Ja ne.

2007-02-13T14:56:00.001-08:00

Sharing a Donkey...
An old man, a boy and a donkey were going to town. The boy rode on the donkey and the old man walked. As they went along they passed some people who remarked it was a shame the old man was walking and the boy was riding. The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions.

Later, they passed some people who remarked, "What a shame, he makes that little boy walk." They then decided they both would walk!

Soon they passed some more people who thought they were stupid to walk when they had a decent donkey to ride. So, they both rode the donkey.

Now they passed some people who shamed them by saying how awful to put such a load on a poor donkey. The boy and man said they were probably right, so they decided to carry the donkey.

As they crossed the bridge, they lost their grip on the animal and he fell into the river and drowned.

The moral of the story; "If you try to please everyone, you might as well kiss your ass good-bye."

2007-02-11T22:40:00.001-08:00

Toilet jokes
Graffiti 1
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Here I lie in stinky vapour, Because some ******* stole the toilet paper, Shall I lie, or shall I linger, Or shall I be forced to use my finger.

Before he graduated to be a poet, he wrote this....
Washroom Graffiti 2
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Here I sit
Broken hearted
Tried to shit
But only farted

Some one who had a different experience wrote
Washroom Graffiti 3
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You're lucky You had your chance I tried to fart, And shit my pants!

Perhaps it is true that people get inspiration in toilets
Washroom Graffiti 4
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I came here
To shit and stink,
But all I do
Is sit and think.

There are also people who come in for a different purpose
Washroom Graffiti 5
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Some come here to sit and think,
Some come here to shit and stink,
But I come here to scratch my balls,
And read the bullshit on the walls...

Toilets walls are also job advertisement places.......
Washroom Graffiti 6
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(written high upon the wall)
If you can piss above this line, the Singapore Fire Department wants you.

Ministry of environment advertisement
Washroom Graffiti 7
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We aim to please!
You aim too! Please!

Washroom Graffiti 8
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Seen above a urinal:
Please do not throw cigarette butts in our urinal.
We don't piss in your ashtrays!

Washroom Graffiti 9
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
On the inside of a toilet door:
patrons are requested to remain seated throughout the entire performance.

Washroom Graffiti 10
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A sign at a swimming pool bathroom:
We don't swim in your toilet, so please don't pee in our pool!

Washroom Graffiti 11
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Another sign seen at a swimming pool:
Welcome to our ool.
Notice there's no P in it.
Please keep it that way.
This should teach you a lesson

Washroom Graffiti 12
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sign seen at a restaurant:
The hands that clean these toilets also make your food...please aim properly.

Just for laughs

2007-02-10T15:57:00.000-08:00

Little Johnny's Too Smart For First Grade
A first grade teacher, Mrs Brooks was having trouble with one of her students.

The teacher asked, "Johnny what is your problem?"

Johnny answered, "I am too smart for the first Grade. My sister is in the third grade and I am smarter than she is! I think I should be in third grade too."

Mrs Brooks had had enough. She took Johnny to the principal's office.

While Johnny waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Mrs Brooks he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first grade and behave. She agreed. Johnny was brought in and the conditions explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"

Johnny: "9."

Principal: "What is 6 x 6 ?"

Johnny: "36."

And so it went with every question the principal thought a third grade should know. The principal looks at Mrs Brooks and tells her, "I think Johnny can go to the third grade."

Mrs Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him, some questions?" The principal and Johnny both agree.

Mrs Brooks: "What does a cow have four of that I have only 2 of? Johnny, after a moment "Legs."

Mrs Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"

Johnny: "Pockets."

Mrs Brooks: "What starts with C and ends with T, is hairy, oval and delicious and contains a whitish liquid?"

Johnny: "Coconut."

Mrs Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink and comes out soft and sticky?"

The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Johnny takes charge.....

Johnny: "Bubblegum."

Mrs Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on 3 legs?"

The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer.....

Johnny: "Shake hands."

Mrs Brooks: "Now I will ask some 'Who am I' questions, okay?"

Mrs Brooks: "You stick your poles inside me.You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do."

Johnny: "Tent."

Mrs Brooks: "A finger goes inside me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first"

The principal was looking restless and a bit tense. Johnny: "Wedding Ring."

Mrs Brooks: "I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver?"

Johnny: "Arrow."

Mrs Brooks: "What word starts with F and ends in K and means a lot of heat and excitement?"

Johnny: "Fire truck."

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher, "Send Johnny to University, I got the last ten questions wrong myself!"

JUst wanted to say...

2007-02-10T14:49:00.000-08:00

I have been thinking a lot, and... My way is still not clear. I have no idea what I am aiming for still... I have all my short term goals, and they're all pretty and nice all stacked up in a corner, but what do i want? Current short term goals are simple things like, do well in school, find and learn new things in a city where I know no one and nothing of, keep in contact with old friends, and do God's work, whatever it is.

I have no answer..., to anything. I mean I have some friends here now, I've found an apartment that will last me the next three years, and I have plans as to what I will be doing those three years. What is it for though? Money? Status? Recognition?, I don't know, I want to be satisfied with my life, I want to learn so much, I don't want to be confined to a single subject, I want to know more! I like the idea of psychology to see what makes poeople tick, I like physics cos through a series of calculations and formulas, you can predict how something would work, aerodynamics, trajectory, spatial dimensions. I like chemistry, and its links to biology, how something so small, can create a worldwide phenomenon, how acids react differently and why? Is it due to 'reactivity'? something created by nature, or is it physics in the ways it's molecules and electrons are made? I like how all science ties together and splits apart yet doing it's best not to clash with each other, sort of like a symphony for a choir, many voices one song. I like music also for this reason, how separate 'pretty' parts can be conjoined into a beautiful whole. I like political science, and how the world has created so many governmental systems to promote the equality of man, and do it in so many ways, a sort of evolution due to historic events as simple as a tea party. I like religion and how symbols and interpretations and miracles have shaped it. I like the moral stories and gospels that speak of simple things with immense implications. I like sports as well the teamwork involved and personalities involved, how many people with different attributes and different mindsets can act in collusion, can act together towards one goal, and the adrenaline rush. I like computers, how the binary code and what the future of quantum computers present, where other than 0 or 1 , you can have states in between. I even like small animals, most obviously dogs and cats, I want to know how to care for them, commnicate with them.

There are a dozen more things I like and want to know, how do I reconcile what I want to do with life, with what I can do? Life is fantastic, but what do I do with it?

Really should blog about something

2007-02-10T14:00:00.000-08:00

cos it's been too long... Oh well, haven't had much interesting stuff goin on in my life recently I guess, plus not really ben in the mood to blog. i've had a lot of time of reflection and just thinking.

The prayer group at the King Street Residence hasn't commenced yet, but I believe it will, in time... I've withdrawn fom the Campus for Christ worship team, because I've been so busy on the rehearsal days and the rehearsal location is just really far since I have to walk there in -(double digit) temperatures. I have several midterms next week, and so am quite busily studying, and due to a complaint... am listening to music provided by Travis next door rather than playing my own music, the concrete wall transmit sound much better than I thought, and rather than disturb someone who's studying, I've been trying to keep as quiet as possible.. I still watch stuff on my com sometimes though.

On a side note, I've bought a second monitor for my laptop, it's a 19" screen, and it's pretty useful. Helps me to keep track of all the stuff I'm doin on my laptop. I normally work on my laptop screen and have either the notes I've "kept" on this secondary monitor, or just have people I'm msning with on it. Then I don't have to stop my work, jus look right, click, reply, and go back to work. Anyway reading week is coming up soon, will get a week to catch up to everything i haven't. So will probably blog then again... See if I'm in the mood.

Cya yeah, miss ya aunt, little aunt(van), Damein, bball guys, 'ex-gf for a day' and KM =D

Tired...

2007-01-28T22:59:00.000-08:00

I remember being more tired than I am now. Jus can't remember when and why... It's exhausting trying to study when you just want to leave the world behind and shoot some hoops. I miss basketball... There are some things I miss more, but not many....

2007-01-15T14:49:00.000-08:00

BECK-MCS
-19 I've Got A Feeling
Lyrics : Lennon & Mc Cartney Music : Lennon & Mc Cartney

I've got a feeling, a feeling deep inside, oh yeah

Oh, yeah, that's right

I've got a feeling, a feeling I can't hide, oh no no

oh no, oh no

Yeah, yeah

I've got a feeling, yeah

Oh please believe me, I'd hate to miss the train

Oh yeah yeah oh yeah

And if you leave me, I won't be late again

oh no, oh no, oh no

yeah, yeah

I've got a feeling, yeah I've got a feeling

All these years I've been wandering around

wondering how come nobody told me

All that I was looking for was somebody

who looked like you

I've got a feeling that keeps me on my toes

oh yeah, oh yeah

I've got a feeling that everybody knows

oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah yeah, yeah

I've got a feeling, yeah

Yeah

Everybody had a hard year

Everybody had a good time

Everybody had a wet dream

Everybody saw the sun shine

Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah

Everybody had a good year

Everybody let their hair down

Everybody pulled their socks up

Everybody put their foot down

oh yeah

Everybody had a hard year

Everybody had a good time

Everybody had a wet dream

Everybody saw the sun shine

Everybody had a good year

Everybody let their hair down

Everybody pulled their socks up

Everybody put their foot down

I've got a feeling I've got a feeling I've got a feeling, yeah

---------------------------------------------------------------------
This is a song from the anime Beck, not sure how accurate the lyrics are actually haha. Hmm, loved this song cos it epitomized to me how synergy can be created with the roght group of people. Just knowing how another person plays where in the world you fit and how it doesn't matter how good you are, jus how good you are together. Listen to the Beck or Mongolian Chop Squad version, really played by the Beat Crusaders, love their music =D

Lucas (my dog) would ask me to stay home and cuddle him more haha.

2006-12-24T17:55:00.000-08:00

It's Christmas Eve here, and it's a madhouse of preparations. There are so many things going on it's pretty insane right now. And there's Lucas in the corner jus begging to be paid attention to haha. Oh Well, Here's a general well-wishing to one and all yeah.

Merry Christmas to one and all,
Whether you be Short or Tall,
May you be joyous in hopefelt day,
As we celebrate in Blessed way.

Round yon tree Ornament lie,
Pray thee to elicit a sigh,
As the smiles of carollers wreath the porch,
And the turkey starts to scorch.

Take care rest well,
and peace be unto you,
Control yourself as you smell,
The food you really want to chew.

Haha, happy holidays everyone. =D

Some random pics... shhhh

2006-12-22T23:36:00.000-08:00

Lol I'm using my uncle's com and am now proceeding to upload some random pics i found in it haha...

One of my canadian cousins, pretty anot? Haha. This is my cousin Charlene

My uncles and aunt taking pic with the big man, have no idea how they got this shot.... Two dunno-who on the left, my Aunt Amy, The man, My Uncle Peter and Uncle Robert

Pictures from another cousin's wedding last year =D, this is my cousin Lynette, I know she's very chio haha
Her now husband, Ryan, honestly man, the most immature adult I know, smiley joker... Nice guy though... Lol my cousin's classmates and good friends, i know a few of them... My Aunt Angela, Her son, my cousin Carl, and my favourite dog in the world. Lucas!

My cousin Andrea, she's now a mom fo two with her husband Erik. The Hagmans!

And poor Lucas zonked out. Ok is all for nows. Till After Christmas!

Heh my subcoincious apparently..

2006-12-17T17:56:00.000-08:00

Shaun, your subconscious mind is most preoccupied with issues around your friendships

On a conscious level, you might already be aware that something is troubling you, or eating up a lot of time when it comes to your friendships. But it's also possible that thoughts and feelings about your relationships have been preoccupying your subconscious mind — leaving you with nothing more than a general sense that things just don't feel 100% right in your life though you can't quite figure out why.You may feel dissatisfied with your current circle of friends or conflicted about one of your closer friendships. Perhaps you long for more fulfilling connections, or wish that you found your friendships less draining, or more balanced. Or maybe you're so frustrated with your situation that you avoid the topic all together.Whichever feelings hold true, your test results indicate that right now, your subconscious mind is working overtime to resolve the issues confronting you in this area of your life — even if you don't feel aware of it.
However, you can learn easy ways to tap into your subconscious mind and discover the source of the issues that are preoccupying you.

Lol ever wonder if those pictures of heavy snow are real?

2006-12-11T17:49:00.000-08:00

this is a pic of my uncle's place haha...

lol...

My blog got me thinking

2006-12-10T18:42:00.000-08:00

Looking at the sheer length of my archives put my mind awandering. Browsing through my own blog, I can finally view myself objectively through my musings, as I would other people. I have grown a bit, and in some ways haven't changed at all. I am still the guy who is simply a friend to everyone, and in a sense, woefully unable to be boyfriend material. I am still the guy struggling to form my own identity. I am still the guy trying to forget the bad things.

I have changed in surprising ways though.

I am still just a friend to everyone, but I have sort of accepted that. I will likely never be the life of the party, the attractive person people gush about, the charismatic person everyone wants to know. But, I am the person who will in the quiet place, when someone feels lonely or inadequate, be there, to talk, or more importantly to listen. I know I am calming because I don't force people to become who I see them as, but realise them as who there are, and how I know they can further their potential. I am still the guy trying to find my his own identity, but instead of flailing about aimlessly, I planned a route, an experiment with my life, and asked God to lead the way. I don't try to forget bad things anymore, because I have a new perspective in life, every obstacle I have overcome is a badge of honor, of proof that God's faith in me was not wrong. I also sadly realize almost all the couples I wished well in the first few entries of my blog are no longer couples...(don't take this the wrong way, I am not gloating or anything, I just wish there was more to a relationship sometimes)

To those who didn't know, my oldest blog (this is my second blog) is on deviantart, my username was zero01 or zeroxion I can't remember which.

I'm currently looking at an entry I had on June 2nd 2004 and just realized how much of a foreshadowing they turned out to be. Pretty funny in a way I guess, that's how things start, with the small things you don't even notice yourself thinking. Then again, God is in the details, and small things add up.

Silversword and To kill a mockingbird, my two favourite books when I was younger. Not only because they were my literature texts, but because they both touched on the human condition.

I believe that two keys things have hampered the human potential for greatness. Namely, Violence and Fear. They feed and lead on to each other, creating a cycle that is simple, yet simply there. Sometimes I envision a snake eating it's own tail, (no not the great ring for Aes Sedai in Wheel of time Robert Jordan fans), when I think of those two. There are so many things to be fearful for/about. Other people's perception of you, losing something/someone precious, even of just the unknown. Also, many people mistake violence for courage in the face of fear. People fight because they think someone is trying to intimidate them, people fight because they think it makes them look brave, people fight because they are afraid.

But fear is not faced down with violence. Violence is also not courage. Courage is being afraid, yet acknowledging that fear, and doing what is right. Violence simply shunts away fear, not dealing with it, using violence over and over again to avoid it. Courage is seeing the bear, and drawing it's attention so your friend can run away, courage is being afraid for your own life, yet safeguarding another's.

Then like in Socrates' APOLOGY, I know myself I am not wise, nor courageous, but I seek knowledge, and do not claim to know all things or even be knowledgeable, I do know one thing for certain.

I am older, in my thoughts I have grown, and I still have far to go.

By popular demand lol,

2006-12-06T11:39:00.000-08:00

here are some nonsense pics I've taken over the past few days.

Niagara falls again! (pretty old actually, jus haven't uploaded pics in a while)

A Rainbow for ppl like KM to admire haha

Can you find Jaesson's Fav Animal? Where's the squirrel?
Me fooling around in the wax museum, recognize the chair?

"All the cars cowered in awe as the heavens opened up!" lol, nah they're just parked
Ooh Cat aract, aka cat heat vision! (lol friend's cat so cute, say hi to Cookies and Cream!)
You think snow is good? This is slush, yucks

~I'm.... dreaming, of a whiiite, chrristmas!...~
The snow field, footprints in the endless snowfield.... ok not quite endless, and boot prints not footprints...

Snwoball fight! with erm... me myself and I, Irene left... as in never came... oh wells.

Yups so here are some nonsense pics.. enjoy, my next upload will be after the exams, at least 2 weeks time. Adios and say a prayer for me yeah...

2 step forward and 1 step back

2006-12-01T01:59:00.000-08:00

After having two relatively good nights of sleep, I was woken up after a half hr's sleep by my very rowdy, very drunk roommates. Sigh, another sleepless night for me.Oh well... Decided not to waste my time, being grumpy, and decided to try some calculus mock exam questions. If I can do them while grumpy, half asleep and tired, I should be able to do them well during the actual exam. Ah well, all the best to me yeah.

Jolt Cola (changed entry)

2006-11-27T14:06:00.000-08:00

Hmmm, i'm gonna print a retraction here, since anonymous is angry at me. I know who it is and yes that person does have reason to be angry at me. I did not know that the concrete walls here carried sound quite so well. Some points though,

The weed wasn't by neighbours but was by two people invited by the neighbours
I knew it was weed only because they offered me, I have never seen weed in my life so have no idea if they were serious or not
Maybe they weren't stoned but drunk, i cannot tell the difference.
Yes i was wrong to say those things, but it was through ignorance so forgive me
Also, I have never claimed to be holier than anyone on this floor, or anyone in the world, I am also a sinnner like anyone else. I was a little high on Jolt Cola the day I typed the entry and I apologise for that, on the same note, things I put on here are to be taken with a grain of salt, if I wanted to espouse full unadulterated truths that bare my soul, I'd get a dog.
Lastly, I may not have friends, though some people here might contradict me, I accede the point that I am not really making an effort to make friends. In all honesty, I will be leaving this country in 3 more years, and it hurts to keep leaving friends behind, I have done it 3 times in my life before and it never gets any easier, I won't avoid it, but I won't look for it either, if there's anything else u'd like me to post on this retraction continue as you have, I am truly sorry you feel this way about me, but I am only human.

I may be worse than you.

Hoping wishing waiting

2006-11-26T18:31:00.000-08:00

for a way to jus sleep without worries, without stress, without a weight on my back.

For the past week I have been wondering, ......, how in the world did i sleep so easily before and what is different now... I have come to two conclusions.

Conclusion 1, not enough exercise!... so I went weight lifting today
Conclusion 2, not reading enuff (which considerin I read books like people smoke it might almost be cold turkey lol) so I decided to keep an hr free before bed to read tonight, hopefully things works out *fingers crossed*

Another Insomniac Night

2006-11-25T22:07:00.000-08:00

I don't know what in the world is keeping me up, I've tried not sleeping in the day, reading a book before i sleep, studying before sleeping, almost everything I can think of. I just can't sleep! And after turning around for a while, I start thinking of her! What am I to do? If this goes on much longer I'll start to go mad, honstly...

Honestly. after watching Bruce Almighty and him willing to be unhappy so tt the one he loves would be happy, I though I had laid my demons to rest. sigh... evidently not.

Finals are around the corner, and although this is just the first yr of business, 1/10 people in the cohort have already dropped out.

My thoughts keep wandering I have no grasp on my reality, partly because I am so tired, partly because I worry about her sometimes, partly because I feel so alone here sometimes. I wouldn't classify it as homesickness, more like a frustration in my lack of ability to make myself a whole person. I read a quote by Mother Teresa that sort of sums up how I feel right now...

I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much. - Mother Teresa

I'm tired, I'm hurting, I'm lost, I'm empty..., I was some of these before I came here. Now, I'm awake and unable to sleep... sigh...

Friday night

2006-11-24T15:10:00.000-08:00

Hmm it's friday night and i'm alone once again, had a short 2hr nap in the afternoon earlier, and now I feel slightly better. Still haven't had a chance to go out and play, but maybe I should get used to it. Other than goin to church I am starting to become a recluse haha.

Hmmm I have a fun 3 weeks ahead,
Next week: Physics Lab Test, and Philosophy 'Midterm' exam 2

Week after: Dec 7 Math 130 finals, Dec 8 Business 111 Finals

After that: Dec 12 Econs Finals, Dec 13 Philosophy Finals, Dec 14 Physics finals

I guess for the next three weeks I'll have to become a recluse. I'm still lonely, more often than not, but I am not home sick or anything, just a little tired of not being able to have fun and to have no one to talk with. God is lovely to talk with, it's just that He's not human... Not right now in any case. :)

• The dying, the cripple, the mental, the unwanted, the unloved-- they are Jesus in disguise. - Mother Teresa

Errant thoughts

2006-11-19T00:21:00.000-08:00

A good friend of mine likes to tell me, 'don't think so much.' That's a problem sometimes for me. Like now, it's 4 am in the morning on a saturday, I have church on the morrow, and I can't sleep. I keep thinking of someone...

She's someone special to me, I don't meet her very often truth be told, but all the same I think about her still, even though she feels a million miles away. In more way than one.

Some of the events of the past few days may have had some influence on my thoughts, but recently I just think of her at odd times, and find myself doing my work and wondering what she would say if she saw it. Odd things like that.

Even though I used to see her about only once every two months or so, I miss those times, as in frequent as they were. I don't know what I was thinking but I just can't sleep. Maybe I just miss her.

It feels wrong to miss her so much especially as she has someone else she loves and loves her back, but I just can't control the direction my thoughts flow towards. Especially when I want to sleep. sigh...

I think too much? Definitely. Is it a good or a bad thing? I don't know. Sometimes I don't know if I should ask God to help me forget, if not everything, the important parts. Or if I should ask God for something forbidden... Doesn't help that recently I have been hearing so many sermons on christians not asking enough of God. That people should use God to empower them, and not stick to timid prayers.

I might have aken it outof context. Point is, I can't sleep, and I don't even know what to pray for. I just end up praying she's happy, and protected. sigh. I can't sleep...

Artist: Adam SandlerSong: I Wanna Grow Old With You

I wanna make you smile, whenever you're sad,
Carry you around when your arthristis is bad,
All i wanna do,
is grow old with you

I'll get your medicine when your tummy aches,
Build you a fire if the furnace breaks oh,
It could be so nice,
growing old with you,

I'll miss you, kiss you,
give you my coat when you are cold.
I need you, feed you,
even let you hold the remote control.

So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink,
Put you to bed when you've had too much to drink oh,
I could be the man
who grows old with you
I wanna grow old with you

Update

2006-11-15T20:22:00.000-08:00

Well, I'm updating now cos I'm going to keep my word, although I don't really feel like it right now. So here goes...

It's been a pretty bad week for me honestly. Like some bad omen, first my guitar string snaps without anyone touching it, then it goes downhill from there.

Sunday night, Guitar string snaps, and I have a slight case of insomnia and find myself unable to sleep until 3am.

Monday, wake up very tired for 9am class, have 4 classes back to back with 2 mini tests, 4pm. Then rush to pick up glasses,(5pm) then rush to have a small dinner with guys from my Campus for Christ Discipleship Group. (7pm) then get back to room to study physics, business and philosophy. (8pm) get a msg from my business group mate, he and two girls are bickering over the focus of the project when presentation and final proposal next week. Want to radically change idea. 3 of them try to corner me and I play verbal taichi with them. (9pm) Finally managed to get them to admit real reason why they want to change proposal, they think change focus that I feel is impossible to work with, will be easier. I almost lose my temper, but managed to control and just feel tired. (10pm) finally get them to understand what a 16 year old in singapore would. Continue to study, continue to have insomnia, die in my bed at 2.30am.

Tuessday, (7.30am) morning have Discipleship group, get down to it. After that have 2 classes back to back. (1pm) Second class is physics lab which I hate the most. My lab partner doesn't show again so I have to do the whole experiment myself, write a whole bunch of crap to answer the lab, and bring home my next 4 hour lab report, which I foresee I will hate as well. (3pm)Teach 4 people how to answer online econs quiz, on surplus. (5pm) Alone in room, trying to string guitar, answer some people on msn asking about the quiz, studying philosophy, physics(rotation), read business ethics chapter and eat a dinner that cools rapidly. I finish nothing, not even my dinner. Sleep at 2am cos I just give up.

Wednesday today, wake at 8 for another 9am physics lec. finish it with no clue, skip math to get some sleep, I got 58/60 for my math midterm, so I don't think i'll die missing one lec. (1pm)Go for business lab trying to cram some reading for philosophy. Have a 2 hr break after business lec to scarf down a lunch and attempt to finish studying philosophy. Key word attempt, answering key word, failed. Went for 2hr 30 min philosophy lec, and now have to catch up to even more reading. (6.30pm) Ate a quick dinner, read liberty oil company which has screwed up ethics system and went for night lab(8.30pm - 10pm) Faced down 2 donkeys, I mean grp mates who wanted to change, and now i SEE THEM FACE TO FACE THEY TELL ME IT'S NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!! THEY EVEN ASK ME FOR FAVOURS! haiz, so i say ok, help them with econs and a bit of math cos they're donkeys. I mean too slow in their own studies. Reach back at my room at 11.30pm, studying for tmr's econs lec and philosophy tutorial.

sigh... and that's my week so far. Why must the axiom that, 'just because a student comes to the university doesn't mean they're smart', be so true? Would you like to buy a vowel? How about a clue? What about I give you a clue for free? If you don't drink and smoke and get hangovers so much, you might do better in your studies! Since I'm such a nice guy I'll give another clue for free! You call me smart, yet treat me like I'm stupid, when you're in trouble you look to me for help, when you're free, you don't know me. So whatever yeah... Thank you God for the obstacles I have to climb over. Once I'm over this hill I'll be able to make more money than Bill Gates, or I'll freeze on mount Everest. RIP

Last day of midterms...

2006-10-29T18:10:00.000-08:00

are tomorrow, so I'm feeling pretty good right about now. I'm pretty glad about my scores so far as well. I've no idea what to blog about right now... So I guess I will blog about a song. It's a song that after posting it in a reply to a good friend of mine, suddenly about 4 people have emailed me about it.That's not really all that many people I know, but for the number of people to go to the extent of emailing me for the song, it's quite enough. For the record I do not know who is the artist or of any band who have played this song but I really like it because it helps me to just release tension built up during the day. And if you want to learn this song I have a lousy singing voice, but I can send a recording to get you started.

He Will Carry You

G Bm
There is no problem too big
Am D7
God cannot solve it
Am D
There is no mountain too tall
G D7
He cannot move it
G Bm
There is no storm too dark
Am D7
God cannot calm it
Am D
There is no sorrow too deep
C G D7
He cannot soothe it

G D G Gmaj7
If He carried the weight of the world
Am D7
Upon His shoulder
Am D G D7
I know my brother that He will carry you
G D G Gmaj7
If He carried the weight of the world
Am D7
Upon His shoulder
Am D G D7
I know my sister that He will carry you

G Em Bm D A
He said, 'Come unto me, all who are weary
C D G(Em)
And I will give you rest (2x)

2006-10-17T18:42:00.000-08:00

The Hamster Dance

I watched it four times.... i think this is amazing....

2006-10-17T18:25:00.000-08:00

cute girl

freaky or amazingly cute? you decide...

2006-10-17T18:20:00.000-08:00

Sweet Tired Cat

I like cats and dogs... they're so cute...

2006-10-04T22:54:00.002-08:00

Contact Lenses - How It's Made

2006-10-04T22:52:00.000-08:00

How It's Made: Fiber Optics

Hmm one of the reasons y I always wanted to be a scientist when I was younger. Sometimes of all the things God has granted me. I wonder what would have happened if he had granted this wish of mine. Miss doing pure science..

part 2!

2006-10-02T18:45:00.000-08:00

Here's another pic of my room and....

This is Jeremy's room door? isn't what he put on it great? lol

ok, hey ppl email me or something yeah, it gets kind of lonely sometimes. stay in touch yeah. Peace out.

Pics of my apartment

2006-10-02T17:06:00.000-08:00

I realize I haven't posted pics of my humble(and extrememly messy) abode as yet, so here they are.

The first 3 are views of my really messy room... Aww, ain't it homey?

Yes those are pics of the peeps at my party behind my laptop, see I have proof I miss all of you haha.

This is the Corridor leading to the apartment...

Travis Wolfe's room, my neighbour haha

Study Area/dining table lol

Living room, with Travis glued to the couch in a reclining position

View of the kitchen.. See! we cook! That's why it's messy!

two more pics in my next post!

Amazing geace

2006-09-22T20:35:00.000-08:00

Victor Wooten

Amazing 'Amazing Grace'

Day 2

2006-09-12T19:35:00.000-08:00

of Uni and already I'm struggling... sigh... It's so difficult to go from a working adult to a full time student again. Especially when you're in a different country. the culture is different, cool and f- seems so overused here. The meanings have completely transformed in some cases. Body language here is also different, people here are really friendly, but they have a really guarded body language, as though they all wear a mask they don't want to drop. Ah well, I jus have to re-learn everything I guess.

So far, Uni is kinda stressful cos I've no friend which I've bonded with sufficiently to jus relax with. Everyday I'm evaluating my response, just because people here are different. Also, I feel as though I've been tossed off the deep end. I had a test on the first day which counts (2%) towards my final grade. The format of answering the math questions is also different. The christians here are also 3rd and 4th generation Christians, so unlike Singapore which has a lot of born again Christians, well... It's jus really different, their faith is more a theoretical one than one where God is beside them day by day. It's almost as though they've been told what to believe and they just believe it without experiencing it themselves. It's a completely new battleground from when I was struggling in my life or when I was in army.

Plus points so far though, is that I've managed to contact the Canadian version of campus crusade here, called Campus for Christ, and the facilitator seems like a really nice guys. He's a born again Christian, and wants to guide others to know what he knows. I want to do the same, but the balancing act hasn't really stabilised yet. Sigh, there're so many things to pray for. For aunt, for time, for the Christians in Canada, for my best friend, for my sis, for my parents, for my friends in similiar positions as mine overseas... The list is practically unending. Well, the good news for me is I don't need an air-con here haha, it's starting to get really cold. Hope I find the right clothing for the right weather haha. God bless to all yeah, will post more soon... I hope. :)

ok last of the pics

2006-09-07T19:13:00.000-08:00

Lol, some random picsfrom all over the place...too lazy to put em all chronologically...

Kaze trying to shoot the photographer, lucky his aiming sucks and he doesn't have a gun.. so grabs the next best thing... and misses still...

Lol YM people in the midst of lousy lighting and taken with a sad camera phone haha, anyone can sponsor me an SLR? =D

YM again with Iz and mark in the middle...Intended them to take pics with another grp but they had to leave early... oh well... hmm I realize I dun have pics with jus me and Iz lol oh well..

Friendlies again... Looking somewhat normal...finally...

YM doin their usual 'looking anywhere but the camera' again haha

The peeg, me and daddy long hands haha... The three musketeers, super free, therefore play ball, pool, dota, crash at Andy's place, jam in church etc... All sorts of nonsense haha

Me and Aunt again haha, pretty ain't she?

Lol, some of the 02s63ers, those that didn'tleave early that is... :P

Last but not least Esther and Vanessa, the two blur little girls in the church haha... Heys, take care and stay safe yeah, I can't fetch the two of you home anymore, so please don't go home too late and all the best for ur studies!

OK that's all for now...whew,alot of pics uploaded, slowly browse through the whole lot yeah. Hey aunt, miss ya k? To the rest, I won't forget you, take care ,God bless and I'll be back. :)

Bday pics continued

2006-09-07T18:28:00.000-08:00

adding some in a second post cos the pics couldn't fit into the earlier one...too much bytes used haha... anyways on with ze show yeahs?

Haha, some group photos,look good don't they? =D

Hmm Aravin aka Kaze, Hansel aka best friend, Ishan aka Internet girl, and Michelle aka Aunt.=D

My co-workers in TMC, I hope I will find as understanding and as great a bunch as these in the church grp here :) Together we strive to glorify God :)

Hansel showing off -.-

Psalm100 choir grp :) another fun-loving grp of people. Great going out and discussing stuff with the whole bunch :) All the best Desmond!

Hmmm ok one last post for the rest... Now for the pics in my phone...not much but hey... I'm boring anyway haha...

Finally!

2006-09-07T16:40:00.000-08:00

I've received some pics from my birthday celebrations! haha, had two celebrations actually, one with just my relatives and one with all my friends (ok not all...but the greater majority of them haha)
so here they are!

Lol a little small I know but these are some of the pics of my relatives and I, and one of me trying to murder the cake lol.

Now are some pics of the dinner crew! haha.

The Church YM peoples aboves haha

02S63 and aunt haha

Uncles and aunties in church (haha...nonono! dun hit me! okokok!)errata, the very mature and wise members of the church =D Plus Iz and Mark.

Well more on the way!

WLU-er!

2006-09-05T18:05:00.000-08:00

Hmm, here I am, in hyper-active WLU. Many, many people here who seem to have hyperactive thyroids here... All can't seem to stop jumping around and cheering and singing endless Happy Birthday songs... Then again it might just be because it's O-week haha. It's kinda crazy how nice everyone seems to be here. Everyone just keeps saying hi and 'how're u doin' even though they don't know who you are. I'm not saying only the seniors, but even those in first year. I ended up being rather infected with it, and met some ppl along the way tt I'm not too sure I'll ever meet again haha. Life's been pretty hectic tho. Almost everyone here is relaxed cos most of them live a max of abt 2 hrs away? They don't do the laundry, they bring like almost nothing into the apartment, and they basically just stay there cos it's near the uni...

Anyway in other thoughts, I'm considering joining their foot-patrol... It's a student run organisation where you are basically based near a phone line. Whenever a student dials in, they are to escort the student to or from anywhere in Waterloo( cos waterloo is small.) The nearer locations they walk with the student, and they even have a van for locations a bit further from the uni. It sounds pretty good cos 1.)I'd have a resonably static position all day to study(beside the phone)2.) I'd have someone to talk to ( the student I'd walk with, other footpatrollers as well as the Emergency response team, who utilise the same number) 3.) I'd get some exercise! 4.) I'd get to know the area much better.( walk with them there still needto walk back haha)

I'm still seriously considering choir or campus crusade, however, I see no sign so far of either one. Well I'll keep this blog updated on my activities,and if you read this blog, you as well yeah :) God bless!

I'm here!!!!!!

2006-08-29T22:32:00.000-08:00

Haha, landed yesterday actually but was too tired to blog. I've discovered that there's a problem with my laptop's spacebar. Getting on my nerves :P. Anyway, my relatives in Canada are really nice. They tried to plan a surprise birthday party for me, and failed, haha.

First they told me they were going to have a big dinner on the night of my birthdate, then my mom told me to dress up properly, then my Dad called me from singapore to ask if i'm meeting 'the rest' later even though he didn't know if I was out or at home. Last but not least I met another uncle on the way and he wished me happy birthday. Not that I didn't want him to know, but if you only see someone like 5% of the time a year, you generally don't remember their birthday unless someone tells you lol. But the dinner did hold some surprises... An aunt I didn't know very well, walked up to me and told me she'd been holding an account for me since I was born and had put in some cash every new year christmas and birthday. I know she doesn't earn a lot but the amount was a whopping 3.5K! Wow, it's incredible, even my relatives in Singapore wouldn't do such a thing.

Saw my nephew and niece as well, (cousin's children) my nephew is my senior in uni -.- 2nd year, and my niece has grown from a very introverted person to a rather vivacious young lady. Anyway it's getting kinda late,so I have to go, will keep with the updates as best I can. TTYL!

in Between Planes

2006-08-28T04:05:00.000-08:00

Hmm, to all interested and maybe less interested parties, i'm right now blogging from the Airport Library of Taipei International Airport. The flight has so far been uneventful other than an incident of a small boy playing behind me and kicking me for 2 hrs... And me subsequently playing with the boy until he fell asleep... He was still sleeping when we landed haha. Cute boy lah. Sadly I forgot to charge my hp before the flight and couldn't take pictures of him(yes i noe my phone has become my camera, but whatever works yeah.)

Anyway, I'm currently planning to stay up for the next 14 hrs as I will reach Canada in the evening. If all goes as strategized, i'll have a long night's rest and be completely jetlag free the following day(at least tt's the plan). I'm still wondering what kind of guitar to buy... actually I already have some slight idea... Hopefully tt will bear fruit.

Hmm, ok signing off for now. take care everyone, I'm fine still alive and all tt yeah. :) Hope everyone remembers me and smiles lots. adios amigos

2006-08-21T04:09:00.000-08:00

I can see clearly now（ＰＶ）ーbeat crusaders

Hee one of the best done covers ever. The beat crusaders are responsible for a lot of great japanese rock, playing the intro song for animes like Beck and Bleach. They also compose music for songs used within anime themselves. It's really cool style which they use.

~SilverBird~

Death of the Silverbird

A little update

Can't think of a title...

21 days

"Boulevard Of Broken Dreams"

~the broken voice~

Waking Life

Recent events

Weighed Down

Being Back In Singapore

Update

Here i am

Sigh

Tired

Time for everything

My Lord strengthens me

Save me

Nothing

Where is the light I used to have?

Sick Sick Sick

Bored...

Calling Overseas

Rain Down

Lifesong

I give up

Sigh....

Random Thoughts

4.23am

Daft Punk - Around The World

Hmm

Ave Maria

Ave Maria

IQ Test

Current mood

Studying

Pretty True

Jars of clay

Happy Halloween, or All Hallow's eve

Sigh...

Que Sera Sera

Yes! I found it!

Who am I

God is watching...

Help

Time for school...

Finally

Let my words be few

Welcoming a new family member! =D

Bianca Ryan And I'm Telling You I'm Not Going

For the Longest Time

Billy Joel-The Longest Time

For the longest time

Back in black

Busy Beaver

New template

If Everyone Cared

If Everyone Cared

A Semi-finalist

Music

Reflections off a murky pool...

Krytonite

Snow Day 2

*sniff sniff* "momeeeeee... it's oveeeeeeeeeerrrrr!"

Just for laughs

JUst wanted to say...

Really should blog about something

Tired...

Lucas (my dog) would ask me to stay home and cuddle him more haha.

Some random pics... shhhh

Heh my subcoincious apparently..

Lol ever wonder if those pictures of heavy snow are real?

My blog got me thinking

By popular demand lol,

2 step forward and 1 step back

Jolt Cola (changed entry)

Hoping wishing waiting

Another Insomniac Night

Friday night

Errant thoughts

sniff sniff "momeeeeee... it's oveeeeeeeeeerrrrr!"