~SilverBird~: July 2006

Hmm a week of having little to do resulted in an unwanted time of reflection for myself.I've been thinking about so many things so much that I believe I've made things worse. I once read an article in Discover magazine where they held an experiment where two sets of people were given 2 cars to choose from. Then they were told to make a choice betweemn the two cars. One group was kept in isolation with time to discuss and just think about the better car. The other group was told to finish very complex puzzles(i.e Sudoku etc), and were given new puzzles whenever they finished their puzzles. The group who were kept preoccupied generally made the better choice, while the result was reversed for the group which had time to think. I feel that that may be reason for my slight dilemma...

Anyway, the week feels kind of wasted. With me going out with only two of the people I really wanted to go out with. The whole world seems to only be free next week... And I mean that figuratively. Last week peple told me they could have lunch with me this week. After furthur questioning, it is once again 'next week'. So I expect to have a confirmed appointment the week AFTER I migrate.

Migrating can be really frustrating. Especially when your Uni is in another country,you don't really know anyone in that state, and the whole cadre of friends expect you to return despite the word MIGRATE. I wouldn't mind returning to Singapore compadres except that I don't want to limit the multitude of options available to any person. Friends ARE important to me. More than most people will ever know. Yet I find the need to find a niche where I can spread the proverbial wings and just take off. I know I can do it, I just need to find it... Sounds like a scene from POC2 , Dead Man's Chest, I right now have the picture of a key. i just need to find the key (facing a whole plethora of perils) and the chest with which to unlock it(a bone needle in a haystack the size of the world, good luck with magnets).

Everytime I try to access myself, I just find myself confused. As someone who has been so introspective, I largely know the extent of my abilities (not very great). But I cannot unerstand how and what niche I belong to. (The image of the key) So i need to find the niche I belong to (the key itself) and work hard in it to become successful(the chest).

I'm wondering if I should get a sort of CCA in my uni when I get there. Knowing myself, it should have something to do with music. But that leads me to three possiblilties. Hmm ok being honest wth myself, two actually. Choir or Campus crusade. I would love so very much to be in a choir. Especially if it is one where the people are dedicated to making good music and know how to have fun. I wouldn't really mind bein in campus crusade either. Yet, I'm not sure if I'm quite as 'enthusiastic' as most of them seem to be. It has always been my part to be a listener and lead people to God through care and concern.

Anyway I gtg, have to get a haircut and spend another day finding stuff to do. Too much thinking just allows the mind to justify what should not be justifiable. Happens all the time, just read about 'False Memory' and 'Psychological sight'. Anyway bye yeah.

P.S. aunt, thanks for your words on your blog, it made me feel all warm inside. But I still hope we can meet up to have a proper talk, and before 26 august...God bless