Lucas (my dog) would ask me to stay home and cuddle him more haha.

It's Christmas Eve here, and it's a madhouse of preparations. There are so many things going on it's pretty insane right now. And there's Lucas in the corner jus begging to be paid attention to haha. Oh Well, Here's a general well-wishing to one and all yeah.

Merry Christmas to one and all,
Whether you be Short or Tall,
May you be joyous in hopefelt day,
As we celebrate in Blessed way.

Round yon tree Ornament lie,
Pray thee to elicit a sigh,
As the smiles of carollers wreath the porch,
And the turkey starts to scorch.

Take care rest well,
and peace be unto you,
Control yourself as you smell,
The food you really want to chew.


Haha, happy holidays everyone. =D

Some random pics... shhhh

Lol I'm using my uncle's com and am now proceeding to upload some random pics i found in it haha...

One of my canadian cousins, pretty anot? Haha. This is my cousin Charlene

My uncles and aunt taking pic with the big man, have no idea how they got this shot.... Two dunno-who on the left, my Aunt Amy, The man, My Uncle Peter and Uncle Robert

Pictures from another cousin's wedding last year =D, this is my cousin Lynette, I know she's very chio haha
Her now husband, Ryan, honestly man, the most immature adult I know, smiley joker... Nice guy though... Lol my cousin's classmates and good friends, i know a few of them... My Aunt Angela, Her son, my cousin Carl, and my favourite dog in the world. Lucas!

My cousin Andrea, she's now a mom fo two with her husband Erik. The Hagmans!

And poor Lucas zonked out. Ok is all for nows. Till After Christmas!

Heh my subcoincious apparently..

Shaun, your subconscious mind is most preoccupied with issues around your friendships

On a conscious level, you might already be aware that something is troubling you, or eating up a lot of time when it comes to your friendships. But it's also possible that thoughts and feelings about your relationships have been preoccupying your subconscious mind — leaving you with nothing more than a general sense that things just don't feel 100% right in your life though you can't quite figure out why.You may feel dissatisfied with your current circle of friends or conflicted about one of your closer friendships. Perhaps you long for more fulfilling connections, or wish that you found your friendships less draining, or more balanced. Or maybe you're so frustrated with your situation that you avoid the topic all together.Whichever feelings hold true, your test results indicate that right now, your subconscious mind is working overtime to resolve the issues confronting you in this area of your life — even if you don't feel aware of it.
However, you can learn easy ways to tap into your subconscious mind and discover the source of the issues that are preoccupying you.

Lol ever wonder if those pictures of heavy snow are real?

this is a pic of my uncle's place haha...

lol...

My blog got me thinking

Looking at the sheer length of my archives put my mind awandering. Browsing through my own blog, I can finally view myself objectively through my musings, as I would other people. I have grown a bit, and in some ways haven't changed at all. I am still the guy who is simply a friend to everyone, and in a sense, woefully unable to be boyfriend material. I am still the guy struggling to form my own identity. I am still the guy trying to forget the bad things.

I have changed in surprising ways though.

I am still just a friend to everyone, but I have sort of accepted that. I will likely never be the life of the party, the attractive person people gush about, the charismatic person everyone wants to know. But, I am the person who will in the quiet place, when someone feels lonely or inadequate, be there, to talk, or more importantly to listen. I know I am calming because I don't force people to become who I see them as, but realise them as who there are, and how I know they can further their potential. I am still the guy trying to find my his own identity, but instead of flailing about aimlessly, I planned a route, an experiment with my life, and asked God to lead the way. I don't try to forget bad things anymore, because I have a new perspective in life, every obstacle I have overcome is a badge of honor, of proof that God's faith in me was not wrong. I also sadly realize almost all the couples I wished well in the first few entries of my blog are no longer couples...(don't take this the wrong way, I am not gloating or anything, I just wish there was more to a relationship sometimes)

To those who didn't know, my oldest blog (this is my second blog) is on deviantart, my username was zero01 or zeroxion I can't remember which.

I'm currently looking at an entry I had on June 2nd 2004 and just realized how much of a foreshadowing they turned out to be. Pretty funny in a way I guess, that's how things start, with the small things you don't even notice yourself thinking. Then again, God is in the details, and small things add up.

Silversword and To kill a mockingbird, my two favourite books when I was younger. Not only because they were my literature texts, but because they both touched on the human condition.

I believe that two keys things have hampered the human potential for greatness. Namely, Violence and Fear. They feed and lead on to each other, creating a cycle that is simple, yet simply there. Sometimes I envision a snake eating it's own tail, (no not the great ring for Aes Sedai in Wheel of time Robert Jordan fans), when I think of those two. There are so many things to be fearful for/about. Other people's perception of you, losing something/someone precious, even of just the unknown. Also, many people mistake violence for courage in the face of fear. People fight because they think someone is trying to intimidate them, people fight because they think it makes them look brave, people fight because they are afraid.

But fear is not faced down with violence. Violence is also not courage. Courage is being afraid, yet acknowledging that fear, and doing what is right. Violence simply shunts away fear, not dealing with it, using violence over and over again to avoid it. Courage is seeing the bear, and drawing it's attention so your friend can run away, courage is being afraid for your own life, yet safeguarding another's.

Then like in Socrates' APOLOGY, I know myself I am not wise, nor courageous, but I seek knowledge, and do not claim to know all things or even be knowledgeable, I do know one thing for certain.

I am older, in my thoughts I have grown, and I still have far to go.

By popular demand lol,

here are some nonsense pics I've taken over the past few days.

Niagara falls again! (pretty old actually, jus haven't uploaded pics in a while)

A Rainbow for ppl like KM to admire haha

Can you find Jaesson's Fav Animal? Where's the squirrel?
Me fooling around in the wax museum, recognize the chair?

"All the cars cowered in awe as the heavens opened up!" lol, nah they're just parked
Ooh Cat aract, aka cat heat vision! (lol friend's cat so cute, say hi to Cookies and Cream!)
You think snow is good? This is slush, yucks

~I'm.... dreaming, of a whiiite, chrristmas!...~
The snow field, footprints in the endless snowfield.... ok not quite endless, and boot prints not footprints...

Snwoball fight! with erm... me myself and I, Irene left... as in never came... oh wells.

Yups so here are some nonsense pics.. enjoy, my next upload will be after the exams, at least 2 weeks time. Adios and say a prayer for me yeah...

2 step forward and 1 step back

After having two relatively good nights of sleep, I was woken up after a half hr's sleep by my very rowdy, very drunk roommates. Sigh, another sleepless night for me.Oh well... Decided not to waste my time, being grumpy, and decided to try some calculus mock exam questions. If I can do them while grumpy, half asleep and tired, I should be able to do them well during the actual exam. Ah well, all the best to me yeah.

Jolt Cola (changed entry)

Hmmm, i'm gonna print a retraction here, since anonymous is angry at me. I know who it is and yes that person does have reason to be angry at me. I did not know that the concrete walls here carried sound quite so well. Some points though,

The weed wasn't by neighbours but was by two people invited by the neighbours
I knew it was weed only because they offered me, I have never seen weed in my life so have no idea if they were serious or not
Maybe they weren't stoned but drunk, i cannot tell the difference.
Yes i was wrong to say those things, but it was through ignorance so forgive me
Also, I have never claimed to be holier than anyone on this floor, or anyone in the world, I am also a sinnner like anyone else. I was a little high on Jolt Cola the day I typed the entry and I apologise for that, on the same note, things I put on here are to be taken with a grain of salt, if I wanted to espouse full unadulterated truths that bare my soul, I'd get a dog.
Lastly, I may not have friends, though some people here might contradict me, I accede the point that I am not really making an effort to make friends. In all honesty, I will be leaving this country in 3 more years, and it hurts to keep leaving friends behind, I have done it 3 times in my life before and it never gets any easier, I won't avoid it, but I won't look for it either, if there's anything else u'd like me to post on this retraction continue as you have, I am truly sorry you feel this way about me, but I am only human.

I may be worse than you.

Hoping wishing waiting

for a way to jus sleep without worries, without stress, without a weight on my back.

For the past week I have been wondering, ......, how in the world did i sleep so easily before and what is different now... I have come to two conclusions.

Conclusion 1, not enough exercise!... so I went weight lifting today
Conclusion 2, not reading enuff (which considerin I read books like people smoke it might almost be cold turkey lol) so I decided to keep an hr free before bed to read tonight, hopefully things works out *fingers crossed*

Another Insomniac Night

I don't know what in the world is keeping me up, I've tried not sleeping in the day, reading a book before i sleep, studying before sleeping, almost everything I can think of. I just can't sleep! And after turning around for a while, I start thinking of her! What am I to do? If this goes on much longer I'll start to go mad, honstly...

Honestly. after watching Bruce Almighty and him willing to be unhappy so tt the one he loves would be happy, I though I had laid my demons to rest. sigh... evidently not.

Finals are around the corner, and although this is just the first yr of business, 1/10 people in the cohort have already dropped out.

My thoughts keep wandering I have no grasp on my reality, partly because I am so tired, partly because I worry about her sometimes, partly because I feel so alone here sometimes. I wouldn't classify it as homesickness, more like a frustration in my lack of ability to make myself a whole person. I read a quote by Mother Teresa that sort of sums up how I feel right now...


I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much. - Mother Teresa

I'm tired, I'm hurting, I'm lost, I'm empty..., I was some of these before I came here. Now, I'm awake and unable to sleep... sigh...

Friday night

Hmm it's friday night and i'm alone once again, had a short 2hr nap in the afternoon earlier, and now I feel slightly better. Still haven't had a chance to go out and play, but maybe I should get used to it. Other than goin to church I am starting to become a recluse haha.

Hmmm I have a fun 3 weeks ahead,
Next week: Physics Lab Test, and Philosophy 'Midterm' exam 2

Week after: Dec 7 Math 130 finals, Dec 8 Business 111 Finals

After that: Dec 12 Econs Finals, Dec 13 Philosophy Finals, Dec 14 Physics finals

I guess for the next three weeks I'll have to become a recluse. I'm still lonely, more often than not, but I am not home sick or anything, just a little tired of not being able to have fun and to have no one to talk with. God is lovely to talk with, it's just that He's not human... Not right now in any case. :)

• The dying, the cripple, the mental, the unwanted, the unloved-- they are Jesus in disguise. - Mother Teresa

Errant thoughts

A good friend of mine likes to tell me, 'don't think so much.' That's a problem sometimes for me. Like now, it's 4 am in the morning on a saturday, I have church on the morrow, and I can't sleep. I keep thinking of someone...

She's someone special to me, I don't meet her very often truth be told, but all the same I think about her still, even though she feels a million miles away. In more way than one.

Some of the events of the past few days may have had some influence on my thoughts, but recently I just think of her at odd times, and find myself doing my work and wondering what she would say if she saw it. Odd things like that.

Even though I used to see her about only once every two months or so, I miss those times, as in frequent as they were. I don't know what I was thinking but I just can't sleep. Maybe I just miss her.

It feels wrong to miss her so much especially as she has someone else she loves and loves her back, but I just can't control the direction my thoughts flow towards. Especially when I want to sleep. sigh...

I think too much? Definitely. Is it a good or a bad thing? I don't know. Sometimes I don't know if I should ask God to help me forget, if not everything, the important parts. Or if I should ask God for something forbidden... Doesn't help that recently I have been hearing so many sermons on christians not asking enough of God. That people should use God to empower them, and not stick to timid prayers.

I might have aken it outof context. Point is, I can't sleep, and I don't even know what to pray for. I just end up praying she's happy, and protected. sigh. I can't sleep...

Artist: Adam SandlerSong: I Wanna Grow Old With You

I wanna make you smile, whenever you're sad,
Carry you around when your arthristis is bad,
All i wanna do,
is grow old with you

I'll get your medicine when your tummy aches,
Build you a fire if the furnace breaks oh,
It could be so nice,
growing old with you,

I'll miss you, kiss you,
give you my coat when you are cold.
I need you, feed you,
even let you hold the remote control.

So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink,
Put you to bed when you've had too much to drink oh,
I could be the man
who grows old with you
I wanna grow old with you

Update

Well, I'm updating now cos I'm going to keep my word, although I don't really feel like it right now. So here goes...

It's been a pretty bad week for me honestly. Like some bad omen, first my guitar string snaps without anyone touching it, then it goes downhill from there.

Sunday night, Guitar string snaps, and I have a slight case of insomnia and find myself unable to sleep until 3am.

Monday, wake up very tired for 9am class, have 4 classes back to back with 2 mini tests, 4pm. Then rush to pick up glasses,(5pm) then rush to have a small dinner with guys from my Campus for Christ Discipleship Group. (7pm) then get back to room to study physics, business and philosophy. (8pm) get a msg from my business group mate, he and two girls are bickering over the focus of the project when presentation and final proposal next week. Want to radically change idea. 3 of them try to corner me and I play verbal taichi with them. (9pm) Finally managed to get them to admit real reason why they want to change proposal, they think change focus that I feel is impossible to work with, will be easier. I almost lose my temper, but managed to control and just feel tired. (10pm) finally get them to understand what a 16 year old in singapore would. Continue to study, continue to have insomnia, die in my bed at 2.30am.

Tuessday, (7.30am) morning have Discipleship group, get down to it. After that have 2 classes back to back. (1pm) Second class is physics lab which I hate the most. My lab partner doesn't show again so I have to do the whole experiment myself, write a whole bunch of crap to answer the lab, and bring home my next 4 hour lab report, which I foresee I will hate as well. (3pm)Teach 4 people how to answer online econs quiz, on surplus. (5pm) Alone in room, trying to string guitar, answer some people on msn asking about the quiz, studying philosophy, physics(rotation), read business ethics chapter and eat a dinner that cools rapidly. I finish nothing, not even my dinner. Sleep at 2am cos I just give up.

Wednesday today, wake at 8 for another 9am physics lec. finish it with no clue, skip math to get some sleep, I got 58/60 for my math midterm, so I don't think i'll die missing one lec. (1pm)Go for business lab trying to cram some reading for philosophy. Have a 2 hr break after business lec to scarf down a lunch and attempt to finish studying philosophy. Key word attempt, answering key word, failed. Went for 2hr 30 min philosophy lec, and now have to catch up to even more reading. (6.30pm) Ate a quick dinner, read liberty oil company which has screwed up ethics system and went for night lab(8.30pm - 10pm) Faced down 2 donkeys, I mean grp mates who wanted to change, and now i SEE THEM FACE TO FACE THEY TELL ME IT'S NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!! THEY EVEN ASK ME FOR FAVOURS! haiz, so i say ok, help them with econs and a bit of math cos they're donkeys. I mean too slow in their own studies. Reach back at my room at 11.30pm, studying for tmr's econs lec and philosophy tutorial.

sigh... and that's my week so far. Why must the axiom that, 'just because a student comes to the university doesn't mean they're smart', be so true? Would you like to buy a vowel? How about a clue? What about I give you a clue for free? If you don't drink and smoke and get hangovers so much, you might do better in your studies! Since I'm such a nice guy I'll give another clue for free! You call me smart, yet treat me like I'm stupid, when you're in trouble you look to me for help, when you're free, you don't know me. So whatever yeah... Thank you God for the obstacles I have to climb over. Once I'm over this hill I'll be able to make more money than Bill Gates, or I'll freeze on mount Everest. RIP

Last day of midterms...

are tomorrow, so I'm feeling pretty good right about now. I'm pretty glad about my scores so far as well. I've no idea what to blog about right now... So I guess I will blog about a song. It's a song that after posting it in a reply to a good friend of mine, suddenly about 4 people have emailed me about it.That's not really all that many people I know, but for the number of people to go to the extent of emailing me for the song, it's quite enough. For the record I do not know who is the artist or of any band who have played this song but I really like it because it helps me to just release tension built up during the day. And if you want to learn this song I have a lousy singing voice, but I can send a recording to get you started.



He Will Carry You

G Bm
There is no problem too big
Am D7
God cannot solve it
Am D
There is no mountain too tall
G D7
He cannot move it
G Bm
There is no storm too dark
Am D7
God cannot calm it
Am D
There is no sorrow too deep
C G D7
He cannot soothe it

G D G Gmaj7
If He carried the weight of the world
Am D7
Upon His shoulder
Am D G D7
I know my brother that He will carry you
G D G Gmaj7
If He carried the weight of the world
Am D7
Upon His shoulder
Am D G D7
I know my sister that He will carry you

G Em Bm D A
He said, 'Come unto me, all who are weary
C D G(Em)
And I will give you rest (2x)

The Hamster Dance

I watched it four times.... i think this is amazing....

cute girl

freaky or amazingly cute? you decide...

Sweet Tired Cat

I like cats and dogs... they're so cute...

Contact Lenses - How It's Made

How It's Made: Fiber Optics

Hmm one of the reasons y I always wanted to be a scientist when I was younger. Sometimes of all the things God has granted me. I wonder what would have happened if he had granted this wish of mine. Miss doing pure science..

part 2!

Here's another pic of my room and....



















This is Jeremy's room door? isn't what he put on it great? lol


ok, hey ppl email me or something yeah, it gets kind of lonely sometimes. stay in touch yeah. Peace out.

Pics of my apartment

I realize I haven't posted pics of my humble(and extrememly messy) abode as yet, so here they are.

The first 3 are views of my really messy room... Aww, ain't it homey?


Yes those are pics of the peeps at my party behind my laptop, see I have proof I miss all of you haha.


This is the Corridor leading to the apartment...

Travis Wolfe's room, my neighbour haha

Study Area/dining table lol

Living room, with Travis glued to the couch in a reclining position

View of the kitchen.. See! we cook! That's why it's messy!

two more pics in my next post!

Amazing geace

Victor Wooten

Amazing 'Amazing Grace'

Day 2

of Uni and already I'm struggling... sigh... It's so difficult to go from a working adult to a full time student again. Especially when you're in a different country. the culture is different, cool and f- seems so overused here. The meanings have completely transformed in some cases. Body language here is also different, people here are really friendly, but they have a really guarded body language, as though they all wear a mask they don't want to drop. Ah well, I jus have to re-learn everything I guess.

So far, Uni is kinda stressful cos I've no friend which I've bonded with sufficiently to jus relax with. Everyday I'm evaluating my response, just because people here are different. Also, I feel as though I've been tossed off the deep end. I had a test on the first day which counts (2%) towards my final grade. The format of answering the math questions is also different. The christians here are also 3rd and 4th generation Christians, so unlike Singapore which has a lot of born again Christians, well... It's jus really different, their faith is more a theoretical one than one where God is beside them day by day. It's almost as though they've been told what to believe and they just believe it without experiencing it themselves. It's a completely new battleground from when I was struggling in my life or when I was in army.

Plus points so far though, is that I've managed to contact the Canadian version of campus crusade here, called Campus for Christ, and the facilitator seems like a really nice guys. He's a born again Christian, and wants to guide others to know what he knows. I want to do the same, but the balancing act hasn't really stabilised yet. Sigh, there're so many things to pray for. For aunt, for time, for the Christians in Canada, for my best friend, for my sis, for my parents, for my friends in similiar positions as mine overseas... The list is practically unending. Well, the good news for me is I don't need an air-con here haha, it's starting to get really cold. Hope I find the right clothing for the right weather haha. God bless to all yeah, will post more soon... I hope. :)

ok last of the pics

Lol, some random picsfrom all over the place...too lazy to put em all chronologically...

Kaze trying to shoot the photographer, lucky his aiming sucks and he doesn't have a gun.. so grabs the next best thing... and misses still...


Lol YM people in the midst of lousy lighting and taken with a sad camera phone haha, anyone can sponsor me an SLR? =D


YM again with Iz and mark in the middle...Intended them to take pics with another grp but they had to leave early... oh well... hmm I realize I dun have pics with jus me and Iz lol oh well..


Friendlies again... Looking somewhat normal...finally...


YM doin their usual 'looking anywhere but the camera' again haha


The peeg, me and daddy long hands haha... The three musketeers, super free, therefore play ball, pool, dota, crash at Andy's place, jam in church etc... All sorts of nonsense haha


Me and Aunt again haha, pretty ain't she?


Lol, some of the 02s63ers, those that didn'tleave early that is... :P


Last but not least Esther and Vanessa, the two blur little girls in the church haha... Heys, take care and stay safe yeah, I can't fetch the two of you home anymore, so please don't go home too late and all the best for ur studies!

OK that's all for now...whew,alot of pics uploaded, slowly browse through the whole lot yeah. Hey aunt, miss ya k? To the rest, I won't forget you, take care ,God bless and I'll be back. :)

Bday pics continued

adding some in a second post cos the pics couldn't fit into the earlier one...too much bytes used haha... anyways on with ze show yeahs?




Haha, some group photos,look good don't they? =D




Hmm Aravin aka Kaze, Hansel aka best friend, Ishan aka Internet girl, and Michelle aka Aunt.=D


My co-workers in TMC, I hope I will find as understanding and as great a bunch as these in the church grp here :) Together we strive to glorify God :)


Hansel showing off -.-


Psalm100 choir grp :) another fun-loving grp of people. Great going out and discussing stuff with the whole bunch :) All the best Desmond!

Hmmm ok one last post for the rest... Now for the pics in my phone...not much but hey... I'm boring anyway haha...

Finally!

I've received some pics from my birthday celebrations! haha, had two celebrations actually, one with just my relatives and one with all my friends (ok not all...but the greater majority of them haha)
so here they are!


Lol a little small I know but these are some of the pics of my relatives and I, and one of me trying to murder the cake lol.

Now are some pics of the dinner crew! haha.



The Church YM peoples aboves haha



02S63 and aunt haha



Uncles and aunties in church (haha...nonono! dun hit me! okokok!)errata, the very mature and wise members of the church =D Plus Iz and Mark.

Well more on the way!