Tired but happy....

Lol, i didn't realise how much i missed my best fren... haha, i've known him for like a decade and he's 3 yrs older than me..., but we always seem to have something to tok abt, something to do together, something to jus laugh abt. Now tt he's back from his month-long student exchange programme, I me up with him today.. lol, three days after he returns... Ahh, i'm tired, but feel great, seem to be able to tok to him abt everything and anything... He's smart, I know his likes and dislikes, his modus operandi, even the way he likes to walk...(basically, he has poor psycho-motor ability so he stays far far away from ppl to avoid bumping them lol) I even know his weak areas in computer games and sport( a really slow reaction time..., but dun play strategy or timing games with him... he'll trash everyone...) Haiz, i've been to his house so many times i can go through his house in pitch darkness(and have done so plenty of times... lazy to find the light switch... dun need to anyway...) Jus remembering the times we played games... and i mean gameS! everything from slap jack in primary sch to Warhammer armies and games we invented ourselves to keep our neighbours and siblings happy(he has a sis same age as mine, and our neighbour is this boy we still keep in touch with...) Haiz, sometimes... I wished he was my bro...

Oh wheee...

Haiz, all i noe is tt i want to bury my head in the sand.. whether i'll laugh or cry after i achive tt... i don't know... I got back my SAT 2 results... I did even worse for my english then i did in sec 4... and i did better for my maths than in my physics for my 'A' levels, yet managed to do the exact opposite for my SAT 2... I'm here sitting in my chair thinking, wtf am i supposed to do now? I have no idea what i have an aptitude for and what I simply do well in cos i study it easily... Personality test jus make things worse.. almost al of them classify me as someone who has a high degree of logic or something similiar. Which causes me to think, then wtf do i do so badly for every subject? ah wth... I'll jus do what i had thot of doin..., cast my net far and wide, see what i catch... I'll try for physics engineering in UBC, psychology and business in Simon Fraser Uni, Law and businesss in Several US unis...

Drill...

and drill and drill and drill... Zzz... Haiz, have a parade tmr morning=today drill till it was picture and pitch perfect... 60 ppl stomping the floor dirt into submission and in synchronisation. With the background music of ,"lep...lep... lep, rite, lep..." and the occasional bellowing of, " Impeg kernan"(keep right),"Kirri Biluk!"(turn left),or thank God,"berhenti!"(halt). An hour of drill, and it wasn't exactly the music of the spheres... I also ended up thoroughly confused at the multiple engine mechanism that we were introduced to today... sigh... I can only remember now that the SM1 engine has a wet sump, a turbocharger, 2 camshafts(lobed), a crankshaft(yes this is not a typo), a crankcase, cylinder with pistons, rocker arm, lubrication system and i've forgotten the other dozen or so things... Oh well, at least i'm happy abt something.. my pull ups have improved slightly..., can do two confidently now... even on a full stomach and wearing the arm restricting 'smart 4'. Have to sleep early tonight, cos have to get up extra early for the parade tmr...

Anyway in other news not concerning army or my increasing ego... Ishan contacted me today as well as one of my oldest and best frens( i call him lunatic)..., One is back from china and the other vancouver respectively... I'm meeting my friend on wednesday to watch Spiderman! haha, and once again, have no idea when i can meet up with Ishan... And nowadays it barey hurts to think of her... I guess 7 months of absence does tt to a person...

Right here right now...

Lol, i composed another tune... Jus for the heck of it... This makes 4... I wonder if i'll play it for anyone else other than myself in future?... Hmm anyways, today was rather slack, tho i had a hard time fighting the Zzz monster... Accumulation of Guard Duty plus scoccer... Nothing much to say other than the thot tt's been on my mind all day... Ishan's coming back from China tmr! I wonder if she'll sms me she's back?...

Today was a good day

Or at least it was a day where i learnt something useful for a change, rather than sit around going crzy from boredom... Finally got a chance to use my brain again... Learning abut engines is really rather fun... The only thing hanging over my head the whole day was the fact that i have to do guard duty tmr...sigh... oh well..., can't have everything in life..., ok will blog even more when i have something i really need to say..., today is the day of a life that feels normal... for once in a long long time... And tt actually makes me happy haha...

Reading...

Well one thing i can say abt my unit... It sure enables me to catch up on my reading... well will blog more on the morrow... Too tired tonight...

Sad case

I've ended up using my sis's com, cos i was smart enuff to lock myself out of my own com... Yes u read it here first, i locked myself out of my own com without knowing how I did it... Well, not exactly the whole com... Jus the internet capabilities... I somehow erected a firewall preventing all internet connections and i'm not even sure how i did it. The best part is, in my zeal to repair it, i suspect i deleted the program which erected it in the first place... so i can't pull it down now. Haiz..., well i had a nice boring day at the AVTW/OETI/my unit for all u noobs hu dun understand what i'm saying... Sat till my butt was flat, went 4 a break, read course work that was so basic, i could prolly figure it out myself thro half an hour of try and error... And they gave us 3 hrs to read it... The most tiring part of the day was prolly the area cleaning... Haiz, y am i not surprised... Yay, pes C sai kang warriors... We unlike most of the NS soldiers train to be cleaners rather than soldiers... anyway i wana go chat with aunt now, so tat to those others reading :) alatabista...(i think tt's how it's spelt at least :P)

This is the day ♪♫♪♫ that the Lord has made :)

lol, I simply love music... and particularly singing :)Yupz, i dunno y, there's simply something to it that's simple, yet so fantastic at the same time haha... Anyway, I had a nice day ok, not overly fantastic, but one of those days that makes u glad( or me more precisely) that i go to church. Being with frens, hearing theirs stories, helping out the younger ones, teaching those who want to know more. The feeling is jus... I don't know, i might get tired of it in yrs to come.. but jus..., not right now :) I also had a good time during driving, managed to get an instructor i was familiar with... He claims he's surprised i failed... Haha, and he fell asleep again when i was driving... He couldn't find my mistakes other than the 'blind spot' ones again... Oh well... I jus feel good today, i coughed little, had an enjoyable time with frens, and escorted a ex-cell grp member to her home... She's only sec 2..., I felt I had to :P Hmm this is the day ♫♪ :)

Again

Haha, i must be a sucker for punishment or something... I asked the same girl out... again... and the result is the same again... I got pang seh at the last min.. again..., that makes 6 times she pang seh me in 4 months... Hmm, well at least i wasn't even surprised this time...I guessed i'm getting used to it... Oh well, i spent the day by myself... again... No one contacted me at all... except a church member who wants me to do something for the church... again..., so i said yes... as usual.. and life goes on... This repetition is getting boring... I wonder what would happen if instead of me being pang seh... I left other ppl hanging?...

Learnt a lesson today

I learnt a few things abt myself today... I really really shouldn't be idle..., doing anything sensible is much preferred over being completely and absurdly free... I mean, i realised I was much happier actually doing meaningful stuff as opposed to being free... I know most students and people in general look for free time... But it's not free time most people should be looking for, but time to do what is meaningful to them. Like me, although i get a much needed break from NS... I didn't feel happy until i filled up my schedule with stuff i needed/wanted to do... Like practice the guitar, read up on stuff relevant to my future NS work/studies, and basically catch up on my reading. I guess, i know what i must do to be happy nowadays, and this is also the reason y in every personality test i've ever taken, i'm supposed to be the uunsual one of being neither extroverted nor introverted, but a perfect balance of both. I dun care if i'm with people or whether i'm alone, as long as i'm doin something meaningful like catching up with old friends,hepling new, having fun with them, or simply staying at home and fixing stuff, i'm happy... I'm happy :)

Old poem ~ Irony of the world by S.L.J

I love the situations God puts me in,
I laugh at the irony even as,
I feel tears coursing down my cheeks,
With my heart clenching into knots.

To be tormented, again and again, on earth,
While trying to be an angel.
To be praised and looked up to to,
While not even trying.

I understand the busy ant-people,
I understand the rejecting of the inferior,
I understand the importance of family,
I understand the unintentional hurts.

But it still hurts when she says,' I'm too busy'
'There's someone else i like',
'My Mom has a day off, i'm not free',
'I'm sorry, i forgot, I'm going out with my friends.'

To laugh or cry,
To be angry or sad,
To demand or just accept,
Is my question.

I only know,
I'm depressed,
As i'm impressed,
By the irony of it all.

Old poem ~ Lessons by S.L.J

Although I believe we would find,
A good road ahead, a favour in kind,
We should never leave,
What we've learnt behind.

From the capricity of human nature,
To the altruism of human nurture,
We come to understand,
How uncertain the future.

Love gained and Loved lost,
Ever we are ruled like Faust,
By power, greed, but finding not only in chemistry,
Changes irreversible, or heat lost.

We travel from beginning to end,
The journey on which life sends,
Of hardship, of pain,
Of a thousand footsteps in the sand.

The sandman cometh to all,
Only in sleep do we fly, and not stall.
Yet even in dreams, we find unstoppable,
The vision of the trench, in which lives fall.

Flat as a mirror, water on a still pond,
You reflect, on the shore beyond,
Then comes the stone, out of the blue,
And nostalgia, for thoughts we were fond.

Turned around, razzled, dazzled,
A change, this heralds!
A swerve in our very lives,
A shift in battle, a flag unfurled.

Adapt we must, or fight the tide,
Both invoke much hardship, I confide,
It is not an easy task,
But from this challenge, we cannot hide.

Soon enough the beach is still,
The ripples disappear,
The tide goes out,
And to the victor goes the spoils.

It starts

The first day of the rest of my two years.... :P *sigh* I'm an automotive technician, 'A'class... What it breaks down to is...,
1.) I'm going to be a Armour class vehicle mechanic.
2.) In 3 months time I have to be posted to a stay-in unit(i.e. I go home only on weekends)
3.) That will be the story of my life for the next two years
4.) Most of the ppl of my pes( pes c9) will be having cushy jobs in offices as clerks
5.) These facts actually made me glad that i dun have a gf...(which is also rather sad)

haiz, oh well, at least i have 3 months' grace to relax a bit...

first day...

In my new posting. And i already feel tired... I basically am training to be a mechanic... that fixes tanks.... oh well, on the bright side it will be really interesting.. but it would've been better if i didn't have to do it in a military setting...

Shit

Have you ever woken up feeling like shit? yes? Then what about waking up, with out being been on anything and feeling like shit? I mean i went to bed ok last night... Yet i wake up thinking, my block leave is practically over and what have I done in the meantime tpo show for it? 1.)failed my driving test 2.)Gone to a club and left at an unGodly early 12midnight 3.)Had a worship team gathering at my place 4.)Pang seh by the same girl again...

I agree with my friend, yes, i am a retard... And now I don't even know what i want to do today... Going to town is rather boring if u go alone... And staying at home jus compounds the stupidity... I think i'll go to Sim Lim , haven't been there in a while... jus go there and spaz out... Call me if anyone wants to do anything ok?... I'm goin nuts from boredom here..

Announcement of the day

I failed, yup i did... Was nervous and did something i never have before... I hit the curb... twice... Fantastic... Oh well, spent the rest of the day doin stupid stuff, jus for the symmetry of it... I wish someone would jus come along and have a nice long chat with me, and that it would be an ointellectual conversation... I'm tired of NS 'men' telling me, 'eh and i went to this pub saw this girl', and, 'eh the sgt ah, ', or 'Haha, i'm sry i'm busy, like, everyday for the next 4 years, maybe another day ok?' , or better yet 'eh shaun, can help me do this this this this this this this this, cos i dunno how...'. Bloody hell, yes i noe how to do all of them... but aren't u supposed to know how as well? God... ok i'm done ranting feel better :) :P

Ayer Rajah Camp

That really sux... you know how far that is? And the best part, it's near ACS(I)... The school that i had the most bad memories of...Hmm the funny thing is that i'm not going to become a clerk or a storeman, unlike what i first thot, i'm goin to be an automotive tech... i wonder what tt is... Hope it's something like a mechanic, that would actually be ratrher fun and i'd get to learn lots about engines and even use that knowledge often haha... Well pray hard :P Hmm in other news, my cough is getting worse, but i'm feeling better, weird huh? At least i haven't lost my voice yet... And my fren has told me she can't meet me today... so i'll stay at home and jus... Ba long long suck thumb as they say in the army...

Gunbound

Gunbound... well, honestly, i've lost some of the enthusiasm i had for it, but it's still rather fun... I think i'll go and play it for a while now....
Random Thot: I think i want to practice armour today.... lots of people are saying it's strong...

Thoughts of the day

Thought 1.) Singing with Bronchitis feels great, but is hell to pay after
thought 2.) Entertaining worship team = flat wallet :P
3.) People really like to come to my house and jam..., maybe it's cos i have a drum set, guitar, and baby grand in the same rm...
4.) I used to think the dist from my house to the bus stop was short..., until today, after the 4th or 5th time i ran to the bus stop to pick up a lost traveller... Those slopes get steeper every time, i swear...
5.) I play the guitar well enough that a musical director from another church thinks i played it for at least 4 yrs..., the truth is closer to 8 months...
6.)I play the piano well enuff that a musical director from another church thinks i played it for at least 7yrs :P.... The truth is closer to 2 and a half...
7.)I think the music director is a quack cos he got random thot 5 and 6 completely wrong :P... so sad...
8.)The thot of losing my voice isn't really making me all that depressed... I wonder y?... haha maybe cos i dun really tok to anyone except through internet anymore?... ah, the life of an NS man... How... predictable...
9.) i should really stop this cos i get random thots all the time and if i listed all of them down, i'd get another few hundred in the meantime, thus creating a never ending story so... THE END

Day after P.O.C

Hmm, went to the doc today, after 12hrs of sleep, heh, discovered all my efforts were for naught, cos i managed to get bronchitis again... Which i think means i'll probably lose my voice again, and be really depressed again. It also means, due to the phlegm, I cannot play basketball, or do any strenuous activities... So physical training is out. I gues the only thing that leaves me is to study again... Study something that i'll probably forget in a year or two... Oh well, i guess i can study instrumentation instead... Improve my piano playing(cos it sux) and my guitar playing(getting better at it), and touch up on my old violin skills(cos that sux too...) Well, worship team gathering today... Will be busy soon, will post again tonight i guess :P I hope i manage to chat with either aunt or jamie or yuenteng... lol 3 girls that laugh so easily :P dun understand y they even get depressed sometimes, i tok to them short while only, they happy liao...

P.O.C.

Whee, for all non-pes C personnel, it means pass out ceremony. Basically it's a sit-down version of the passing out parade. Essentially what we all did today was, 1.)Sit down and listen to CSM talk about bullshit, as usual 2.)Took lots and lots and lots of photos 3.)Made the sgts pay for torturing us... in a friendly way... of course... i guess..., throwing them into the air and pouring ice water on them is NOT unfriendly. 4.)Bully the new enlistees from next door(cos technically we'e higher rank now..., privates to their recruit status :P yes evil!)5.)Ate some funny thing that SAF might actually have thought was a nice meal, but i viewed as a greasy, oily, finger of sausage wrapped in an equally oily, greasy fried bread...

Lol, i jus realised i have to go..., too tired..., fell asleep over the com typing that lat sentence.. will add more tmr... time now...2030 :P

6th June

Well, today, I didn't do anything much really, ended up jus playing bball, and stoning in my cousin's house, playing taitee... Managed to get them all to quit playing taitee... The moment they mentioned pushups as penalty for having cards left, i left them owing me 169 pushups... The best part was they expected it... Anyway, managed to get my rhythm for basketball back.. finally, after 3 months of slack playing, i played seriously today... Managed to get my shooting and passes to their usual peak. Now all I need to brush up on is my centre move and strategy analysis, then i'll be my old self. i think in the upcoming two years, i'll try to make this as an example to the rest of my life, I'll do my best to improve as much as is humanly possible in basketball... If nothing else than to prove it to myself i can do it. Hmm, after that talk from my friend, where she said she felt i was being complacent in my activities, i started to believe that she is right. So i plan to train up every singleaspect of my life. Starting from basketball i'll train up my stamina and skill(basically for my own good health), then i will move on to improve my piano and guitar playing for the church. LAst after all that, i guess, I'll restudy everything in my 'A' level syllabus. Then test myself with the SAT 2. Tiring, insane? Well, one of my favourite things to say to others, is to 'take things one at a time'. I guess it's time to shape up, focusing on one thing at a time. Focus also has it's rewards. It excludes the extraneous details of life. And achievement would taste so much sweeter. With goals set and goals met. Well, i have goals now, and i'll try to meet them... I really dun thing they'll kill me... haha, feel good today... Jus damn tired :P anyway jus wanna say, thx aunt...

Sigh...

I dunno what is wrong with me... I miss my classmates, yet, it takes me 2 hrs to decide whether or not i should go for what i had thot was a class gathering... I dun understand myself, maybe i have some nagging sixth sense that warns me off... Onli never to be heeded by my personality. I went, found out it was actually my fren's birthday, and that onli 2 classmates went. It was rather sad actually, a VJC guy, an 'A' level high scorer, who manages to get into the Airforce. A laudable high achiever, and the only people who bother to come are, 4 Army frens, 3 Classmates, 6 Bandmates, and 7 relatives... The food and chairs laid out clearly shows he expected/invited approx 30~40 people... If no one else feels bad, i feel bad for him.

Kinda reminded me of my birthday... At home with a broken foot with onli my family, friends mostly busy studying for prelims and 'A' levels... Well, it wasn't a really bad experience, had people like Aunt and jie and my best friend messaging me most of the night, and i really love my parents and sis... But, I will always remember that night as one, where i felt acutely that i was missing something in my life. And it also pulls me to wonder, is there something wrong with me? Why can i do so much yet achieve so little? Why do I feel full yet empty at the same time? Is it me that is in the wrong?

Forgive me if my thoughts seem disjointed but this has always been the way my thoughts flow, not seamlessly, but all in a complex web that somehow connects when it shouldn't. I mean, i can play more instruments than most people, yet, i can't seem to get past a certain level. I can hear, and feel it in my soul, but i simply can't produce it. It was the same thing with Art classes, the basics i learnt with a 'snap' of my fingers, the shadows and the subtleties, i fail miserably, even when i can see the image clearly in my mind's eye.

Is it because i'm shallow? or stupid? Only able to grasp the basic due to my unusual experiences in life? Yet never able to obtain the beautiful complexities of the world? Why am I the jack of all trades, yet with all my heart and soul, unable to be the master of 1? With each thot, searching for an answer... I turn up more and more questions... Who am i? I have never leant towards the arts or sciences, because to me they are both of equal beauty and importance. Art is the key to human civilty and altruism, science the key to humanity's logic and reasoning processes. They are both that make a person human, and both are not mutually exclusive. But here is another problem, nature in meshing everything together also causes them to split apart... Nature hates a vacuum, yet there is space. Nature adores symmetry, yet careful observation yields asymmetry in everything. Nature adores evolution, the process of logic, where one thing changes to become better, yet chaos theory also works, a butterfly in Texas causes a hurricane in Japan. So does my mind try to find order in my life, and yet altough i control my actions, i'm hit by impulses every so often.

What am i doin? I don't even know... Do i even want a girlfriend? Or a throphy I can show my friends? Am i even worthy of such? The more I think of it the more I am apalled by the comparisons i make. gir;s are meant to be cherished, yet i find myself coldly calculating their looks and their personalities and ages... I don't know what i'm doin anymore, i don't know what i want and i don't know if i'm doin the right thing. I feel like a person who stops looks around and sees a crossroads from hell, paths leading away in every direction 360 degrees. I don't even know who to turn to. Haha, I post this here so that people will knwo i'm slowly goin mad. My best friend, who i used to teach maths, chinese chess moves, and ways of thinking to improve memory... Now leaves me behind, achieving Best student at his JC, achieving so much which i can't, and i KNOW i'm jealous. I should be happy for him, and i am, but, the snake worms in my heart. My friends who i chat with regularly on the net... Almost every single one of them has scored better than me, and i've been jealous and envious of every single one of them. I'm only human.

So what if i can grasp concepts faster than almost everyone i noe? So what if i can learn physical components like games and instruments faster than almost everyone i noe? So what? So what if i can read c++ by teaching myself? So what if i know topics of interest and knowledge from almost every topic on earth? So what? so what? There will always be someone who can do it better than me.

I used to want to be the best in at least one subject, then i settled for being above average, now.... I can't even do tt, i'm so stupid i can't even kep up with my peers. I've lost a lot of self respect over these 6 yrs... And i can't find a way to get it back... I'm almost 19 and i can't even get past 2nd base with a girl... And i think it's all my fault..., jus dunno what i'm doin wrong... sigh...

Honestly, if u read this and u think u know what's wrong with me, jus tell me str8to my face, i want to change bt i don't know how... pls... thx i guess...

Kingdomality????

Your distinct personality, The White Knight, might be found in most of the thriving kingdoms of the time. Don Quixote was a White Knight as was Joan of Arc, the Lone Ranger and Crusader Rabbit. As a White Knight you expect nothing in return for your good deeds. You are one of the true "Givers" of the world. You are the anonymous philanthropist who shares your wealth, your time and your life with others. To give, is its own reward and as a White Knight you seek no other. On the positive side you are merciful, sympathetic, helpful, giving and heroic. On the negative side you may be impulsively decisive, sentimental and misdirected. Interestingly, your preference is just as applicable in today's corporate kingdoms.

some swirve quiz

The Inspector

Dependable. Trustworthy. Practical. Down to earth. Does this sound familiar? You probably don't care for the fancy stuff and the high-wire lifestyle, either. Yes, you are BORING. Ok, that's a bit harsh, but you're a quiet person, and other people don't always see the whole you. There's nothing wrong with that -- who cares what they think? There are more important things in the world anyway.

In group situations, you are often the most important cog. After all, it's your job to make sure that everything gets done right. Sometimes, this means its your job to do it all yourself, but that's another story. You make sure things run smoothly and without you, things would probably go very, very wrong.

Your attention to details is something often lacking in today's fast-paced world. Remembering birthdays and anniversaries comes easily to you, and the the little things make all the difference. In your family life, you will make an excellent husband or wife, father or mother. Your practical side ensures that the little things are taken care of, and that the house and home is maintained both physically and emotionally.

Possible Careers: Accountant, Lawyer (p.s yes i'm boring i admit it...)

The Teacher (the second vocation)

Potential: It's a word you think about more than most others. You like the idea of what can be as opposed to what is. That's where the Teacher in you shows up. You won't necessarily be a teacher professionally, but that's not what this is all about. You know how to get the most of out people, and that is a talent that is very valuable.

You're the consummate planner, good with people and good with ideas. Creative and quick, you can respond to any problem with a plan, and you can get the people around you to make it work. When you're around, things go the way they are supposed to. This makes you feel good, right? Yeah, it's supposed to.

All of this is great, but there is a downside too. Your ability to make others shine means you're often in the background. You don't get the credit you deserve, and that really sucks, even if you refuse to admit it. Hopefully, sometime down the road, someone who's life you changed will come back and sing "Wind Beneath My Wings" for you. This will make it all worth it.
(lol, the more personality tests i do, the more i DON'T understand myself :P hahaa... but so fun to see )

I'm back!

Hmm i'm back at home, chatting with some ppl now so i can gear up and start studying for my SAT II test... Wonders of wonders i finally see Ishan online, lol, talking to her is both a joy and a heartbreak, haha, i think i better tok less abt her here now, cos i'm gonna give her this blog site addy :P Wait she read my past entries, and then I die! Haha, tho there's less here than in my previous blog :P Anyway, I think i'll sleep early tonight, think of a way i can help my fren jaesson... He's kinda depressed over a girl, and i noe the feeling... Oh well, cheers!

First thing in the morning

I wake up, yell at my sis to hurry up and jus rush abt doin stuff haha... Managed to get my hair cut, went to the doc to get more meds and ended up in Serangoon Gardens with my maid... I finally thot of something today, abt myself, maybe the reason y i'm like this is cos i want to feel like i'm apreciated and needed. And when no one needs me, or when everyone is self-sufficient i get depressed, read abt a character like tt once... Lol, I dunno lah, all i noe is that i'm trying to understand myself, but simply can't... Will continue to introspect myself lol cheers :P

3rd june

What is this?... I feel tired and confused..., My brain isn't working well now... Hmm, a thousand thots are running through my head... haiz, sometimes, i wonder y girls are like tt, and y i'm like tt. So over protective of girls, i mean they're not exactly defenseless, on the contrary i have reason to believe they're even stronger emotionally than i am. Yet there's something abt them, that causes me to... argh, can't think... think i'll go do one of my fav meditations..., playing an instrument...

Hmm night time...

Well i'm feeling mucho better, lol, due to some prayer and actual research...Sat II is easier than i thot, and well, the rest I prayed and will leave to God i guess :P There's actually nothing i can do abt any of them anyway, so i realised... Jus take em one at a time and let God and circumstance handle the rest :) The best part of the day was I managed to help a fren, a bit at least :P Haha, I dunno how much i helped, but I glad i did help a bit :P

Anyways, I was watching Discovery Channel this morning, and saw a report that meditation increases the happiness of an individual, any individual, and the more i thot abt it the more I felt it was true. Whenever I Prayed or simply jus quietened my heart and mind to think about anything, I could feel loved and jus a greater conciousness surrounding me, making my troubles seem so petty sometimes. When in this state, it's so easy to find solutions to problems and to jus disregard some problems altogether. I.e. I can think less emotionally and more logically in steps to solving problems... and problems which i can't help, well, there's no use in worrying abt them, since they would happen anyway, jus tackle them one at a time. Life is so simple and filling when I pray, the shadows recede and God's light fills my hara I am truly blessed to have found Him again in Sec 3, the year before most of the greatest trials in my life...

2nd June

Hmm, well it's a day of mixed blessings, my hard work in camp finally finally paid off..., resulting in me being able to book in on thurs afternoon rather than weds night and book out on fri night rather than sat morning... Unlike the other slackers... Yet, i find these two advantages to be more precios than i had imagined... In jus one day i find out...
1.) I had forgotten that i had an SAT II test on sat...
2.) Due to this i hadn't studied
3.) I was invited to a gathering of old classmates on sat evening
4.) My best friend wants to play bball on sunday...

The rest days now become more usful and valuable in that...
1.) I have slightly more time to study
2.) I can actually make it for the SAT II test
3.) I can get more rest and enjoy the gathering more
4.) I will definitely have time to meet up with my best fren :)

But...
1.) Had really wanted to use the time to sleep and get better, stil really sick
2.) Wanted to tok to Ishan, but now i find myself struggling to do work tt i haven't had practice in for months
3.)I'm at my wits end looking for time..., I had too much time to myself 2 weeks ago and now... 4 ppl contact me, and want me...(ok want is not exactly the word i wanted... but my brain is overloading...)
4.) When i felt so stressed over studying last night, the first person I thot of was Ishan... followed by Aunt... :P Haiz, guess, well, haven't gotten over her jus quite yet, and I had jus seen Aunt online...(always a source of good auntie comforting haha, must listen to elders :P)
5.) I jus feel tired..., I want to worship my bed, cos i'm sleeping on the floor in camp..., my bed broke, and the seargeants are too bloody lazy to replace it.

God, i jus feel so pressed for time, when i had all the time in the world last week..., and this always happens... sigh...