Haha, i'm in the holiday mood, mainly cos most of my frens are finally free and i can make some time to go out with them. Don't care if i have the flu, jus wanna get out of the endless cycle of mindless work and mindless play. Hmm it's been pretty good so far.
Heh, I've watched 2 movies recently, 'Shutter' and 'Alexander', well both weren't exactly unmitigated disasters, but ended up rather disappointing... Problem with shutter... Immature audience, lol, teenage girls were screaming in the intro, the scary parts the NON-scary parts and even the parts that only looked like they were going to be scary... Other than that the movie is kinda obvious in some ways (*spoilers ahead skip the rest of this paragraph if you plan to watch 'Shutter' and don't want me to spoil it) The girl whom they bang isn't reported in the papers( almost standard in most ghost stories), they find a way to tell if a ghost is around them(some ghost stories use an ouija board, they use a polaroid camera, fitting it's name), the scene in the male toilet where he is handed a toilet roll(dun u jus hate it when u have to go and there's no paper?), by something/someone? with long painted nails, he bangs the door open to find...a Transvestite that asks him if he'she can 'poo' first. Then when the ghost finally appears, as standard, she(also another standard, female ghosts are scarier) she is always behind him... Lastly cos of the hints of the doctors office of his weight anomally, my best fren and i were taking bets halfway through the show as to the ending. He bet she was sitting on his shoulders, i bet she was gripping on, like piggyback. He won the bet.
Now for 'Alexander', have you watched 'Troy'? Take the movie, compress it, and rerun the battles 3 times from different angles, and you have a rough approximation of what 'Alexander' is like. My friend was wondering if he saw the movie before, he had a sense of deja vu, then realised two of the scenes in 'Alexander' if seen in a mirror image, was found in 'Try' exact positions and props... Cool Yeah.
Haha, even camp has been weird the past week or so, nthing gets done in the upper echelons of power as everyone's on vacation. As a happy result, no one in the 'small fry' divisions gets to do much work... Yours truly is actually looking for work to do for once... I mean the only work that's increased is the number of leave forms to process. And i can pretty much do tt in an hour's work... The rest, preparation of paperwork etc is practically non-existent right now...
Lastly, the 1 thing that's been taking up my time this past week... Maplestory, haha, was influenced by a friend of mine(hi pris) to play this game of mindless slaughter of creatures that actually look pretty cute. It's 2D, a almost complete rip off of pristontale, yet the reason i guess it's so popular is the multiple channel system and it's simplicity (i mean i've met and chatted with 7 yr olds in there, how diffiult can they game be?)
Anyway, the popular science website and the howstuffworks.com website are calling to me now, love those two sites... Fantastic new things to learn about, like the W16 engine(consists of two merged V8 engines), etc etc... Fun to read haha, with post again another time... Peace out
Tuesday, December 07, 2004
Thursday, November 25, 2004
Mobilisation
Haizzzzz, there's a mobilisation this weekend for my camp..., mean si can't realy make much plans... oh well, nvm...
khay:thx for helping e check my email..., sry to bother ya so often..
jas: hope u do well for ur 'A's man, the lava lamps are great, thx again
nat: i will remember the ball pump
to val, isabella and xx whom i noe never come, unless hell maybe freezes over: ganbatte for 'A's too.. yosh!
In other news, I've gotten re-addicted to gunbound thanks (or no thanks) to pris... Plus the fact that i stay at home every night with nothing to do. Now you church people know why I never mind you asking me to do stuff on weekday nights. Ah well, life of an undesirable NSman. Heh, end up being an old guy playing gb -.-...
Wanna watch 'The Incredibles', need some light entertainment tt's sorely lacking in my life. Anyone care to watch it with me? Should be free... If i'm lucky.. sigh...
This post kinda lame, will post in future when i HAVE something to post abt.
BTW, Happy B'day Hern Ping, noe u'll never read this, I don't know why i bother, but end of day u still my cousin yeah? Pray to God you'll find ur proper path someday (hopefully soon). Pray that He will take care of you, especially that weak knee of urs, and tt God will provide. Finally 19 yeah... All the best, God bless...
khay:thx for helping e check my email..., sry to bother ya so often..
jas: hope u do well for ur 'A's man, the lava lamps are great, thx again
nat: i will remember the ball pump
to val, isabella and xx whom i noe never come, unless hell maybe freezes over: ganbatte for 'A's too.. yosh!
In other news, I've gotten re-addicted to gunbound thanks (or no thanks) to pris... Plus the fact that i stay at home every night with nothing to do. Now you church people know why I never mind you asking me to do stuff on weekday nights. Ah well, life of an undesirable NSman. Heh, end up being an old guy playing gb -.-...
Wanna watch 'The Incredibles', need some light entertainment tt's sorely lacking in my life. Anyone care to watch it with me? Should be free... If i'm lucky.. sigh...
This post kinda lame, will post in future when i HAVE something to post abt.
BTW, Happy B'day Hern Ping, noe u'll never read this, I don't know why i bother, but end of day u still my cousin yeah? Pray to God you'll find ur proper path someday (hopefully soon). Pray that He will take care of you, especially that weak knee of urs, and tt God will provide. Finally 19 yeah... All the best, God bless...
Sunday, November 21, 2004
Basketball
Heh, I'd nearly forgotten how much I like to play basketball, true I'm not a fantastic player like my cousin, or have oodles of talent like several of my church friends, or even a decade of experience, another church friend. But, I really like the sport cos sometimes the goal is so easy to achieve yet so difficult... And everything depends on teamwork most of the time. To me teamwok isn't always about being able to use every player all the time, but more of... the right tool for the right job. Haha, getting things done is fun :), can either, use fake, pass, dribble, force or tactics, or all of them together haha... Love it best when you know your friends so well, you know what to do and expect when I play with or against them.
Hope I can get another chance to play this much bball again in the near future. 6hrs on sat and 3 hrs today :) can't stop smiling
Hope I can get another chance to play this much bball again in the near future. 6hrs on sat and 3 hrs today :) can't stop smiling
Wednesday, November 17, 2004
University
Sadly, for the past two days, my email and collegeboard account have been inaccesible... It's a real pain in the neck as i'm trying to apply to a few universities... For those who don't know what collegeboard.org is, it's a website where (if u apply) they keep an electronic record of your SAT I and II scores. I can't even show the universities that i've taken my SAT. With my email down i am also unable to send them queries of any kind... Right now i'm seriously pissed... Really need those two accounts. Haiz, anyone have idea of how to circumvent or at least know what's going on?
Friday, November 12, 2004
Welcome to my life
Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright
You don't know what it's like to be like me
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
When no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With the big fake smiles and stupid lies
But deep inside you're bleeding
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright
You don't know what it's like to be like me
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
When no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
No one ever lies straight to your face
And no one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy
But I'm not gonna be ok
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
You never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like
What it's like
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
When no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
When no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
By Simple Plan
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright
You don't know what it's like to be like me
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
When no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With the big fake smiles and stupid lies
But deep inside you're bleeding
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright
You don't know what it's like to be like me
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
When no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
No one ever lies straight to your face
And no one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy
But I'm not gonna be ok
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
You never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like
What it's like
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
When no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
When no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
By Simple Plan
Tuesday, November 09, 2004
Funeral
Heh, there was crying... a lot of crying... me being no exception to tt... I'm just happy my Grandma lived as a Christian and died with a smile on her face. Haiz, anyway, I should be back in s'pore on Sunday midnight..., that's the latest news i have. So... to yt: Sry i can't go church yah..., can't make it. Another week lah...
To the rest: I dun even know who comes here... regular basis or not... yeah... so this might be a lil redundant... Anyway, i've dried my tears, and geared myself for tmr..., for the church service and interring... Oh well... *sigh*
To the rest: I dun even know who comes here... regular basis or not... yeah... so this might be a lil redundant... Anyway, i've dried my tears, and geared myself for tmr..., for the church service and interring... Oh well... *sigh*
Friday, November 05, 2004
Update
So far, my flight has been postponed to tuesday due to complications... Haiz... whatever, i wonder howi'll plan my wkened... want to be with friends...
Thursday, November 04, 2004
Pray By S.L.J
Pray for the one(s) who have been lost,
By Fire, Water, Earth or Wind,
Bond together kith and kin,
Pray for those who have moved on,
By Nature, Illness, Accident or Murder,
Bless them, a service render.
Pray for those who have passed Away,
Of Old Age, Heroism, Selflessness or Duty,
May God have mercy on them.
Pray for those who are the victims,
Of Terrorism, War, Hate or Cruelty,
Victims indeed of this reality.
Pray for everyone everywhere everytime,
For the neighbours, countrymen, friends and
strangers,
For the Man on the street, the boy at the corner,
the girl you dislike.
For the people you see on the television, the
actors, criminals, samaritans and foreigners
For the leaders of nations, countries,
communities, and bands.
Pray for your loved ones,
Love them always.
(In memory of Grandma Chia, my maternal
Grandmother who passed away today the 4th of
november 2004 at the age of 90, may God take
her and embrace her in His arms, as she
accepted Christ 20 years ago, was baptised and
lived as the most Christ-like person I have ever
known, Lord, your servant has gone to you, please
help those she left behind. I love her. In Jesus
name I pray. Amen.)
Haha, i finally cried...
By Fire, Water, Earth or Wind,
Bond together kith and kin,
Pray for those who have moved on,
By Nature, Illness, Accident or Murder,
Bless them, a service render.
Pray for those who have passed Away,
Of Old Age, Heroism, Selflessness or Duty,
May God have mercy on them.
Pray for those who are the victims,
Of Terrorism, War, Hate or Cruelty,
Victims indeed of this reality.
Pray for everyone everywhere everytime,
For the neighbours, countrymen, friends and
strangers,
For the Man on the street, the boy at the corner,
the girl you dislike.
For the people you see on the television, the
actors, criminals, samaritans and foreigners
For the leaders of nations, countries,
communities, and bands.
Pray for your loved ones,
Love them always.
(In memory of Grandma Chia, my maternal
Grandmother who passed away today the 4th of
november 2004 at the age of 90, may God take
her and embrace her in His arms, as she
accepted Christ 20 years ago, was baptised and
lived as the most Christ-like person I have ever
known, Lord, your servant has gone to you, please
help those she left behind. I love her. In Jesus
name I pray. Amen.)
Haha, i finally cried...
Wednesday, November 03, 2004
I hate this.
Haiz. It never jus rains, it pours...In Vancouver, My Grandma died today. I'll be flying off on saturday to... I dunno, do everything I can. Although i seldom saw her, I loved her, a lot... She was the focal point of the maternal side of my family. For 60 years, she single handedly held the family together. When she moved to Vancouver, almost the whole Chia family moved there with her. Her strength of will, and determination to survive all the hardships I'd heard about. Especially when her husband, my grandpa, died abt 40 years ago. I hate this. I mean..., crap, one after another, the world just wants to see me thrown down, be hurt again and again... In a time of need I am always there, to help my sis, who's crying right now, to go to Vancouver, to soothe my Mom, who already left this morning. Inside, i feel like crying.. but the tears san't come... why?... Is it because i'm an unfeeling bastard? Is it because I believe I need to be strong for those who need me?... I so badly want to jus curl up into a ball and fall into a hole in my mind, where i'd either achieve stoicism or heck care anything and everything.
I'm leaving on saturday. If the mlitary won't give me leave, then i'll awol simple as tt. I really need a punching bag to hit right now... Or someone to talk to. Since the latter is the more difficult of the two to find..., guess i'll settle for the wall.. Knn
I'm leaving on saturday. If the mlitary won't give me leave, then i'll awol simple as tt. I really need a punching bag to hit right now... Or someone to talk to. Since the latter is the more difficult of the two to find..., guess i'll settle for the wall.. Knn
Friday, October 29, 2004
Questions by S.L.J
When it comes, it comes,
What will be, will be.
How do you do what you do?
Why do we work so hard,
Only to get more work?
Why do I dream?
Why do I feel?
Why do I hope,expect, desire?
When I know, I'll only be
Disappointed?
An Answer,
Thus is to live.
My Answer.
What will be, will be.
How do you do what you do?
Why do we work so hard,
Only to get more work?
Why do I dream?
Why do I feel?
Why do I hope,expect, desire?
When I know, I'll only be
Disappointed?
An Answer,
Thus is to live.
My Answer.
Sunday, October 24, 2004
Weekend
I noe it ain't exactly the most well thought out title, but, whatever yeah? Hmm, had this saying thrown into my face repetitively over the past few days... Quis custodiet ipsos cutodes... basically means, 'Who will guard the guards?'...(or if u're picky for a literal translation, who has custody of the custodian, doesn't sound right does it?) Anyway, the phrase got me thinking... Who will guard the guards, doctor to the doctors, or in my case, care for the care giver?...
I mean I like to help others when they're in need, talk t them to cheer them up when they're depressed. but when i'm depressed, normally theonly person to sit down with me and talk things over, getting things sorted out is... well... me. Not to demean the many peple in my life who i do share my troubles with... It's jus tt, i find myself consoling myself... A bit too often. It's almost like, i have to solve almost every problem i find by myself. Every emotional setback i suffer, i suffer alone cos i have to show a strong front to people. And recently, i'm jus really tired all the time. Even when i rest a lot, i jus, don't have it in me to be driven to do anything recently. I do my job in camp, i help those who need help. Then there's nothing left for me. There's also no one there for me. Sorry if i sound like i'm whining, and i prolly am,..., can't think clearly anymore, jus really tired. I'll blog again another day... hope i have a better rein on my emotions soon, they've been running amok for some time. Adios amigos...
I mean I like to help others when they're in need, talk t them to cheer them up when they're depressed. but when i'm depressed, normally theonly person to sit down with me and talk things over, getting things sorted out is... well... me. Not to demean the many peple in my life who i do share my troubles with... It's jus tt, i find myself consoling myself... A bit too often. It's almost like, i have to solve almost every problem i find by myself. Every emotional setback i suffer, i suffer alone cos i have to show a strong front to people. And recently, i'm jus really tired all the time. Even when i rest a lot, i jus, don't have it in me to be driven to do anything recently. I do my job in camp, i help those who need help. Then there's nothing left for me. There's also no one there for me. Sorry if i sound like i'm whining, and i prolly am,..., can't think clearly anymore, jus really tired. I'll blog again another day... hope i have a better rein on my emotions soon, they've been running amok for some time. Adios amigos...
Thursday, October 21, 2004
fixed it
finally fixed my blog, when i tweaked it a few days ago, left a line of code out..., and it couldn't update from my dashboard...., took me a feverish hr, but managed to fix it.. gonna sleep now..., starting to hate computers... but ifi didn't come on i'd miss talking to all my friends... many great ppl, like jamie,khaymar, aunt... vonnezzz, and pris..., also joel, ian etc etc... only reason i come online is to chat with them..., if not i'd prolly become a hermit..., adios then, signing off
Wednesday, October 20, 2004
The great the amazing...
exploding skull, comes in many great colors, gray matter, blood red splashes and anatomically correct result of an explsion originating from within the skull...
Haiz..., i wish the weekend was here already... Not that i ever really do anything... or have an opportunity to go out and mix with new people... I jus miss having time to relax, play basketball... Just so tired all the time now... Non-stop work in camp, and then out of camp, i think abt my work in camp. Plus the new strain of looking for universities and applying to them, and also thinking of how i can help my church, or at least my church friends... Haiz, i know i know, all these pressures can be reduced, but... I feel the need to do my work right and well, to please my parents, and to help others who need my help... Jus so tired.. sometimes i wish i wasn't so nice all the time... sad thot isn't it?...
Anyway, enuff babbling, gonna go and read then sleep now..., God bless all NS men... We need it...
Haiz..., i wish the weekend was here already... Not that i ever really do anything... or have an opportunity to go out and mix with new people... I jus miss having time to relax, play basketball... Just so tired all the time now... Non-stop work in camp, and then out of camp, i think abt my work in camp. Plus the new strain of looking for universities and applying to them, and also thinking of how i can help my church, or at least my church friends... Haiz, i know i know, all these pressures can be reduced, but... I feel the need to do my work right and well, to please my parents, and to help others who need my help... Jus so tired.. sometimes i wish i wasn't so nice all the time... sad thot isn't it?...
Anyway, enuff babbling, gonna go and read then sleep now..., God bless all NS men... We need it...
Friday, October 15, 2004
AHM award
Hmm I got the second prize in the Army Half Marathon donation draw... So i have a sony clie and loads of ideas with what to do with... haha... hmm the week ended off well, after outlasting my commanding officers..., had a day where i was essentially alone in the office with my owwn time to do what i needed to do, and best part was that there were no officers to add to my workload... hmm my MSN is done and hotmail seems to be down as well..., i gues i'll go play my playstation tonight then...
Thursday, October 14, 2004
Busy busy busy
Ha... Been busy... Good exercise for a clerk... So many things to do, and so little time, had to do a lot of stuff on the run... Literally... Haha, but I managed to outlast almost all of my officers... They also couldn't quite keep up with the hectic pace... 3/4 of them all reported sick and obtained MC today... with 2 of the 4 left taking Leave... Haha... So today wasn't as hectic... No one to chase me...
In other news... Read the Newpaper yesterday... Average age of people in S'pore losing their virginity is 19..., and average is doing it 4 times a week... And there I was thinking... 'The papers are calling things low end? Where does that put me?... Technically, at the ultra low end' lol, oh well, doesn't matter, like Robert Langdon says, ' I'm married to my music, academics and sitting back with a good book in hand'
I'm currently waiting from a call i'm not sure is coming. Jasper... lava lamp... for sis... need... before... she... gets suspicious... haiz..., Tomorrow is sure to be a hectic day... Another day single, alone and too )*^% busy to actually care :P bb for now
In other news... Read the Newpaper yesterday... Average age of people in S'pore losing their virginity is 19..., and average is doing it 4 times a week... And there I was thinking... 'The papers are calling things low end? Where does that put me?... Technically, at the ultra low end' lol, oh well, doesn't matter, like Robert Langdon says, ' I'm married to my music, academics and sitting back with a good book in hand'
I'm currently waiting from a call i'm not sure is coming. Jasper... lava lamp... for sis... need... before... she... gets suspicious... haiz..., Tomorrow is sure to be a hectic day... Another day single, alone and too )*^% busy to actually care :P bb for now
Sunday, October 10, 2004
Tetra elemental
Hmm, I've used so many aspects of myself these few days I'm kinda wondering, where my life will lead.On friday I was doin clerical work in camp, then in the evening went to give some church people tuition, cos of their upcoming exams, i teach everything... On saturday used my skill with computers to fix church worship problems(dun ask). Then I checked and fixed certain parts of my car engine last night too...(mechanic wksp from OETI came in handy) Then this morning, played guitar for the worship session, after which I helped my overburdened friend with group leading(i used to be a cell group leader) Then went to play basketball with my friends... So in 3 days i was clerk, teacher, computer technician, mechanic, musician, cell group leader, and jus plain having fun... Wonderful..., now if only i can figure out a high paying job that requires someone who can do all that... *thinks....*thinks somemore... *strains what braincells available.... nope nada, zip zero nil, kosong... No job whatsoever... Very fun train of thot... Shall now apply to several universities with this thot in mind.. thank you world...
Friday, October 08, 2004
Superfragilistic Defenstrative powers of recuperation.
BTW, the title doesn't mean anything... Hmm, I don't how, I don't know why, yesterday was a such a poke in the eye... lol, jus kidding, i'm feeling better not so sick not so tired... Jus wanna chase after Jasper for my Sis' present...It's on the 13th of October and I have no backup present.*to show the disorganisation of my mind, side note to matt: no i was not refering to you in my last post.. jus some irritant in camp* Anyway, I'm currently, typing in my blog and chatting with.. oh 5 ppl at the same time. I call it honing my typing ability... Since I'm gonna be a clerk in GLS... This is rather good practise... really it is... Hmm, I've decided to jus *insert-vulgarword-here* it and buy a new com, with what pay i've earned before NS and during NS... Should be enough to get a good one, that i can fill to the brim with firewalls and anti-virus software and a really good defragger, so that everything will run smoothly... for once...
I will say it once and for all for every male fren of mine who reads my blog and will ask them to stop asking my this irritable question... NO! I DO NOT HAVE A GF, DO NOT PLAN TO GET ONE, NOT NOW,NOT FOR THE NEXT YR OR SO,AND NO I AM NOT GAY AS A CONSEQUENCE OF THIS ACTION! Please lah, jus cos i got a car, can play multiple instruments, and am a nice guy doesn't mean i die die must have a gaggle of girlfriends hidden somewhere... Is not that I un want to intro them to u, is that they are NON-EXISTENTIAL comprende compadres? If u no understand engrish then come to me and i will repeat to u the phrase in malay, mandarin, hokkien(with vulgarities added, or not), even in sign language. And if i can get my fren to teach me, i'll say it in tamil even ...
*deep breath* ok tt's all for now... No animals, soft toys or punching bags were injured in the making of this blog...(thot the keybord is a little bruised)
I will say it once and for all for every male fren of mine who reads my blog and will ask them to stop asking my this irritable question... NO! I DO NOT HAVE A GF, DO NOT PLAN TO GET ONE, NOT NOW,NOT FOR THE NEXT YR OR SO,AND NO I AM NOT GAY AS A CONSEQUENCE OF THIS ACTION! Please lah, jus cos i got a car, can play multiple instruments, and am a nice guy doesn't mean i die die must have a gaggle of girlfriends hidden somewhere... Is not that I un want to intro them to u, is that they are NON-EXISTENTIAL comprende compadres? If u no understand engrish then come to me and i will repeat to u the phrase in malay, mandarin, hokkien(with vulgarities added, or not), even in sign language. And if i can get my fren to teach me, i'll say it in tamil even ...
*deep breath* ok tt's all for now... No animals, soft toys or punching bags were injured in the making of this blog...(thot the keybord is a little bruised)
Tuesday, October 05, 2004
Busy....
Hmmm, haven't been posting much recently... Having problems with my com..., with my work..., with my blog... and simply too busy/tired, and couldn't be bothered to update... hmm haha, at the behest of my 'aunt', here's the latest update.
My com is fried, I've ended up doin the work of 4 people (again), I'm falling sick, I am about to chase and tio gan jasper for delaying the present i wanted to give my sis(ordered thro him but he hasn't shown up with the goods yet and time is runnning out), the only things constant in my life right now, is the mountain of work i know awaiting for me tmr, and my inability to improve my guitar skills.
Haha I don't understand the SAF sometimes. Shan't elaborate here tho, had evidence that this page is being watched by pro-PAP loyalists... Anything said in this blog will and has been used against me.. :p
Well that's about all for now..., promise myself to fix the blog... someday.. when i can be bothered, and when i have the time(unlikely to be soon)
My com is fried, I've ended up doin the work of 4 people (again), I'm falling sick, I am about to chase and tio gan jasper for delaying the present i wanted to give my sis(ordered thro him but he hasn't shown up with the goods yet and time is runnning out), the only things constant in my life right now, is the mountain of work i know awaiting for me tmr, and my inability to improve my guitar skills.
Haha I don't understand the SAF sometimes. Shan't elaborate here tho, had evidence that this page is being watched by pro-PAP loyalists... Anything said in this blog will and has been used against me.. :p
Well that's about all for now..., promise myself to fix the blog... someday.. when i can be bothered, and when i have the time(unlikely to be soon)
Sunday, September 26, 2004
Sunday
Today another rather hectic day.... Well past few days nothing much to say..., it's been rather normal... Kenah pangseh by girl, gave tuition, been working... etc etc, nothing really much... Haha, jus realised haven't really goteen over I-shan, today's topic of BGR in church was a little painful... so i jus kept quiet... Ah another day in the life of a single, bury, Ns man... or is it boy?...
Friday, September 17, 2004
Run run as fast as u can't.... Not the gingerbreadman...
Haha, if the past few days of my new posting are representative of actually working life it's no wonder my parents like to veg out in front of the tube every night, and my Dad at 50+ years of age can still run finish the army half-marathon... You have to be really fit jus to keep up man... It's not the difficulty of work man.. it's the sheer quantity, like how ice is easy to thaw... but try taking on an iceberg... sheesh... Joke of the week, "Rest? What's that?", "It's similiar to that thing u do when u're dead." Art Macabre anyone? On a slightly more serious note... I'm either 1.) becoming more adept at the art of chao keng
2.) Getting more used to the work load
3.) Getting more fit as i train everything, and handle everything
(well i did say slightly)
cos i'm getting less and less tired at the end of each day... I slept at 8pm on tues(was like a concussive blow to the head, out like a light and without a choice) 9.30 on wednesday, 11.00 on thursday... Today is friday...
Hmm wonder what the walk and jog will be like tmr..., Pes C9L2... Definitely will walk... wanna slack
ok so... that's all folks.. the updating of my life, and explaination for y i haven't been blogging the past few days.. needed to be awake to do so.. yupz...
2.) Getting more used to the work load
3.) Getting more fit as i train everything, and handle everything
(well i did say slightly)
cos i'm getting less and less tired at the end of each day... I slept at 8pm on tues(was like a concussive blow to the head, out like a light and without a choice) 9.30 on wednesday, 11.00 on thursday... Today is friday...
Hmm wonder what the walk and jog will be like tmr..., Pes C9L2... Definitely will walk... wanna slack
ok so... that's all folks.. the updating of my life, and explaination for y i haven't been blogging the past few days.. needed to be awake to do so.. yupz...
Sunday, September 12, 2004
Creationists vs evolutionists
Hmm well debated with a friend of mine over this for a little the other day. I jus want to say first that i'm in neither camp, and that makes me worse than either haha... Anyway, the debate mostly revolved around the possibilities and numbers supporting/rejecting either theory. For example, my friend expounded that in a cellulite cell there's basically a 1055 long protein chain, the chances for evolution to occur, would require 1 out of 1055^(no. of proteins), which would mean 1 out of 1055^20. This works out to 1 out of 3.9 x 10^1372. So he concluded that there MUST have been something to push those odd in our favour, thus he believes in creationism.
I played devil's advocate and supported evolutionism. I pointed out that the world DID take several billions years to create life and also that those possibilities likely didn't only comne about at one place on earth(i.e multiple places for testing.) Also by theory of evolution, the fittest survive, so it'd be less a case of random probability and more a case of natural selection(i.e best out of twenty to connect to existing strand will survive, rest die.) So with these evolution theories, life came about in (time taken for connection) x 20 x (lifespan of protein) / (number of tests), or after more conjecture ( 1 year x 20 x 1 year / 100) essentially it'd take less than a year for each cell to form, and many more years for them to bunch together...
But he likened, time taken for proteins to connect, to seeing a cube of sugar formed in saturated water... Haha, after which i compared coral formations and how they work in similiar ways where crystals are attracted to a 'seed' in a saturated solution and actually CAN form a cube, after enough trials..., so we added an X unknown to the equation. which i showed unless X = infinity, it would most likely take a Billion Years for life to form, which is he same prediction made by Derrick Moore.
Well, basically, we both used analogies and math calculation and theories and formulae and ended with the same answer... A headache each haha, and we didn't even drink alcohol.. ah well...
Vulgarities today: 2(need... to... decrease...)
Smses: 0
Calls: 2 one to tell me he'd be late, another from another one to pang seh me.. sigh..
Last known and recognised date: Ancient history( at least more than 3 months. ah well... feel like swearing off girls... i have all the girls i can handle... from giving tuition)
I played devil's advocate and supported evolutionism. I pointed out that the world DID take several billions years to create life and also that those possibilities likely didn't only comne about at one place on earth(i.e multiple places for testing.) Also by theory of evolution, the fittest survive, so it'd be less a case of random probability and more a case of natural selection(i.e best out of twenty to connect to existing strand will survive, rest die.) So with these evolution theories, life came about in (time taken for connection) x 20 x (lifespan of protein) / (number of tests), or after more conjecture ( 1 year x 20 x 1 year / 100) essentially it'd take less than a year for each cell to form, and many more years for them to bunch together...
But he likened, time taken for proteins to connect, to seeing a cube of sugar formed in saturated water... Haha, after which i compared coral formations and how they work in similiar ways where crystals are attracted to a 'seed' in a saturated solution and actually CAN form a cube, after enough trials..., so we added an X unknown to the equation. which i showed unless X = infinity, it would most likely take a Billion Years for life to form, which is he same prediction made by Derrick Moore.
Well, basically, we both used analogies and math calculation and theories and formulae and ended with the same answer... A headache each haha, and we didn't even drink alcohol.. ah well...
Vulgarities today: 2(need... to... decrease...)
Smses: 0
Calls: 2 one to tell me he'd be late, another from another one to pang seh me.. sigh..
Last known and recognised date: Ancient history( at least more than 3 months. ah well... feel like swearing off girls... i have all the girls i can handle... from giving tuition)
Friday, September 03, 2004
SAFTI
Things i should not forget about today.
1.) EMMIS, should not forget,but already forgotton, sian...
2.) In urban warfare, Armour technicians can triumph over Armour infantry... U'd have figured that people who handle guns everyday would know how to use them well...
3.) Singapore has some cool guns, but doesn't bother to get them for anyone, cos they have bugs in them.(tho no one seems to realise SAR21 and the M16 have bugs in them as well, one keeps getting jammed and the other is so low-tech, other weapons have advantage of range...)
4.) SAF is so typical of Singapore, when they want things done, they get it done fast and efficiently, but when ppl need them to do something, they are slow laggard and completely incompetent
5.) I have the amazing ability to be sick whenever i need to be well
6.) Promises are realy hard to keep..
Vulgarities: 3 (This is becoming a problem)
Smses: 6 (of which all i initiated)
calls: 0 (which is realy typical of oh... everyday)
Cheerio SAF, thx for nothing...
1.) EMMIS, should not forget,but already forgotton, sian...
2.) In urban warfare, Armour technicians can triumph over Armour infantry... U'd have figured that people who handle guns everyday would know how to use them well...
3.) Singapore has some cool guns, but doesn't bother to get them for anyone, cos they have bugs in them.(tho no one seems to realise SAR21 and the M16 have bugs in them as well, one keeps getting jammed and the other is so low-tech, other weapons have advantage of range...)
4.) SAF is so typical of Singapore, when they want things done, they get it done fast and efficiently, but when ppl need them to do something, they are slow laggard and completely incompetent
5.) I have the amazing ability to be sick whenever i need to be well
6.) Promises are realy hard to keep..
Vulgarities: 3 (This is becoming a problem)
Smses: 6 (of which all i initiated)
calls: 0 (which is realy typical of oh... everyday)
Cheerio SAF, thx for nothing...
Wednesday, September 01, 2004
31st August
I'm home, after another guard duty... Haiz... tired i am, and having a tank test tmr i am... Well at least the today's test was relatively easy... Rather straight forward questions, so i jus used my special gift again... Just for the fun of it haha... (btw my special gift is the ability to measure bolt sizes via eyeballing, means jus looking, dun even need to test... well it works MOST of the time tt is :P)Hmm, i'm currently thinking about 4 very different things:
1) How to improve my guitar playing quickly
2) How to make use, of my recent exposure to God's love, in my life(please if u are interested in what happened to me, ask me, it will change my life, and hopefully when i'm done yours as well)
3) Start planning for university, but where to start?
4) Need to exercise/play basketball... But other than thro running which will prolly end up with me injuring my legs again.. how?
So yeah... Although i still have no gf... I'm really too busy to have one anyway.. *so one of my platoon mates says.... sian*
In other news, my committment to God starting from last Sunday, 29th August, is to stop using vulgarities... I will still swear, but by using words like 'fish', 'shoot', 'chicken'... And currently... Well not so successful... managed to reduce it from countless vulgarities a day, to 5 on Monday, 3 on Tuesday, and 2 today... Not good enough I know... But will continue to do my best haha...
Fun Phrase for the day for the day, "Definitive unbiased administrative defenestration of the inconsequential superlatives of arachnophobia" Try to figure tt one out haha tata
1) How to improve my guitar playing quickly
2) How to make use, of my recent exposure to God's love, in my life(please if u are interested in what happened to me, ask me, it will change my life, and hopefully when i'm done yours as well)
3) Start planning for university, but where to start?
4) Need to exercise/play basketball... But other than thro running which will prolly end up with me injuring my legs again.. how?
So yeah... Although i still have no gf... I'm really too busy to have one anyway.. *so one of my platoon mates says.... sian*
In other news, my committment to God starting from last Sunday, 29th August, is to stop using vulgarities... I will still swear, but by using words like 'fish', 'shoot', 'chicken'... And currently... Well not so successful... managed to reduce it from countless vulgarities a day, to 5 on Monday, 3 on Tuesday, and 2 today... Not good enough I know... But will continue to do my best haha...
Fun Phrase for the day for the day, "Definitive unbiased administrative defenestration of the inconsequential superlatives of arachnophobia" Try to figure tt one out haha tata
Thursday, August 26, 2004
Irritated
I can't BELIEVE my Dad... I mean, he went and ordered 600 sticks of satay, and i'm like WTH?... Then goes and makes me as an excuse for getting a new car he likes, foisting his old car on me... I'd rather have no car than have his car, sure it's new flashy and powerful, but it's like driving a truck after practising for months on a normal car... Not only that, i'm so scared i can't judge it's width properly and end up hitting something... Argh... Haiz... Nvm... IN other news i applied to MDC(the SAF music and drama company) they haven't replied me, and i'm not really keeping my hopes up... Plus my training is almost up, i'm most likely to end up in a stay-in unit, which means, almost zilch socialising from then on... It'll jus be me, my guitar and some screaming seargeants*(*or put some other higher rank here) in my face all the time... (unless the seargeant is gay, then all solicitous socialising would be = me running away real quickly lots). Hmm, friday = put back M113 together day..., and saturday is road marshall day... I hope/pray to God that my application to MDC will at least be replied to, then i'd understand tt it was either my fault, or my chance... Not be left hanging like i am now...
Sunday, August 22, 2004
Finally
i'm home... after, two guard duty in three days... I'm so tired i could jus collapse on the floor right here... I'm currently looking for a way to stay awake so i can collapse in bed tonight, and wake up feeling ok tmr... I've also decided i want to try put for MDC( the SAF music and drama company) so if anyone has any idea how to contact them, pls tell me... thx..
Friday, August 13, 2004
End of day
W/o the S haha... Yup, i passed my TPPT, tester was kind overly enthusiastic abt it... He calculated 8 pts, then jus handed me the thing... W/o even discussing what i did wrong... Cool sia... My licence should be mine in two weeks time... Should make a cool present haha... In other news... I take 1 day leave, but have to do RT... So i'll be in camp for the whole Saturday... Oh well... At least i spent the day usefully...
Thursday, August 12, 2004
TPPT
Driving test is today... Hoping for the best, preparing for the worst, and jus boh chup the rest haha... ETA of results, 3 hrs and decreasing...
Tuesday, August 10, 2004
First day back in camp...
Haiz, before i even left for camp today i already felt tired... sian... 3 wishes that are mediocre yet hope to have....
1.) To have a nice long chat with Aunt haha, she's busy and i dun have anything to actually say to her..., but talking to her seems to make me feel better... and i have no idea y lol...
2.) To actually meet up with Jamie... or even Khaymar, lol, had fun chatting with them online, wonder if they're as personable face to face, though they ARE rather young... I'd like to know them better...(as friends, dun think so far u sickos out there!)
3.) To get more invitations by friends to play bball, or for me to get the motivation to start a jamming band.. jus for the heck of it... i mean i have the equipment, and the knowledge of ppl who might be interested... jus too lazy to get off my fat butt... Partly cos the equipment ain't strictly mine i guess... plus time constraints...
Oh well there they are, the whims of a guy who ain't abt to get what he wants.. lol at least not for a long time to come...
1.) To have a nice long chat with Aunt haha, she's busy and i dun have anything to actually say to her..., but talking to her seems to make me feel better... and i have no idea y lol...
2.) To actually meet up with Jamie... or even Khaymar, lol, had fun chatting with them online, wonder if they're as personable face to face, though they ARE rather young... I'd like to know them better...(as friends, dun think so far u sickos out there!)
3.) To get more invitations by friends to play bball, or for me to get the motivation to start a jamming band.. jus for the heck of it... i mean i have the equipment, and the knowledge of ppl who might be interested... jus too lazy to get off my fat butt... Partly cos the equipment ain't strictly mine i guess... plus time constraints...
Oh well there they are, the whims of a guy who ain't abt to get what he wants.. lol at least not for a long time to come...
Sunday, August 08, 2004
Hmm
I believe i have shown my point sufficient;y with the posting below... only one person... sigh oh well... tomake matters worse, this stupid blog is damn difficult to get into.. some problem with the website i think... Hmm well at least i had fun the past few days... What jamming with the worship team, goin out for a worshp meeting on saturday, then spending the whole day on sunday with church friends... Was kinda fun... Tho i still miss playing bball... Still was a rather enjoyable two days :) I didn't get first or second in the CO evening competition and tt still stings... Haiz oh well.. life goes on... My long week end is ending... and sadly, I still haven't gone out with any of my good/best friends...
Saturday, August 07, 2004
OK stupid...
The blog page is weird... Had to try numerous times jus to gain access to my own blog... Anyway the reason y i haven't been blogging all tt consistently recently is due to one rather disturbing acknowledgement... There's really no point... I mean, the reason I put up a blog was so that i'd have a place to vent, maybe talk to friends about how i should solve some problems, and maybe even discuss how life is... But all that's been happening so far is the growing evidence that only one max three people remember this age even exists... Anyway end of story is, i had a rather fun day today... Really like music haha... If no one goes out with me tmr... Well, i'd take it as expected and frankly, the only thing i have in mind for tmr is song creating session all by my lonesome... Sounds rather introverted/anti-social to you? Well I honestly did try to find something to do on National day eve... Just that no one seems free or willing to go out with me... Oh well, at least i still have my music... And friends who are willing to talk to me online, if they do ignore me in real life...
Thursday, August 05, 2004
Tired
That's about sums up what i feel over the past week... what with the SM1 tank exam, the performance tmr, the multiple identities as I/C in different aspects, the getting slapped with an extra guard duty that wasn't even my fault...And to top things off... Seems like there's a lot of stuff goin on this saturday for my church worship team... this has honestly been a really tiring week... The only good that has come out of this week is the fact that i passed the exam easily... Though many others failed.... Though i was too busy praying for a pass so i'd have less work to actually be proud of it. My brain hurts, my fingers hurt, my arm hurts, snd even my blinking leg hurts... Cos of a cut wound from rushing around like a chicken with it's head cut off... Haiz, anyway gonna rest and try to recuperate or jus use my usual method of willpower to sustain myself again... Done tt very often anyway... Only reason y i can pass my 2.4... Focus till ignore the pain/fatigue...
Monday, August 02, 2004
August....
It's august... Hmm, almost strange that I don't feel any different. It's always been a month of mixed blessings, with Hungry Ghost Festival, National Day, Teacher's Day coming up... I've been informed i might have to do guard duty on National Day or on the saturday two weeks after that... Oh well... Not like i have a GF to go out with or anything... I don't even go out with most of my friends anymore... Maybe is better this way... Might help to be self-sufficient in a world such as this...
Saturday, July 31, 2004
The long Weekend
Didn't seem that long today... At least I managed to be really happy for once in a long long while... Went to play bball, then met u with friends, then after all that went to Sonic Fest... Cool christian festival... Had Rock and Pop groups playing chistian music. Had loads of fun... Hope i can do something like this again... In the near future...
Friday, July 30, 2004
Long Week End
Hm, an unexpected benefit of being altruistic... I went to donate blood in camp today... My first time, but felt I had to go, jus cos i could, and cos lots of ppl couldn't and even more who needed it... Anyway, cos of this i don't have to go in to work tmr... Not bad all considering...
Wednesday, July 28, 2004
Monday, July 26, 2004
Hmm...
After looking in on other people's blogs, i've decided that i'm gonna start keeping my blog short and sweet haha... Maybe i've been revealing too much of my thoughts online.. hmm, i'll try to keep my blogging to a daily basis tho... :), today was a tiring day... In both a literal and physcal sense haha...
Sunday, July 25, 2004
Sunday
sighz... Did i expect to feel needed and wanted this weekend? Many sad things this week. Hmm oh well, saddest things in order of saddest to not so sad are: 1.) Aunt been keeping less and less contact, i know she's busy and i dun blame... Jus tt i've seen this pattern b4 with another fren Nicholas... Who i now dunno where he is currrently living and basically nothing about his life now, and tok to him once a year... On icq... cool yeah?
2.) Haven't heard from Hansel, and to be expected, he's a great best friend, but the two of us have an uncanny knack of scheduling in opposite directions, he's always free when i'm not and vice versa.
3.) After sleeping a ridiculously long 10 hrs, i can still feel tired, i guess it's true one day of rest can't make up for three days lack-of-rest...
4.) I need music, to make it, mould it and add lyrics to it... But i'm finding it hard to do them together... I can make poetry but not make a tune that fits it... Also the people in my band in camp are getting bored... They don't feel the same way i do about music... And it's making me feel.. Well useless... I can play everything but i can't do everything myself... I admit i'm not a good leader... Hope i can be inspired to become one or at least have a leader step in to help...
Ok now to be fair... the good things... in a similiar order:
1.) Managed to earn some respect from the instructor... I can't remember what i did exactly, jus that over the past week he's been getting me to do stuff like make sure people aren't late etc, mostly leadership-like roles... And the way he puts this doesn't sound like he trying to sabo me... hmm oh well...
2.) Hmm started keeping in contact with a classmate i hadn't talked to in quite a while... Dun imagine it'll amount to much, but any friend is better than non i guess...
3.) Finally got my coveralls from camp... Now i won't look so much like a sore thumb wearing vest and slacks while everyone else is wearing coveralls...
Now if u compare the good verus the bad... I'm not sure if agree with me, but with CO evening coming up soon, things are jus plain bad to me... I'm tired, restless, have only other NS guys to talk to, miss music and basketball, and jus want to plain give up on everything and go become like the rest of the NS guys. Mindless drones that talk only exclusively of the Army, have no social life outside of the army, only jokes they know are crude ones, and have the intellectual vision of a frog in a well... Haiz, I think i'll opt for option three... which is tire myself out everyday with physical activities and making songs that i don't have to think so much on the futility of my asinine lifestyle due to the organisational abilities of the SAF, where i, Serve And Fuck-off.
2.) Haven't heard from Hansel, and to be expected, he's a great best friend, but the two of us have an uncanny knack of scheduling in opposite directions, he's always free when i'm not and vice versa.
3.) After sleeping a ridiculously long 10 hrs, i can still feel tired, i guess it's true one day of rest can't make up for three days lack-of-rest...
4.) I need music, to make it, mould it and add lyrics to it... But i'm finding it hard to do them together... I can make poetry but not make a tune that fits it... Also the people in my band in camp are getting bored... They don't feel the same way i do about music... And it's making me feel.. Well useless... I can play everything but i can't do everything myself... I admit i'm not a good leader... Hope i can be inspired to become one or at least have a leader step in to help...
Ok now to be fair... the good things... in a similiar order:
1.) Managed to earn some respect from the instructor... I can't remember what i did exactly, jus that over the past week he's been getting me to do stuff like make sure people aren't late etc, mostly leadership-like roles... And the way he puts this doesn't sound like he trying to sabo me... hmm oh well...
2.) Hmm started keeping in contact with a classmate i hadn't talked to in quite a while... Dun imagine it'll amount to much, but any friend is better than non i guess...
3.) Finally got my coveralls from camp... Now i won't look so much like a sore thumb wearing vest and slacks while everyone else is wearing coveralls...
Now if u compare the good verus the bad... I'm not sure if agree with me, but with CO evening coming up soon, things are jus plain bad to me... I'm tired, restless, have only other NS guys to talk to, miss music and basketball, and jus want to plain give up on everything and go become like the rest of the NS guys. Mindless drones that talk only exclusively of the Army, have no social life outside of the army, only jokes they know are crude ones, and have the intellectual vision of a frog in a well... Haiz, I think i'll opt for option three... which is tire myself out everyday with physical activities and making songs that i don't have to think so much on the futility of my asinine lifestyle due to the organisational abilities of the SAF, where i, Serve And Fuck-off.
Friday, July 23, 2004
What to say?
Well, i did manage to get in some bball practice yesterday... And i somewhat regretted it today... Imagine, lifting 30kg weight, holding it in place except for small shifts in position for 5 mins straight... Now visualise me, with my arms aching from the previous day's workout, holding a 30kg tank roller in that way with the thing being greasier than the oily man... And also fixing the wheel systems and the suspension systems of the tank... Needed to use 65mm socket! That thing was larger than my fist! and we had to tighten it with a hollow pipe!... All of us got so pissed we decided to sabotage the next batch of trainees(i.e BTT 15 hehe) Pulling to the call of 'SABO!' dragon boat style, we all tightened every bolt nut and screw tt... Well, we might as well have welded the damn things onto the tank... BTT15 better start praying, cos they ain't got a chance against those currently immovable 'movable' parts...
Anyway, we also had to test out the idler wheel as well as the sprocket wheel(for the unenlightened, think the free wheeling front wheel of a car and driver back wheels respectively... only completely made of metal, and requires 2 young men to carry each wheel).
So yes, your truly had to once again be 'volunteered', or should i say arrowed, by the instructor no less, to carry a really heavy sprocket wheel... and that was the only fun part of the day, we were allowed to use the hammer to punch out the old bolts and replace them... So i err jus used a nice 1kg hammer... And did in 1 hit what the other took 4-5 hits to remove... Was fun... like playing that children's arcade game of the plastic hammer, and those hemisperical objects popping out for u to hit... Only this was more fun! *evil grin*
All in all, a really really tiring day... that makes three in a row... Thank God for small favours... Thank God for saturday!... Day to not really relax but still less stress... haha...
Anyway, we also had to test out the idler wheel as well as the sprocket wheel(for the unenlightened, think the free wheeling front wheel of a car and driver back wheels respectively... only completely made of metal, and requires 2 young men to carry each wheel).
So yes, your truly had to once again be 'volunteered', or should i say arrowed, by the instructor no less, to carry a really heavy sprocket wheel... and that was the only fun part of the day, we were allowed to use the hammer to punch out the old bolts and replace them... So i err jus used a nice 1kg hammer... And did in 1 hit what the other took 4-5 hits to remove... Was fun... like playing that children's arcade game of the plastic hammer, and those hemisperical objects popping out for u to hit... Only this was more fun! *evil grin*
All in all, a really really tiring day... that makes three in a row... Thank God for small favours... Thank God for saturday!... Day to not really relax but still less stress... haha...
Wednesday, July 21, 2004
Hmm night time...
And once again I'm alone, and thinking about myself, and trying something out... I'm not gonna message anyone i see on MSN and see how many will msg me first... So far it's been half an hour and the answer is none... Hmm, lit/psychology question, what does this imply? Unfotunately it implies 2 things to me now... Firstly, that even when people see me, they dun msg me cos they're interested in talking to me... Secondly, that my good friends haven't come online yet the people who actually like to 'see' me... Anyway the conclusion to this random thought is... Since so few people seem to care about me, i'll start caring for myself... Hmm i also realised i've been indulging myself entirely too much. After i recovered from my cough, (ok so i haven't completely recovered yet, with my fever and bleeding nose), I haven't been playing basketball... So I will so what i've been too lazy to do these past few weeks, which is to start concentrating on being a better bball player... First of all, with my shooting, then prolly running... I mean i dun really have anything else better to do...
Monday, July 19, 2004
19th july
I'm starting to really hate tt tank... Haiz, i also tempted to scratch my skin off..., itching like mad... oh well...
Sunday, July 18, 2004
Random thots...
1.) Bball... I miss it... loads... I wonder if i can hit a 15 footer anymore?... prolly not...
2.) Books... Been really speeding through all my books... need to find a new outlet soon...
3.) I currently have three frens... Who i actually go out with... oh joy...
4.) I'm sad to be happy and happy to be sad... dunno what it means? examine urself, and if u still dun understand, u're too young... stay tt way pls! young is good
5.) Miss lit, miss bball, miss soccer, miss pool, miss badminton, miss tennis, miss solving equations, miss triumph in achievement, miss flirting(yes, i'm not a saint), miss my hp(using my sis's old one now, no camera phones in camp), miss myself(i noe i've changed)
6.) The miss are not ppl... i'm not TT depraved...
7.) I'm toking to myself on a computer... oh the all encompassing joy of this revelation regarding my newfound meaningless existence...(hmm a nice quote, i'd better copy it down somewhere..)
2.) Books... Been really speeding through all my books... need to find a new outlet soon...
3.) I currently have three frens... Who i actually go out with... oh joy...
4.) I'm sad to be happy and happy to be sad... dunno what it means? examine urself, and if u still dun understand, u're too young... stay tt way pls! young is good
5.) Miss lit, miss bball, miss soccer, miss pool, miss badminton, miss tennis, miss solving equations, miss triumph in achievement, miss flirting(yes, i'm not a saint), miss my hp(using my sis's old one now, no camera phones in camp), miss myself(i noe i've changed)
6.) The miss are not ppl... i'm not TT depraved...
7.) I'm toking to myself on a computer... oh the all encompassing joy of this revelation regarding my newfound meaningless existence...(hmm a nice quote, i'd better copy it down somewhere..)
Saturday, July 17, 2004
Bittersweet...
Have u ever had a day or even a situation where you are simply at a loss? For 2 hrs straight? While acting normally and talking to a friend? I sincerely pray that she won't read this entry but I need to get this out. After 7 months of dodging and heartbreak(for me), Ishan finally agreed to meet me... And the girl which I thot of for every single day of tt 7 months... Well, I don't know what i expected, yet, I could feel it missing. She broke 3 promises that i could remember, but humans are not infallible so i could forgive her tt. She confused me once again, turned everything i said around by acting blur and paying attention to the words tt jus weren't impt. And also the way she did things... I got the impresion she jus wasn't really happy at all... So i... Well, i basically left her early..., i had a headache, but it wasn't as bad as i claimed it to be... I admit i was also to blame... I wanted so much to bring things up... But tt night... I jus couldn't... I jus got really irritated at her, and not in a rational way either. I got depressed, heartache, and the lowest pt of my life... for basically nothing... And after 7 months i'm jus plain tired of it all... I hope i nvr see her again, yet, i hope not... can anyone understand?... I also am happy i'm over her, yet, sad... For she also brought me to one of the highest pts of my life... once...
Thursday, July 15, 2004
Tuesday, July 13, 2004
Mom's bdae...
Well, wasn't a great big celebration, but i'm glad i got mom some presents and a poem i wrote for her :) Hmm in other news, i had another happy happy day..., Now i wish i'd joined the SAF arts and drama school... sigh... oh well...
Monday, July 12, 2004
Random Thot...
I wonder why people even bother to waste their time and money on drugs, beer and smoking, when there're so many greater things to get addicted to haha... Music for one thing, I could jus jam with the people i click with for a whole day, so what if i can't hear well after? So what if i laugh till i can't really breathe all tt well, sing till my throat hurts? It jus feels great. Hmm i admit i'm not addicted to smoking or drinking or drug abuse, but i AM addicted to reading and music...I jus can't get enuff of them. I came to this revelation today in camp :) Had a smile on my face the whole day cos of this extra 'chore'... to be in a band for OC evening... To sing... :P The grp of us were excused from everything, and jus told to practice :) and basically, we jammed... Even though i ended up teaching almost everyone the different ways of playing the song, best part was i only heard that song last week from someone else in the band...(they couldn't figure out the chords and the timing.. i had to play the drums and fiddle with almost every instrument to get them the notes they needed to play) But i managed to touch every instrument, had a special time with each and every single one of them :) and played all of them :) Fantastic fantastic day, wasn't boring at all, and tho i should be tired, i'm not, I jus wanna practice somemore :) Haiz, i still miss choir lots, i'm not sure anyone can understand how i feel abt music... It's jus simply, order in a chaotic world :)
"Kryptonite" by 3 Doors Down
I took a walk around the world
To ease my troubled mind
I left my body laying somewhere
In the sands of time
I watched the world float
To the dark side of the moon
I feel there is nothing I can do, yeah
I watched the world float
To the dark side of the moon
After all I knew it had to be
Something to do with you
I really don’t mind what happens now and then
As long as you’ll be my friend at the end
If I go crazy then will you still
Call me Superman
If I’m alive and well, will you be
There a-holding my hand
I’ll keep you by my side
With my superhuman might
Kryptonite
You called me strong, you called me weak,
But still your secrets I will keep
You took for granted all the times
I never let you down
You stumbled in and bumped your head,
If not for me then you would be dead
I picked you up and put you back
On solid ground
If I go crazy then will you still
Call me Superman
If I’m alive and well,
Will you be there holding my hand
I’ll keep you by my side
With my superhuman might
Kryptonite
Yeah!!
If I go crazy then will you still
Call me Superman
If I’m alive and well, will you be there
Holding my hand
I’ll keep you by my side
With my superhuman might
Kryptonite
"Kryptonite" by 3 Doors Down
I took a walk around the world
To ease my troubled mind
I left my body laying somewhere
In the sands of time
I watched the world float
To the dark side of the moon
I feel there is nothing I can do, yeah
I watched the world float
To the dark side of the moon
After all I knew it had to be
Something to do with you
I really don’t mind what happens now and then
As long as you’ll be my friend at the end
If I go crazy then will you still
Call me Superman
If I’m alive and well, will you be
There a-holding my hand
I’ll keep you by my side
With my superhuman might
Kryptonite
You called me strong, you called me weak,
But still your secrets I will keep
You took for granted all the times
I never let you down
You stumbled in and bumped your head,
If not for me then you would be dead
I picked you up and put you back
On solid ground
If I go crazy then will you still
Call me Superman
If I’m alive and well,
Will you be there holding my hand
I’ll keep you by my side
With my superhuman might
Kryptonite
Yeah!!
If I go crazy then will you still
Call me Superman
If I’m alive and well, will you be there
Holding my hand
I’ll keep you by my side
With my superhuman might
Kryptonite
Sunday, July 11, 2004
Superman (Five for fighting)
I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
I'm just out to find
The better part of me
I'm more than a bird
I'm more than a plane
I'm more than some pretty face beside a train
And it's not easy to be me
I wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
'Bout a home I'll never see
It may sound absurd
But don't be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed
But won't you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
And it's not easy to be me
Up, up and away, away from me
Well it's alright
You can all sleep sound tonight
I'm not crazy or anything
I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
Men weren't meant to ride
With clouds between their knees
I'm only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
I'm only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me, inside of me
Inside of me, yeah inside of me, inside of me
I'm only a man in a funny red sheet
I'm only a man looking for a dream
I'm only a man in a funny red sheet
And it's not easy…
It's not easy to be me
(Superman, is tt who i aspire to be? Cos i can really understand this song)
I'm not that naive
I'm just out to find
The better part of me
I'm more than a bird
I'm more than a plane
I'm more than some pretty face beside a train
And it's not easy to be me
I wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
'Bout a home I'll never see
It may sound absurd
But don't be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed
But won't you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
And it's not easy to be me
Up, up and away, away from me
Well it's alright
You can all sleep sound tonight
I'm not crazy or anything
I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
Men weren't meant to ride
With clouds between their knees
I'm only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
I'm only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me, inside of me
Inside of me, yeah inside of me, inside of me
I'm only a man in a funny red sheet
I'm only a man looking for a dream
I'm only a man in a funny red sheet
And it's not easy…
It's not easy to be me
(Superman, is tt who i aspire to be? Cos i can really understand this song)
Wednesday, July 07, 2004
Sigh...
I hate days like this... Sometimes I wonder if I simply think too much, compare myself too much, have too high expectations of myself or even whether I'm not thinking enough... I mean, once again, in terms of the engine practical, i'm learning it the fastest, and doin new stuff the instructors dun even think of... Yet, it's really hard to follow the advice of M1ch... I want to continue to do this well, but it's simply so difficult cos i don't know what to do about my complacency... I mean, I've read all the notes beforehand, studied the engine on al sides till i can practically visualise it in my mind's eye, and i even know the various ways to make tools work where they're not supposed to work... I know the only thing standing in my way from being truly great at this is... My ability to read the circuit diagrams and practice... Yet I simply can't get down to it... I'm overly stressed from F*ing up during my practice infront of my mates, and the circuit diagram... well, i'm lazily trying to tell myself i'm at a disadvantage cos i'm not a poly student...Unfortunately, i noe myself too well... If i get down to it i noe i can do well even at something completely out of my depth... Hell, i've done jus tt several times in my life... Rock climbing, chinese language, field events and even in making friends(i used to be rather introverted... dun ask..) I jus, ... argh, i dunno, and everytime i feel stresed, i think of Ishan, and I still don't know why!... haiz..., hope tmr is better...
Saturday, July 03, 2004
Friday, July 02, 2004
I miss
so many ppl so many things so many experiences so many times... I miss my best frens i miss the ppl i like i miss my playstation2(haven't had time to play) I miss boating i miss skiing i miss jus being on the waves and doin archery, i miss the many times i had the experiences i had and i miss her i miss her... But the experiences i'm having now aren't exactly bad.. except tt i'lll miss them too... someday...
Wednesday, June 30, 2004
Tired but happy....
Lol, i didn't realise how much i missed my best fren... haha, i've known him for like a decade and he's 3 yrs older than me..., but we always seem to have something to tok abt, something to do together, something to jus laugh abt. Now tt he's back from his month-long student exchange programme, I me up with him today.. lol, three days after he returns... Ahh, i'm tired, but feel great, seem to be able to tok to him abt everything and anything... He's smart, I know his likes and dislikes, his modus operandi, even the way he likes to walk...(basically, he has poor psycho-motor ability so he stays far far away from ppl to avoid bumping them lol) I even know his weak areas in computer games and sport( a really slow reaction time..., but dun play strategy or timing games with him... he'll trash everyone...) Haiz, i've been to his house so many times i can go through his house in pitch darkness(and have done so plenty of times... lazy to find the light switch... dun need to anyway...) Jus remembering the times we played games... and i mean gameS! everything from slap jack in primary sch to Warhammer armies and games we invented ourselves to keep our neighbours and siblings happy(he has a sis same age as mine, and our neighbour is this boy we still keep in touch with...) Haiz, sometimes... I wished he was my bro...
Tuesday, June 29, 2004
Oh wheee...
Haiz, all i noe is tt i want to bury my head in the sand.. whether i'll laugh or cry after i achive tt... i don't know... I got back my SAT 2 results... I did even worse for my english then i did in sec 4... and i did better for my maths than in my physics for my 'A' levels, yet managed to do the exact opposite for my SAT 2... I'm here sitting in my chair thinking, wtf am i supposed to do now? I have no idea what i have an aptitude for and what I simply do well in cos i study it easily... Personality test jus make things worse.. almost al of them classify me as someone who has a high degree of logic or something similiar. Which causes me to think, then wtf do i do so badly for every subject? ah wth... I'll jus do what i had thot of doin..., cast my net far and wide, see what i catch... I'll try for physics engineering in UBC, psychology and business in Simon Fraser Uni, Law and businesss in Several US unis...
Monday, June 28, 2004
Drill...
and drill and drill and drill... Zzz... Haiz, have a parade tmr morning=today drill till it was picture and pitch perfect... 60 ppl stomping the floor dirt into submission and in synchronisation. With the background music of ,"lep...lep... lep, rite, lep..." and the occasional bellowing of, " Impeg kernan"(keep right),"Kirri Biluk!"(turn left),or thank God,"berhenti!"(halt). An hour of drill, and it wasn't exactly the music of the spheres... I also ended up thoroughly confused at the multiple engine mechanism that we were introduced to today... sigh... I can only remember now that the SM1 engine has a wet sump, a turbocharger, 2 camshafts(lobed), a crankshaft(yes this is not a typo), a crankcase, cylinder with pistons, rocker arm, lubrication system and i've forgotten the other dozen or so things... Oh well, at least i'm happy abt something.. my pull ups have improved slightly..., can do two confidently now... even on a full stomach and wearing the arm restricting 'smart 4'. Have to sleep early tonight, cos have to get up extra early for the parade tmr...
Anyway in other news not concerning army or my increasing ego... Ishan contacted me today as well as one of my oldest and best frens( i call him lunatic)..., One is back from china and the other vancouver respectively... I'm meeting my friend on wednesday to watch Spiderman! haha, and once again, have no idea when i can meet up with Ishan... And nowadays it barey hurts to think of her... I guess 7 months of absence does tt to a person...
Anyway in other news not concerning army or my increasing ego... Ishan contacted me today as well as one of my oldest and best frens( i call him lunatic)..., One is back from china and the other vancouver respectively... I'm meeting my friend on wednesday to watch Spiderman! haha, and once again, have no idea when i can meet up with Ishan... And nowadays it barey hurts to think of her... I guess 7 months of absence does tt to a person...
Saturday, June 26, 2004
Right here right now...
Lol, i composed another tune... Jus for the heck of it... This makes 4... I wonder if i'll play it for anyone else other than myself in future?... Hmm anyways, today was rather slack, tho i had a hard time fighting the Zzz monster... Accumulation of Guard Duty plus scoccer... Nothing much to say other than the thot tt's been on my mind all day... Ishan's coming back from China tmr! I wonder if she'll sms me she's back?...
Wednesday, June 23, 2004
Today was a good day
Or at least it was a day where i learnt something useful for a change, rather than sit around going crzy from boredom... Finally got a chance to use my brain again... Learning abut engines is really rather fun... The only thing hanging over my head the whole day was the fact that i have to do guard duty tmr...sigh... oh well..., can't have everything in life..., ok will blog even more when i have something i really need to say..., today is the day of a life that feels normal... for once in a long long time... And tt actually makes me happy haha...
Tuesday, June 22, 2004
Reading...
Well one thing i can say abt my unit... It sure enables me to catch up on my reading... well will blog more on the morrow... Too tired tonight...
Monday, June 21, 2004
Sad case
I've ended up using my sis's com, cos i was smart enuff to lock myself out of my own com... Yes u read it here first, i locked myself out of my own com without knowing how I did it... Well, not exactly the whole com... Jus the internet capabilities... I somehow erected a firewall preventing all internet connections and i'm not even sure how i did it. The best part is, in my zeal to repair it, i suspect i deleted the program which erected it in the first place... so i can't pull it down now. Haiz..., well i had a nice boring day at the AVTW/OETI/my unit for all u noobs hu dun understand what i'm saying... Sat till my butt was flat, went 4 a break, read course work that was so basic, i could prolly figure it out myself thro half an hour of try and error... And they gave us 3 hrs to read it... The most tiring part of the day was prolly the area cleaning... Haiz, y am i not surprised... Yay, pes C sai kang warriors... We unlike most of the NS soldiers train to be cleaners rather than soldiers... anyway i wana go chat with aunt now, so tat to those others reading :) alatabista...(i think tt's how it's spelt at least :P)
Sunday, June 20, 2004
This is the day ♪♫♪♫ that the Lord has made :)
lol, I simply love music... and particularly singing :)Yupz, i dunno y, there's simply something to it that's simple, yet so fantastic at the same time haha... Anyway, I had a nice day ok, not overly fantastic, but one of those days that makes u glad( or me more precisely) that i go to church. Being with frens, hearing theirs stories, helping out the younger ones, teaching those who want to know more. The feeling is jus... I don't know, i might get tired of it in yrs to come.. but jus..., not right now :) I also had a good time during driving, managed to get an instructor i was familiar with... He claims he's surprised i failed... Haha, and he fell asleep again when i was driving... He couldn't find my mistakes other than the 'blind spot' ones again... Oh well... I jus feel good today, i coughed little, had an enjoyable time with frens, and escorted a ex-cell grp member to her home... She's only sec 2..., I felt I had to :P Hmm this is the day ♫♪ :)
Saturday, June 19, 2004
Again
Haha, i must be a sucker for punishment or something... I asked the same girl out... again... and the result is the same again... I got pang seh at the last min.. again..., that makes 6 times she pang seh me in 4 months... Hmm, well at least i wasn't even surprised this time...I guessed i'm getting used to it... Oh well, i spent the day by myself... again... No one contacted me at all... except a church member who wants me to do something for the church... again..., so i said yes... as usual.. and life goes on... This repetition is getting boring... I wonder what would happen if instead of me being pang seh... I left other ppl hanging?...
Friday, June 18, 2004
Learnt a lesson today
I learnt a few things abt myself today... I really really shouldn't be idle..., doing anything sensible is much preferred over being completely and absurdly free... I mean, i realised I was much happier actually doing meaningful stuff as opposed to being free... I know most students and people in general look for free time... But it's not free time most people should be looking for, but time to do what is meaningful to them. Like me, although i get a much needed break from NS... I didn't feel happy until i filled up my schedule with stuff i needed/wanted to do... Like practice the guitar, read up on stuff relevant to my future NS work/studies, and basically catch up on my reading. I guess, i know what i must do to be happy nowadays, and this is also the reason y in every personality test i've ever taken, i'm supposed to be the uunsual one of being neither extroverted nor introverted, but a perfect balance of both. I dun care if i'm with people or whether i'm alone, as long as i'm doin something meaningful like catching up with old friends,hepling new, having fun with them, or simply staying at home and fixing stuff, i'm happy... I'm happy :)
Wednesday, June 16, 2004
Old poem ~ Irony of the world by S.L.J
I love the situations God puts me in,
I laugh at the irony even as,
I feel tears coursing down my cheeks,
With my heart clenching into knots.
To be tormented, again and again, on earth,
While trying to be an angel.
To be praised and looked up to to,
While not even trying.
I understand the busy ant-people,
I understand the rejecting of the inferior,
I understand the importance of family,
I understand the unintentional hurts.
But it still hurts when she says,' I'm too busy'
'There's someone else i like',
'My Mom has a day off, i'm not free',
'I'm sorry, i forgot, I'm going out with my friends.'
To laugh or cry,
To be angry or sad,
To demand or just accept,
Is my question.
I only know,
I'm depressed,
As i'm impressed,
By the irony of it all.
I laugh at the irony even as,
I feel tears coursing down my cheeks,
With my heart clenching into knots.
To be tormented, again and again, on earth,
While trying to be an angel.
To be praised and looked up to to,
While not even trying.
I understand the busy ant-people,
I understand the rejecting of the inferior,
I understand the importance of family,
I understand the unintentional hurts.
But it still hurts when she says,' I'm too busy'
'There's someone else i like',
'My Mom has a day off, i'm not free',
'I'm sorry, i forgot, I'm going out with my friends.'
To laugh or cry,
To be angry or sad,
To demand or just accept,
Is my question.
I only know,
I'm depressed,
As i'm impressed,
By the irony of it all.
Old poem ~ Lessons by S.L.J
Although I believe we would find,
A good road ahead, a favour in kind,
We should never leave,
What we've learnt behind.
From the capricity of human nature,
To the altruism of human nurture,
We come to understand,
How uncertain the future.
Love gained and Loved lost,
Ever we are ruled like Faust,
By power, greed, but finding not only in chemistry,
Changes irreversible, or heat lost.
We travel from beginning to end,
The journey on which life sends,
Of hardship, of pain,
Of a thousand footsteps in the sand.
The sandman cometh to all,
Only in sleep do we fly, and not stall.
Yet even in dreams, we find unstoppable,
The vision of the trench, in which lives fall.
Flat as a mirror, water on a still pond,
You reflect, on the shore beyond,
Then comes the stone, out of the blue,
And nostalgia, for thoughts we were fond.
Turned around, razzled, dazzled,
A change, this heralds!
A swerve in our very lives,
A shift in battle, a flag unfurled.
Adapt we must, or fight the tide,
Both invoke much hardship, I confide,
It is not an easy task,
But from this challenge, we cannot hide.
Soon enough the beach is still,
The ripples disappear,
The tide goes out,
And to the victor goes the spoils.
A good road ahead, a favour in kind,
We should never leave,
What we've learnt behind.
From the capricity of human nature,
To the altruism of human nurture,
We come to understand,
How uncertain the future.
Love gained and Loved lost,
Ever we are ruled like Faust,
By power, greed, but finding not only in chemistry,
Changes irreversible, or heat lost.
We travel from beginning to end,
The journey on which life sends,
Of hardship, of pain,
Of a thousand footsteps in the sand.
The sandman cometh to all,
Only in sleep do we fly, and not stall.
Yet even in dreams, we find unstoppable,
The vision of the trench, in which lives fall.
Flat as a mirror, water on a still pond,
You reflect, on the shore beyond,
Then comes the stone, out of the blue,
And nostalgia, for thoughts we were fond.
Turned around, razzled, dazzled,
A change, this heralds!
A swerve in our very lives,
A shift in battle, a flag unfurled.
Adapt we must, or fight the tide,
Both invoke much hardship, I confide,
It is not an easy task,
But from this challenge, we cannot hide.
Soon enough the beach is still,
The ripples disappear,
The tide goes out,
And to the victor goes the spoils.
It starts
The first day of the rest of my two years.... :P *sigh* I'm an automotive technician, 'A'class... What it breaks down to is...,
1.) I'm going to be a Armour class vehicle mechanic.
2.) In 3 months time I have to be posted to a stay-in unit(i.e. I go home only on weekends)
3.) That will be the story of my life for the next two years
4.) Most of the ppl of my pes( pes c9) will be having cushy jobs in offices as clerks
5.) These facts actually made me glad that i dun have a gf...(which is also rather sad)
haiz, oh well, at least i have 3 months' grace to relax a bit...
1.) I'm going to be a Armour class vehicle mechanic.
2.) In 3 months time I have to be posted to a stay-in unit(i.e. I go home only on weekends)
3.) That will be the story of my life for the next two years
4.) Most of the ppl of my pes( pes c9) will be having cushy jobs in offices as clerks
5.) These facts actually made me glad that i dun have a gf...(which is also rather sad)
haiz, oh well, at least i have 3 months' grace to relax a bit...
Monday, June 14, 2004
first day...
In my new posting. And i already feel tired... I basically am training to be a mechanic... that fixes tanks.... oh well, on the bright side it will be really interesting.. but it would've been better if i didn't have to do it in a military setting...
Saturday, June 12, 2004
Shit
Have you ever woken up feeling like shit? yes? Then what about waking up, with out being been on anything and feeling like shit? I mean i went to bed ok last night... Yet i wake up thinking, my block leave is practically over and what have I done in the meantime tpo show for it? 1.)failed my driving test 2.)Gone to a club and left at an unGodly early 12midnight 3.)Had a worship team gathering at my place 4.)Pang seh by the same girl again...
I agree with my friend, yes, i am a retard... And now I don't even know what i want to do today... Going to town is rather boring if u go alone... And staying at home jus compounds the stupidity... I think i'll go to Sim Lim , haven't been there in a while... jus go there and spaz out... Call me if anyone wants to do anything ok?... I'm goin nuts from boredom here..
I agree with my friend, yes, i am a retard... And now I don't even know what i want to do today... Going to town is rather boring if u go alone... And staying at home jus compounds the stupidity... I think i'll go to Sim Lim , haven't been there in a while... jus go there and spaz out... Call me if anyone wants to do anything ok?... I'm goin nuts from boredom here..
Announcement of the day
I failed, yup i did... Was nervous and did something i never have before... I hit the curb... twice... Fantastic... Oh well, spent the rest of the day doin stupid stuff, jus for the symmetry of it... I wish someone would jus come along and have a nice long chat with me, and that it would be an ointellectual conversation... I'm tired of NS 'men' telling me, 'eh and i went to this pub saw this girl', and, 'eh the sgt ah, ', or 'Haha, i'm sry i'm busy, like, everyday for the next 4 years, maybe another day ok?' , or better yet 'eh shaun, can help me do this this this this this this this this, cos i dunno how...'. Bloody hell, yes i noe how to do all of them... but aren't u supposed to know how as well? God... ok i'm done ranting feel better :) :P
Thursday, June 10, 2004
Ayer Rajah Camp
That really sux... you know how far that is? And the best part, it's near ACS(I)... The school that i had the most bad memories of...Hmm the funny thing is that i'm not going to become a clerk or a storeman, unlike what i first thot, i'm goin to be an automotive tech... i wonder what tt is... Hope it's something like a mechanic, that would actually be ratrher fun and i'd get to learn lots about engines and even use that knowledge often haha... Well pray hard :P Hmm in other news, my cough is getting worse, but i'm feeling better, weird huh? At least i haven't lost my voice yet... And my fren has told me she can't meet me today... so i'll stay at home and jus... Ba long long suck thumb as they say in the army...
Wednesday, June 09, 2004
Gunbound
Gunbound... well, honestly, i've lost some of the enthusiasm i had for it, but it's still rather fun... I think i'll go and play it for a while now....
Random Thot: I think i want to practice armour today.... lots of people are saying it's strong...
Random Thot: I think i want to practice armour today.... lots of people are saying it's strong...
Thoughts of the day
Thought 1.) Singing with Bronchitis feels great, but is hell to pay after
thought 2.) Entertaining worship team = flat wallet :P
3.) People really like to come to my house and jam..., maybe it's cos i have a drum set, guitar, and baby grand in the same rm...
4.) I used to think the dist from my house to the bus stop was short..., until today, after the 4th or 5th time i ran to the bus stop to pick up a lost traveller... Those slopes get steeper every time, i swear...
5.) I play the guitar well enough that a musical director from another church thinks i played it for at least 4 yrs..., the truth is closer to 8 months...
6.)I play the piano well enuff that a musical director from another church thinks i played it for at least 7yrs :P.... The truth is closer to 2 and a half...
7.)I think the music director is a quack cos he got random thot 5 and 6 completely wrong :P... so sad...
8.)The thot of losing my voice isn't really making me all that depressed... I wonder y?... haha maybe cos i dun really tok to anyone except through internet anymore?... ah, the life of an NS man... How... predictable...
9.) i should really stop this cos i get random thots all the time and if i listed all of them down, i'd get another few hundred in the meantime, thus creating a never ending story so... THE END
thought 2.) Entertaining worship team = flat wallet :P
3.) People really like to come to my house and jam..., maybe it's cos i have a drum set, guitar, and baby grand in the same rm...
4.) I used to think the dist from my house to the bus stop was short..., until today, after the 4th or 5th time i ran to the bus stop to pick up a lost traveller... Those slopes get steeper every time, i swear...
5.) I play the guitar well enough that a musical director from another church thinks i played it for at least 4 yrs..., the truth is closer to 8 months...
6.)I play the piano well enuff that a musical director from another church thinks i played it for at least 7yrs :P.... The truth is closer to 2 and a half...
7.)I think the music director is a quack cos he got random thot 5 and 6 completely wrong :P... so sad...
8.)The thot of losing my voice isn't really making me all that depressed... I wonder y?... haha maybe cos i dun really tok to anyone except through internet anymore?... ah, the life of an NS man... How... predictable...
9.) i should really stop this cos i get random thots all the time and if i listed all of them down, i'd get another few hundred in the meantime, thus creating a never ending story so... THE END
Tuesday, June 08, 2004
Day after P.O.C
Hmm, went to the doc today, after 12hrs of sleep, heh, discovered all my efforts were for naught, cos i managed to get bronchitis again... Which i think means i'll probably lose my voice again, and be really depressed again. It also means, due to the phlegm, I cannot play basketball, or do any strenuous activities... So physical training is out. I gues the only thing that leaves me is to study again... Study something that i'll probably forget in a year or two... Oh well, i guess i can study instrumentation instead... Improve my piano playing(cos it sux) and my guitar playing(getting better at it), and touch up on my old violin skills(cos that sux too...) Well, worship team gathering today... Will be busy soon, will post again tonight i guess :P I hope i manage to chat with either aunt or jamie or yuenteng... lol 3 girls that laugh so easily :P dun understand y they even get depressed sometimes, i tok to them short while only, they happy liao...
P.O.C.
Whee, for all non-pes C personnel, it means pass out ceremony. Basically it's a sit-down version of the passing out parade. Essentially what we all did today was, 1.)Sit down and listen to CSM talk about bullshit, as usual 2.)Took lots and lots and lots of photos 3.)Made the sgts pay for torturing us... in a friendly way... of course... i guess..., throwing them into the air and pouring ice water on them is NOT unfriendly. 4.)Bully the new enlistees from next door(cos technically we'e higher rank now..., privates to their recruit status :P yes evil!)5.)Ate some funny thing that SAF might actually have thought was a nice meal, but i viewed as a greasy, oily, finger of sausage wrapped in an equally oily, greasy fried bread...
Lol, i jus realised i have to go..., too tired..., fell asleep over the com typing that lat sentence.. will add more tmr... time now...2030 :P
Lol, i jus realised i have to go..., too tired..., fell asleep over the com typing that lat sentence.. will add more tmr... time now...2030 :P
Sunday, June 06, 2004
6th June
Well, today, I didn't do anything much really, ended up jus playing bball, and stoning in my cousin's house, playing taitee... Managed to get them all to quit playing taitee... The moment they mentioned pushups as penalty for having cards left, i left them owing me 169 pushups... The best part was they expected it... Anyway, managed to get my rhythm for basketball back.. finally, after 3 months of slack playing, i played seriously today... Managed to get my shooting and passes to their usual peak. Now all I need to brush up on is my centre move and strategy analysis, then i'll be my old self. i think in the upcoming two years, i'll try to make this as an example to the rest of my life, I'll do my best to improve as much as is humanly possible in basketball... If nothing else than to prove it to myself i can do it. Hmm, after that talk from my friend, where she said she felt i was being complacent in my activities, i started to believe that she is right. So i plan to train up every singleaspect of my life. Starting from basketball i'll train up my stamina and skill(basically for my own good health), then i will move on to improve my piano and guitar playing for the church. LAst after all that, i guess, I'll restudy everything in my 'A' level syllabus. Then test myself with the SAT 2. Tiring, insane? Well, one of my favourite things to say to others, is to 'take things one at a time'. I guess it's time to shape up, focusing on one thing at a time. Focus also has it's rewards. It excludes the extraneous details of life. And achievement would taste so much sweeter. With goals set and goals met. Well, i have goals now, and i'll try to meet them... I really dun thing they'll kill me... haha, feel good today... Jus damn tired :P anyway jus wanna say, thx aunt...
Saturday, June 05, 2004
Sigh...
I dunno what is wrong with me... I miss my classmates, yet, it takes me 2 hrs to decide whether or not i should go for what i had thot was a class gathering... I dun understand myself, maybe i have some nagging sixth sense that warns me off... Onli never to be heeded by my personality. I went, found out it was actually my fren's birthday, and that onli 2 classmates went. It was rather sad actually, a VJC guy, an 'A' level high scorer, who manages to get into the Airforce. A laudable high achiever, and the only people who bother to come are, 4 Army frens, 3 Classmates, 6 Bandmates, and 7 relatives... The food and chairs laid out clearly shows he expected/invited approx 30~40 people... If no one else feels bad, i feel bad for him.
Kinda reminded me of my birthday... At home with a broken foot with onli my family, friends mostly busy studying for prelims and 'A' levels... Well, it wasn't a really bad experience, had people like Aunt and jie and my best friend messaging me most of the night, and i really love my parents and sis... But, I will always remember that night as one, where i felt acutely that i was missing something in my life. And it also pulls me to wonder, is there something wrong with me? Why can i do so much yet achieve so little? Why do I feel full yet empty at the same time? Is it me that is in the wrong?
Forgive me if my thoughts seem disjointed but this has always been the way my thoughts flow, not seamlessly, but all in a complex web that somehow connects when it shouldn't. I mean, i can play more instruments than most people, yet, i can't seem to get past a certain level. I can hear, and feel it in my soul, but i simply can't produce it. It was the same thing with Art classes, the basics i learnt with a 'snap' of my fingers, the shadows and the subtleties, i fail miserably, even when i can see the image clearly in my mind's eye.
Is it because i'm shallow? or stupid? Only able to grasp the basic due to my unusual experiences in life? Yet never able to obtain the beautiful complexities of the world? Why am I the jack of all trades, yet with all my heart and soul, unable to be the master of 1? With each thot, searching for an answer... I turn up more and more questions... Who am i? I have never leant towards the arts or sciences, because to me they are both of equal beauty and importance. Art is the key to human civilty and altruism, science the key to humanity's logic and reasoning processes. They are both that make a person human, and both are not mutually exclusive. But here is another problem, nature in meshing everything together also causes them to split apart... Nature hates a vacuum, yet there is space. Nature adores symmetry, yet careful observation yields asymmetry in everything. Nature adores evolution, the process of logic, where one thing changes to become better, yet chaos theory also works, a butterfly in Texas causes a hurricane in Japan. So does my mind try to find order in my life, and yet altough i control my actions, i'm hit by impulses every so often.
What am i doin? I don't even know... Do i even want a girlfriend? Or a throphy I can show my friends? Am i even worthy of such? The more I think of it the more I am apalled by the comparisons i make. gir;s are meant to be cherished, yet i find myself coldly calculating their looks and their personalities and ages... I don't know what i'm doin anymore, i don't know what i want and i don't know if i'm doin the right thing. I feel like a person who stops looks around and sees a crossroads from hell, paths leading away in every direction 360 degrees. I don't even know who to turn to. Haha, I post this here so that people will knwo i'm slowly goin mad. My best friend, who i used to teach maths, chinese chess moves, and ways of thinking to improve memory... Now leaves me behind, achieving Best student at his JC, achieving so much which i can't, and i KNOW i'm jealous. I should be happy for him, and i am, but, the snake worms in my heart. My friends who i chat with regularly on the net... Almost every single one of them has scored better than me, and i've been jealous and envious of every single one of them. I'm only human.
So what if i can grasp concepts faster than almost everyone i noe? So what if i can learn physical components like games and instruments faster than almost everyone i noe? So what? So what if i can read c++ by teaching myself? So what if i know topics of interest and knowledge from almost every topic on earth? So what? so what? There will always be someone who can do it better than me.
I used to want to be the best in at least one subject, then i settled for being above average, now.... I can't even do tt, i'm so stupid i can't even kep up with my peers. I've lost a lot of self respect over these 6 yrs... And i can't find a way to get it back... I'm almost 19 and i can't even get past 2nd base with a girl... And i think it's all my fault..., jus dunno what i'm doin wrong... sigh...
Honestly, if u read this and u think u know what's wrong with me, jus tell me str8to my face, i want to change bt i don't know how... pls... thx i guess...
Kinda reminded me of my birthday... At home with a broken foot with onli my family, friends mostly busy studying for prelims and 'A' levels... Well, it wasn't a really bad experience, had people like Aunt and jie and my best friend messaging me most of the night, and i really love my parents and sis... But, I will always remember that night as one, where i felt acutely that i was missing something in my life. And it also pulls me to wonder, is there something wrong with me? Why can i do so much yet achieve so little? Why do I feel full yet empty at the same time? Is it me that is in the wrong?
Forgive me if my thoughts seem disjointed but this has always been the way my thoughts flow, not seamlessly, but all in a complex web that somehow connects when it shouldn't. I mean, i can play more instruments than most people, yet, i can't seem to get past a certain level. I can hear, and feel it in my soul, but i simply can't produce it. It was the same thing with Art classes, the basics i learnt with a 'snap' of my fingers, the shadows and the subtleties, i fail miserably, even when i can see the image clearly in my mind's eye.
Is it because i'm shallow? or stupid? Only able to grasp the basic due to my unusual experiences in life? Yet never able to obtain the beautiful complexities of the world? Why am I the jack of all trades, yet with all my heart and soul, unable to be the master of 1? With each thot, searching for an answer... I turn up more and more questions... Who am i? I have never leant towards the arts or sciences, because to me they are both of equal beauty and importance. Art is the key to human civilty and altruism, science the key to humanity's logic and reasoning processes. They are both that make a person human, and both are not mutually exclusive. But here is another problem, nature in meshing everything together also causes them to split apart... Nature hates a vacuum, yet there is space. Nature adores symmetry, yet careful observation yields asymmetry in everything. Nature adores evolution, the process of logic, where one thing changes to become better, yet chaos theory also works, a butterfly in Texas causes a hurricane in Japan. So does my mind try to find order in my life, and yet altough i control my actions, i'm hit by impulses every so often.
What am i doin? I don't even know... Do i even want a girlfriend? Or a throphy I can show my friends? Am i even worthy of such? The more I think of it the more I am apalled by the comparisons i make. gir;s are meant to be cherished, yet i find myself coldly calculating their looks and their personalities and ages... I don't know what i'm doin anymore, i don't know what i want and i don't know if i'm doin the right thing. I feel like a person who stops looks around and sees a crossroads from hell, paths leading away in every direction 360 degrees. I don't even know who to turn to. Haha, I post this here so that people will knwo i'm slowly goin mad. My best friend, who i used to teach maths, chinese chess moves, and ways of thinking to improve memory... Now leaves me behind, achieving Best student at his JC, achieving so much which i can't, and i KNOW i'm jealous. I should be happy for him, and i am, but, the snake worms in my heart. My friends who i chat with regularly on the net... Almost every single one of them has scored better than me, and i've been jealous and envious of every single one of them. I'm only human.
So what if i can grasp concepts faster than almost everyone i noe? So what if i can learn physical components like games and instruments faster than almost everyone i noe? So what? So what if i can read c++ by teaching myself? So what if i know topics of interest and knowledge from almost every topic on earth? So what? so what? There will always be someone who can do it better than me.
I used to want to be the best in at least one subject, then i settled for being above average, now.... I can't even do tt, i'm so stupid i can't even kep up with my peers. I've lost a lot of self respect over these 6 yrs... And i can't find a way to get it back... I'm almost 19 and i can't even get past 2nd base with a girl... And i think it's all my fault..., jus dunno what i'm doin wrong... sigh...
Honestly, if u read this and u think u know what's wrong with me, jus tell me str8to my face, i want to change bt i don't know how... pls... thx i guess...
Friday, June 04, 2004
Kingdomality????
Your distinct personality, The White Knight, might be found in most of the thriving kingdoms of the time. Don Quixote was a White Knight as was Joan of Arc, the Lone Ranger and Crusader Rabbit. As a White Knight you expect nothing in return for your good deeds. You are one of the true "Givers" of the world. You are the anonymous philanthropist who shares your wealth, your time and your life with others. To give, is its own reward and as a White Knight you seek no other. On the positive side you are merciful, sympathetic, helpful, giving and heroic. On the negative side you may be impulsively decisive, sentimental and misdirected. Interestingly, your preference is just as applicable in today's corporate kingdoms.
some swirve quiz
The Inspector
Dependable. Trustworthy. Practical. Down to earth. Does this sound familiar? You probably don't care for the fancy stuff and the high-wire lifestyle, either. Yes, you are BORING. Ok, that's a bit harsh, but you're a quiet person, and other people don't always see the whole you. There's nothing wrong with that -- who cares what they think? There are more important things in the world anyway.
In group situations, you are often the most important cog. After all, it's your job to make sure that everything gets done right. Sometimes, this means its your job to do it all yourself, but that's another story. You make sure things run smoothly and without you, things would probably go very, very wrong.
Your attention to details is something often lacking in today's fast-paced world. Remembering birthdays and anniversaries comes easily to you, and the the little things make all the difference. In your family life, you will make an excellent husband or wife, father or mother. Your practical side ensures that the little things are taken care of, and that the house and home is maintained both physically and emotionally.
Possible Careers: Accountant, Lawyer (p.s yes i'm boring i admit it...)
The Teacher (the second vocation)
Potential: It's a word you think about more than most others. You like the idea of what can be as opposed to what is. That's where the Teacher in you shows up. You won't necessarily be a teacher professionally, but that's not what this is all about. You know how to get the most of out people, and that is a talent that is very valuable.
You're the consummate planner, good with people and good with ideas. Creative and quick, you can respond to any problem with a plan, and you can get the people around you to make it work. When you're around, things go the way they are supposed to. This makes you feel good, right? Yeah, it's supposed to.
All of this is great, but there is a downside too. Your ability to make others shine means you're often in the background. You don't get the credit you deserve, and that really sucks, even if you refuse to admit it. Hopefully, sometime down the road, someone who's life you changed will come back and sing "Wind Beneath My Wings" for you. This will make it all worth it.
(lol, the more personality tests i do, the more i DON'T understand myself :P hahaa... but so fun to see )
Dependable. Trustworthy. Practical. Down to earth. Does this sound familiar? You probably don't care for the fancy stuff and the high-wire lifestyle, either. Yes, you are BORING. Ok, that's a bit harsh, but you're a quiet person, and other people don't always see the whole you. There's nothing wrong with that -- who cares what they think? There are more important things in the world anyway.
In group situations, you are often the most important cog. After all, it's your job to make sure that everything gets done right. Sometimes, this means its your job to do it all yourself, but that's another story. You make sure things run smoothly and without you, things would probably go very, very wrong.
Your attention to details is something often lacking in today's fast-paced world. Remembering birthdays and anniversaries comes easily to you, and the the little things make all the difference. In your family life, you will make an excellent husband or wife, father or mother. Your practical side ensures that the little things are taken care of, and that the house and home is maintained both physically and emotionally.
Possible Careers: Accountant, Lawyer (p.s yes i'm boring i admit it...)
The Teacher (the second vocation)
Potential: It's a word you think about more than most others. You like the idea of what can be as opposed to what is. That's where the Teacher in you shows up. You won't necessarily be a teacher professionally, but that's not what this is all about. You know how to get the most of out people, and that is a talent that is very valuable.
You're the consummate planner, good with people and good with ideas. Creative and quick, you can respond to any problem with a plan, and you can get the people around you to make it work. When you're around, things go the way they are supposed to. This makes you feel good, right? Yeah, it's supposed to.
All of this is great, but there is a downside too. Your ability to make others shine means you're often in the background. You don't get the credit you deserve, and that really sucks, even if you refuse to admit it. Hopefully, sometime down the road, someone who's life you changed will come back and sing "Wind Beneath My Wings" for you. This will make it all worth it.
(lol, the more personality tests i do, the more i DON'T understand myself :P hahaa... but so fun to see )
I'm back!
Hmm i'm back at home, chatting with some ppl now so i can gear up and start studying for my SAT II test... Wonders of wonders i finally see Ishan online, lol, talking to her is both a joy and a heartbreak, haha, i think i better tok less abt her here now, cos i'm gonna give her this blog site addy :P Wait she read my past entries, and then I die! Haha, tho there's less here than in my previous blog :P Anyway, I think i'll sleep early tonight, think of a way i can help my fren jaesson... He's kinda depressed over a girl, and i noe the feeling... Oh well, cheers!
Wednesday, June 02, 2004
First thing in the morning
I wake up, yell at my sis to hurry up and jus rush abt doin stuff haha... Managed to get my hair cut, went to the doc to get more meds and ended up in Serangoon Gardens with my maid... I finally thot of something today, abt myself, maybe the reason y i'm like this is cos i want to feel like i'm apreciated and needed. And when no one needs me, or when everyone is self-sufficient i get depressed, read abt a character like tt once... Lol, I dunno lah, all i noe is that i'm trying to understand myself, but simply can't... Will continue to introspect myself lol cheers :P
3rd june
What is this?... I feel tired and confused..., My brain isn't working well now... Hmm, a thousand thots are running through my head... haiz, sometimes, i wonder y girls are like tt, and y i'm like tt. So over protective of girls, i mean they're not exactly defenseless, on the contrary i have reason to believe they're even stronger emotionally than i am. Yet there's something abt them, that causes me to... argh, can't think... think i'll go do one of my fav meditations..., playing an instrument...
Hmm night time...
Well i'm feeling mucho better, lol, due to some prayer and actual research...Sat II is easier than i thot, and well, the rest I prayed and will leave to God i guess :P There's actually nothing i can do abt any of them anyway, so i realised... Jus take em one at a time and let God and circumstance handle the rest :) The best part of the day was I managed to help a fren, a bit at least :P Haha, I dunno how much i helped, but I glad i did help a bit :P
Anyways, I was watching Discovery Channel this morning, and saw a report that meditation increases the happiness of an individual, any individual, and the more i thot abt it the more I felt it was true. Whenever I Prayed or simply jus quietened my heart and mind to think about anything, I could feel loved and jus a greater conciousness surrounding me, making my troubles seem so petty sometimes. When in this state, it's so easy to find solutions to problems and to jus disregard some problems altogether. I.e. I can think less emotionally and more logically in steps to solving problems... and problems which i can't help, well, there's no use in worrying abt them, since they would happen anyway, jus tackle them one at a time. Life is so simple and filling when I pray, the shadows recede and God's light fills my hara I am truly blessed to have found Him again in Sec 3, the year before most of the greatest trials in my life...
Anyways, I was watching Discovery Channel this morning, and saw a report that meditation increases the happiness of an individual, any individual, and the more i thot abt it the more I felt it was true. Whenever I Prayed or simply jus quietened my heart and mind to think about anything, I could feel loved and jus a greater conciousness surrounding me, making my troubles seem so petty sometimes. When in this state, it's so easy to find solutions to problems and to jus disregard some problems altogether. I.e. I can think less emotionally and more logically in steps to solving problems... and problems which i can't help, well, there's no use in worrying abt them, since they would happen anyway, jus tackle them one at a time. Life is so simple and filling when I pray, the shadows recede and God's light fills my hara I am truly blessed to have found Him again in Sec 3, the year before most of the greatest trials in my life...
Tuesday, June 01, 2004
2nd June
Hmm, well it's a day of mixed blessings, my hard work in camp finally finally paid off..., resulting in me being able to book in on thurs afternoon rather than weds night and book out on fri night rather than sat morning... Unlike the other slackers... Yet, i find these two advantages to be more precios than i had imagined... In jus one day i find out...
1.) I had forgotten that i had an SAT II test on sat...
2.) Due to this i hadn't studied
3.) I was invited to a gathering of old classmates on sat evening
4.) My best friend wants to play bball on sunday...
The rest days now become more usful and valuable in that...
1.) I have slightly more time to study
2.) I can actually make it for the SAT II test
3.) I can get more rest and enjoy the gathering more
4.) I will definitely have time to meet up with my best fren :)
But...
1.) Had really wanted to use the time to sleep and get better, stil really sick
2.) Wanted to tok to Ishan, but now i find myself struggling to do work tt i haven't had practice in for months
3.)I'm at my wits end looking for time..., I had too much time to myself 2 weeks ago and now... 4 ppl contact me, and want me...(ok want is not exactly the word i wanted... but my brain is overloading...)
4.) When i felt so stressed over studying last night, the first person I thot of was Ishan... followed by Aunt... :P Haiz, guess, well, haven't gotten over her jus quite yet, and I had jus seen Aunt online...(always a source of good auntie comforting haha, must listen to elders :P)
5.) I jus feel tired..., I want to worship my bed, cos i'm sleeping on the floor in camp..., my bed broke, and the seargeants are too bloody lazy to replace it.
God, i jus feel so pressed for time, when i had all the time in the world last week..., and this always happens... sigh...
1.) I had forgotten that i had an SAT II test on sat...
2.) Due to this i hadn't studied
3.) I was invited to a gathering of old classmates on sat evening
4.) My best friend wants to play bball on sunday...
The rest days now become more usful and valuable in that...
1.) I have slightly more time to study
2.) I can actually make it for the SAT II test
3.) I can get more rest and enjoy the gathering more
4.) I will definitely have time to meet up with my best fren :)
But...
1.) Had really wanted to use the time to sleep and get better, stil really sick
2.) Wanted to tok to Ishan, but now i find myself struggling to do work tt i haven't had practice in for months
3.)I'm at my wits end looking for time..., I had too much time to myself 2 weeks ago and now... 4 ppl contact me, and want me...(ok want is not exactly the word i wanted... but my brain is overloading...)
4.) When i felt so stressed over studying last night, the first person I thot of was Ishan... followed by Aunt... :P Haiz, guess, well, haven't gotten over her jus quite yet, and I had jus seen Aunt online...(always a source of good auntie comforting haha, must listen to elders :P)
5.) I jus feel tired..., I want to worship my bed, cos i'm sleeping on the floor in camp..., my bed broke, and the seargeants are too bloody lazy to replace it.
God, i jus feel so pressed for time, when i had all the time in the world last week..., and this always happens... sigh...
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