My Lord strengthens me

Hey thanks everyone for your concern and stuff. After spending almost a full day of prayer yesterday I believe I have found myself once more. No I am still sick, but I have realized I do not need the gifts God gave me and took away to serve Him. I had spent most of my life without the gift of music and had come to take it for granted after God bestowed a talent for music in me. I realize serving Him in my utmost capacity is what He wants, not to give him a high level of worship, but to give Him my best level of worship.

I feel much better, nothing has been solved, I'm not feeling any better, but by the grace of God I now understand. I have always been myself, I only need give my best eevn on my lowest days, and Jesus will lift my graces the rest of the way. Feel so much better internally at least.


Footprints in the Sand

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.

In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, other times there was one only.

This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints, so I said to the Lord,

You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you, you would walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there has only been one set of footprints in the sand. Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?�

The Lord replied,
The years when you have seen only one set of footprints, my child, is when I carried you.


Thank you Lord

Save me

please

I drift, I burn, I fly
When you sing lullabies
I'm helpless, I'm yearning
I'm like the putty in your hands

I laugh, I dream, I cry
When you take me on a roller coaster ride
You see me through and through
You see just who i am
Just take my hand and

Save me from this place
Heaven knows I'm falling
For you, my sweet embrace
Heaven Knows
Heaven knows I've been waiting for you

I had a dream that i
was falling from the sky
At 90 miles an hour
I was bound to crash and die
But out of nowhere you came and rescued me
There must be some grace in the touch of your face
I'm so happy that I've found you
I'm no longer afraid

Oh ' cause you
Save me from this place
Heaven knows i'm falling
For you my sweet embrace
Heaven knows
Heaven knows I've been waiting

Before i met you
Life was slow-mo
So slow-mo
I thought i had it figured out
But you came and turned my whole world upside down

Save me from this place
Heaven knows I'm falling
For you, my sweet embrace
Heaven knows
Heaven knows you've come to

Save me from this place
Heaven knows I'm falling
For you, my sweet embrace
Heaven Knows
Heaven knows I've been waiting for you
Waiting for you

Nothing

Where is the light I used to have?

It's been almost a month since I last posted, and I am still sick. I have not regained my voice as yet. Many things have come and passed, I still cannot find the will to study for my life...

It's taken me so long just to understand small parts of myself, and it seems so ridiculous when other people seem to know themselves so well. I'm always introspecting, always alone, always judging other's actions and my own. I should stop.

Maybe I'm just too sick in my mind and in my body and soul, to fight off my depression. I love the fact that I've gained many valuable friends this study semester, but what has it cost me...

I've been sick for close to a month now... how does it feel to be well, I've forgotten? I even dream as though I've always talked in whispers. The precious gift of music God gave me is fading away, my greatest source of relief from sadness has been denied me, and though I smile and try my damnedest to keep my spirits up and my sense of humor, right this moment, I just want to give up the semester and go home. I want to be a quitter, I'm already a failure anyway, what's one more step?

God please help me regain my balance, my soul, and my gift from you... I know You love me, but why is it so hard when it seems no else does?