It's been almost a month since I last posted, and I am still sick. I have not regained my voice as yet. Many things have come and passed, I still cannot find the will to study for my life...
It's taken me so long just to understand small parts of myself, and it seems so ridiculous when other people seem to know themselves so well. I'm always introspecting, always alone, always judging other's actions and my own. I should stop.
Maybe I'm just too sick in my mind and in my body and soul, to fight off my depression. I love the fact that I've gained many valuable friends this study semester, but what has it cost me...
I've been sick for close to a month now... how does it feel to be well, I've forgotten? I even dream as though I've always talked in whispers. The precious gift of music God gave me is fading away, my greatest source of relief from sadness has been denied me, and though I smile and try my damnedest to keep my spirits up and my sense of humor, right this moment, I just want to give up the semester and go home. I want to be a quitter, I'm already a failure anyway, what's one more step?
God please help me regain my balance, my soul, and my gift from you... I know You love me, but why is it so hard when it seems no else does?
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