Saturday, July 31, 2004
The long Weekend
Didn't seem that long today... At least I managed to be really happy for once in a long long while... Went to play bball, then met u with friends, then after all that went to Sonic Fest... Cool christian festival... Had Rock and Pop groups playing chistian music. Had loads of fun... Hope i can do something like this again... In the near future...
Friday, July 30, 2004
Long Week End
Hm, an unexpected benefit of being altruistic... I went to donate blood in camp today... My first time, but felt I had to go, jus cos i could, and cos lots of ppl couldn't and even more who needed it... Anyway, cos of this i don't have to go in to work tmr... Not bad all considering...
Wednesday, July 28, 2004
Monday, July 26, 2004
Hmm...
After looking in on other people's blogs, i've decided that i'm gonna start keeping my blog short and sweet haha... Maybe i've been revealing too much of my thoughts online.. hmm, i'll try to keep my blogging to a daily basis tho... :), today was a tiring day... In both a literal and physcal sense haha...
Sunday, July 25, 2004
Sunday
sighz... Did i expect to feel needed and wanted this weekend? Many sad things this week. Hmm oh well, saddest things in order of saddest to not so sad are: 1.) Aunt been keeping less and less contact, i know she's busy and i dun blame... Jus tt i've seen this pattern b4 with another fren Nicholas... Who i now dunno where he is currrently living and basically nothing about his life now, and tok to him once a year... On icq... cool yeah?
2.) Haven't heard from Hansel, and to be expected, he's a great best friend, but the two of us have an uncanny knack of scheduling in opposite directions, he's always free when i'm not and vice versa.
3.) After sleeping a ridiculously long 10 hrs, i can still feel tired, i guess it's true one day of rest can't make up for three days lack-of-rest...
4.) I need music, to make it, mould it and add lyrics to it... But i'm finding it hard to do them together... I can make poetry but not make a tune that fits it... Also the people in my band in camp are getting bored... They don't feel the same way i do about music... And it's making me feel.. Well useless... I can play everything but i can't do everything myself... I admit i'm not a good leader... Hope i can be inspired to become one or at least have a leader step in to help...
Ok now to be fair... the good things... in a similiar order:
1.) Managed to earn some respect from the instructor... I can't remember what i did exactly, jus that over the past week he's been getting me to do stuff like make sure people aren't late etc, mostly leadership-like roles... And the way he puts this doesn't sound like he trying to sabo me... hmm oh well...
2.) Hmm started keeping in contact with a classmate i hadn't talked to in quite a while... Dun imagine it'll amount to much, but any friend is better than non i guess...
3.) Finally got my coveralls from camp... Now i won't look so much like a sore thumb wearing vest and slacks while everyone else is wearing coveralls...
Now if u compare the good verus the bad... I'm not sure if agree with me, but with CO evening coming up soon, things are jus plain bad to me... I'm tired, restless, have only other NS guys to talk to, miss music and basketball, and jus want to plain give up on everything and go become like the rest of the NS guys. Mindless drones that talk only exclusively of the Army, have no social life outside of the army, only jokes they know are crude ones, and have the intellectual vision of a frog in a well... Haiz, I think i'll opt for option three... which is tire myself out everyday with physical activities and making songs that i don't have to think so much on the futility of my asinine lifestyle due to the organisational abilities of the SAF, where i, Serve And Fuck-off.
2.) Haven't heard from Hansel, and to be expected, he's a great best friend, but the two of us have an uncanny knack of scheduling in opposite directions, he's always free when i'm not and vice versa.
3.) After sleeping a ridiculously long 10 hrs, i can still feel tired, i guess it's true one day of rest can't make up for three days lack-of-rest...
4.) I need music, to make it, mould it and add lyrics to it... But i'm finding it hard to do them together... I can make poetry but not make a tune that fits it... Also the people in my band in camp are getting bored... They don't feel the same way i do about music... And it's making me feel.. Well useless... I can play everything but i can't do everything myself... I admit i'm not a good leader... Hope i can be inspired to become one or at least have a leader step in to help...
Ok now to be fair... the good things... in a similiar order:
1.) Managed to earn some respect from the instructor... I can't remember what i did exactly, jus that over the past week he's been getting me to do stuff like make sure people aren't late etc, mostly leadership-like roles... And the way he puts this doesn't sound like he trying to sabo me... hmm oh well...
2.) Hmm started keeping in contact with a classmate i hadn't talked to in quite a while... Dun imagine it'll amount to much, but any friend is better than non i guess...
3.) Finally got my coveralls from camp... Now i won't look so much like a sore thumb wearing vest and slacks while everyone else is wearing coveralls...
Now if u compare the good verus the bad... I'm not sure if agree with me, but with CO evening coming up soon, things are jus plain bad to me... I'm tired, restless, have only other NS guys to talk to, miss music and basketball, and jus want to plain give up on everything and go become like the rest of the NS guys. Mindless drones that talk only exclusively of the Army, have no social life outside of the army, only jokes they know are crude ones, and have the intellectual vision of a frog in a well... Haiz, I think i'll opt for option three... which is tire myself out everyday with physical activities and making songs that i don't have to think so much on the futility of my asinine lifestyle due to the organisational abilities of the SAF, where i, Serve And Fuck-off.
Friday, July 23, 2004
What to say?
Well, i did manage to get in some bball practice yesterday... And i somewhat regretted it today... Imagine, lifting 30kg weight, holding it in place except for small shifts in position for 5 mins straight... Now visualise me, with my arms aching from the previous day's workout, holding a 30kg tank roller in that way with the thing being greasier than the oily man... And also fixing the wheel systems and the suspension systems of the tank... Needed to use 65mm socket! That thing was larger than my fist! and we had to tighten it with a hollow pipe!... All of us got so pissed we decided to sabotage the next batch of trainees(i.e BTT 15 hehe) Pulling to the call of 'SABO!' dragon boat style, we all tightened every bolt nut and screw tt... Well, we might as well have welded the damn things onto the tank... BTT15 better start praying, cos they ain't got a chance against those currently immovable 'movable' parts...
Anyway, we also had to test out the idler wheel as well as the sprocket wheel(for the unenlightened, think the free wheeling front wheel of a car and driver back wheels respectively... only completely made of metal, and requires 2 young men to carry each wheel).
So yes, your truly had to once again be 'volunteered', or should i say arrowed, by the instructor no less, to carry a really heavy sprocket wheel... and that was the only fun part of the day, we were allowed to use the hammer to punch out the old bolts and replace them... So i err jus used a nice 1kg hammer... And did in 1 hit what the other took 4-5 hits to remove... Was fun... like playing that children's arcade game of the plastic hammer, and those hemisperical objects popping out for u to hit... Only this was more fun! *evil grin*
All in all, a really really tiring day... that makes three in a row... Thank God for small favours... Thank God for saturday!... Day to not really relax but still less stress... haha...
Anyway, we also had to test out the idler wheel as well as the sprocket wheel(for the unenlightened, think the free wheeling front wheel of a car and driver back wheels respectively... only completely made of metal, and requires 2 young men to carry each wheel).
So yes, your truly had to once again be 'volunteered', or should i say arrowed, by the instructor no less, to carry a really heavy sprocket wheel... and that was the only fun part of the day, we were allowed to use the hammer to punch out the old bolts and replace them... So i err jus used a nice 1kg hammer... And did in 1 hit what the other took 4-5 hits to remove... Was fun... like playing that children's arcade game of the plastic hammer, and those hemisperical objects popping out for u to hit... Only this was more fun! *evil grin*
All in all, a really really tiring day... that makes three in a row... Thank God for small favours... Thank God for saturday!... Day to not really relax but still less stress... haha...
Wednesday, July 21, 2004
Hmm night time...
And once again I'm alone, and thinking about myself, and trying something out... I'm not gonna message anyone i see on MSN and see how many will msg me first... So far it's been half an hour and the answer is none... Hmm, lit/psychology question, what does this imply? Unfotunately it implies 2 things to me now... Firstly, that even when people see me, they dun msg me cos they're interested in talking to me... Secondly, that my good friends haven't come online yet the people who actually like to 'see' me... Anyway the conclusion to this random thought is... Since so few people seem to care about me, i'll start caring for myself... Hmm i also realised i've been indulging myself entirely too much. After i recovered from my cough, (ok so i haven't completely recovered yet, with my fever and bleeding nose), I haven't been playing basketball... So I will so what i've been too lazy to do these past few weeks, which is to start concentrating on being a better bball player... First of all, with my shooting, then prolly running... I mean i dun really have anything else better to do...
Monday, July 19, 2004
19th july
I'm starting to really hate tt tank... Haiz, i also tempted to scratch my skin off..., itching like mad... oh well...
Sunday, July 18, 2004
Random thots...
1.) Bball... I miss it... loads... I wonder if i can hit a 15 footer anymore?... prolly not...
2.) Books... Been really speeding through all my books... need to find a new outlet soon...
3.) I currently have three frens... Who i actually go out with... oh joy...
4.) I'm sad to be happy and happy to be sad... dunno what it means? examine urself, and if u still dun understand, u're too young... stay tt way pls! young is good
5.) Miss lit, miss bball, miss soccer, miss pool, miss badminton, miss tennis, miss solving equations, miss triumph in achievement, miss flirting(yes, i'm not a saint), miss my hp(using my sis's old one now, no camera phones in camp), miss myself(i noe i've changed)
6.) The miss are not ppl... i'm not TT depraved...
7.) I'm toking to myself on a computer... oh the all encompassing joy of this revelation regarding my newfound meaningless existence...(hmm a nice quote, i'd better copy it down somewhere..)
2.) Books... Been really speeding through all my books... need to find a new outlet soon...
3.) I currently have three frens... Who i actually go out with... oh joy...
4.) I'm sad to be happy and happy to be sad... dunno what it means? examine urself, and if u still dun understand, u're too young... stay tt way pls! young is good
5.) Miss lit, miss bball, miss soccer, miss pool, miss badminton, miss tennis, miss solving equations, miss triumph in achievement, miss flirting(yes, i'm not a saint), miss my hp(using my sis's old one now, no camera phones in camp), miss myself(i noe i've changed)
6.) The miss are not ppl... i'm not TT depraved...
7.) I'm toking to myself on a computer... oh the all encompassing joy of this revelation regarding my newfound meaningless existence...(hmm a nice quote, i'd better copy it down somewhere..)
Saturday, July 17, 2004
Bittersweet...
Have u ever had a day or even a situation where you are simply at a loss? For 2 hrs straight? While acting normally and talking to a friend? I sincerely pray that she won't read this entry but I need to get this out. After 7 months of dodging and heartbreak(for me), Ishan finally agreed to meet me... And the girl which I thot of for every single day of tt 7 months... Well, I don't know what i expected, yet, I could feel it missing. She broke 3 promises that i could remember, but humans are not infallible so i could forgive her tt. She confused me once again, turned everything i said around by acting blur and paying attention to the words tt jus weren't impt. And also the way she did things... I got the impresion she jus wasn't really happy at all... So i... Well, i basically left her early..., i had a headache, but it wasn't as bad as i claimed it to be... I admit i was also to blame... I wanted so much to bring things up... But tt night... I jus couldn't... I jus got really irritated at her, and not in a rational way either. I got depressed, heartache, and the lowest pt of my life... for basically nothing... And after 7 months i'm jus plain tired of it all... I hope i nvr see her again, yet, i hope not... can anyone understand?... I also am happy i'm over her, yet, sad... For she also brought me to one of the highest pts of my life... once...
Thursday, July 15, 2004
Tuesday, July 13, 2004
Mom's bdae...
Well, wasn't a great big celebration, but i'm glad i got mom some presents and a poem i wrote for her :) Hmm in other news, i had another happy happy day..., Now i wish i'd joined the SAF arts and drama school... sigh... oh well...
Monday, July 12, 2004
Random Thot...
I wonder why people even bother to waste their time and money on drugs, beer and smoking, when there're so many greater things to get addicted to haha... Music for one thing, I could jus jam with the people i click with for a whole day, so what if i can't hear well after? So what if i laugh till i can't really breathe all tt well, sing till my throat hurts? It jus feels great. Hmm i admit i'm not addicted to smoking or drinking or drug abuse, but i AM addicted to reading and music...I jus can't get enuff of them. I came to this revelation today in camp :) Had a smile on my face the whole day cos of this extra 'chore'... to be in a band for OC evening... To sing... :P The grp of us were excused from everything, and jus told to practice :) and basically, we jammed... Even though i ended up teaching almost everyone the different ways of playing the song, best part was i only heard that song last week from someone else in the band...(they couldn't figure out the chords and the timing.. i had to play the drums and fiddle with almost every instrument to get them the notes they needed to play) But i managed to touch every instrument, had a special time with each and every single one of them :) and played all of them :) Fantastic fantastic day, wasn't boring at all, and tho i should be tired, i'm not, I jus wanna practice somemore :) Haiz, i still miss choir lots, i'm not sure anyone can understand how i feel abt music... It's jus simply, order in a chaotic world :)
"Kryptonite" by 3 Doors Down
I took a walk around the world
To ease my troubled mind
I left my body laying somewhere
In the sands of time
I watched the world float
To the dark side of the moon
I feel there is nothing I can do, yeah
I watched the world float
To the dark side of the moon
After all I knew it had to be
Something to do with you
I really don’t mind what happens now and then
As long as you’ll be my friend at the end
If I go crazy then will you still
Call me Superman
If I’m alive and well, will you be
There a-holding my hand
I’ll keep you by my side
With my superhuman might
Kryptonite
You called me strong, you called me weak,
But still your secrets I will keep
You took for granted all the times
I never let you down
You stumbled in and bumped your head,
If not for me then you would be dead
I picked you up and put you back
On solid ground
If I go crazy then will you still
Call me Superman
If I’m alive and well,
Will you be there holding my hand
I’ll keep you by my side
With my superhuman might
Kryptonite
Yeah!!
If I go crazy then will you still
Call me Superman
If I’m alive and well, will you be there
Holding my hand
I’ll keep you by my side
With my superhuman might
Kryptonite
"Kryptonite" by 3 Doors Down
I took a walk around the world
To ease my troubled mind
I left my body laying somewhere
In the sands of time
I watched the world float
To the dark side of the moon
I feel there is nothing I can do, yeah
I watched the world float
To the dark side of the moon
After all I knew it had to be
Something to do with you
I really don’t mind what happens now and then
As long as you’ll be my friend at the end
If I go crazy then will you still
Call me Superman
If I’m alive and well, will you be
There a-holding my hand
I’ll keep you by my side
With my superhuman might
Kryptonite
You called me strong, you called me weak,
But still your secrets I will keep
You took for granted all the times
I never let you down
You stumbled in and bumped your head,
If not for me then you would be dead
I picked you up and put you back
On solid ground
If I go crazy then will you still
Call me Superman
If I’m alive and well,
Will you be there holding my hand
I’ll keep you by my side
With my superhuman might
Kryptonite
Yeah!!
If I go crazy then will you still
Call me Superman
If I’m alive and well, will you be there
Holding my hand
I’ll keep you by my side
With my superhuman might
Kryptonite
Sunday, July 11, 2004
Superman (Five for fighting)
I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
I'm just out to find
The better part of me
I'm more than a bird
I'm more than a plane
I'm more than some pretty face beside a train
And it's not easy to be me
I wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
'Bout a home I'll never see
It may sound absurd
But don't be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed
But won't you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
And it's not easy to be me
Up, up and away, away from me
Well it's alright
You can all sleep sound tonight
I'm not crazy or anything
I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
Men weren't meant to ride
With clouds between their knees
I'm only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
I'm only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me, inside of me
Inside of me, yeah inside of me, inside of me
I'm only a man in a funny red sheet
I'm only a man looking for a dream
I'm only a man in a funny red sheet
And it's not easy…
It's not easy to be me
(Superman, is tt who i aspire to be? Cos i can really understand this song)
I'm not that naive
I'm just out to find
The better part of me
I'm more than a bird
I'm more than a plane
I'm more than some pretty face beside a train
And it's not easy to be me
I wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
'Bout a home I'll never see
It may sound absurd
But don't be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed
But won't you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
And it's not easy to be me
Up, up and away, away from me
Well it's alright
You can all sleep sound tonight
I'm not crazy or anything
I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
Men weren't meant to ride
With clouds between their knees
I'm only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
I'm only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me, inside of me
Inside of me, yeah inside of me, inside of me
I'm only a man in a funny red sheet
I'm only a man looking for a dream
I'm only a man in a funny red sheet
And it's not easy…
It's not easy to be me
(Superman, is tt who i aspire to be? Cos i can really understand this song)
Wednesday, July 07, 2004
Sigh...
I hate days like this... Sometimes I wonder if I simply think too much, compare myself too much, have too high expectations of myself or even whether I'm not thinking enough... I mean, once again, in terms of the engine practical, i'm learning it the fastest, and doin new stuff the instructors dun even think of... Yet, it's really hard to follow the advice of M1ch... I want to continue to do this well, but it's simply so difficult cos i don't know what to do about my complacency... I mean, I've read all the notes beforehand, studied the engine on al sides till i can practically visualise it in my mind's eye, and i even know the various ways to make tools work where they're not supposed to work... I know the only thing standing in my way from being truly great at this is... My ability to read the circuit diagrams and practice... Yet I simply can't get down to it... I'm overly stressed from F*ing up during my practice infront of my mates, and the circuit diagram... well, i'm lazily trying to tell myself i'm at a disadvantage cos i'm not a poly student...Unfortunately, i noe myself too well... If i get down to it i noe i can do well even at something completely out of my depth... Hell, i've done jus tt several times in my life... Rock climbing, chinese language, field events and even in making friends(i used to be rather introverted... dun ask..) I jus, ... argh, i dunno, and everytime i feel stresed, i think of Ishan, and I still don't know why!... haiz..., hope tmr is better...
Saturday, July 03, 2004
Friday, July 02, 2004
I miss
so many ppl so many things so many experiences so many times... I miss my best frens i miss the ppl i like i miss my playstation2(haven't had time to play) I miss boating i miss skiing i miss jus being on the waves and doin archery, i miss the many times i had the experiences i had and i miss her i miss her... But the experiences i'm having now aren't exactly bad.. except tt i'lll miss them too... someday...
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