Sunday

sighz... Did i expect to feel needed and wanted this weekend? Many sad things this week. Hmm oh well, saddest things in order of saddest to not so sad are: 1.) Aunt been keeping less and less contact, i know she's busy and i dun blame... Jus tt i've seen this pattern b4 with another fren Nicholas... Who i now dunno where he is currrently living and basically nothing about his life now, and tok to him once a year... On icq... cool yeah?
2.) Haven't heard from Hansel, and to be expected, he's a great best friend, but the two of us have an uncanny knack of scheduling in opposite directions, he's always free when i'm not and vice versa.
3.) After sleeping a ridiculously long 10 hrs, i can still feel tired, i guess it's true one day of rest can't make up for three days lack-of-rest...
4.) I need music, to make it, mould it and add lyrics to it... But i'm finding it hard to do them together... I can make poetry but not make a tune that fits it... Also the people in my band in camp are getting bored... They don't feel the same way i do about music... And it's making me feel.. Well useless... I can play everything but i can't do everything myself... I admit i'm not a good leader... Hope i can be inspired to become one or at least have a leader step in to help...

Ok now to be fair... the good things... in a similiar order:
1.) Managed to earn some respect from the instructor... I can't remember what i did exactly, jus that over the past week he's been getting me to do stuff like make sure people aren't late etc, mostly leadership-like roles... And the way he puts this doesn't sound like he trying to sabo me... hmm oh well...
2.) Hmm started keeping in contact with a classmate i hadn't talked to in quite a while... Dun imagine it'll amount to much, but any friend is better than non i guess...
3.) Finally got my coveralls from camp... Now i won't look so much like a sore thumb wearing vest and slacks while everyone else is wearing coveralls...

Now if u compare the good verus the bad... I'm not sure if agree with me, but with CO evening coming up soon, things are jus plain bad to me... I'm tired, restless, have only other NS guys to talk to, miss music and basketball, and jus want to plain give up on everything and go become like the rest of the NS guys. Mindless drones that talk only exclusively of the Army, have no social life outside of the army, only jokes they know are crude ones, and have the intellectual vision of a frog in a well... Haiz, I think i'll opt for option three... which is tire myself out everyday with physical activities and making songs that i don't have to think so much on the futility of my asinine lifestyle due to the organisational abilities of the SAF, where i, Serve And Fuck-off.