I hate this.

Haiz. It never jus rains, it pours...In Vancouver, My Grandma died today. I'll be flying off on saturday to... I dunno, do everything I can. Although i seldom saw her, I loved her, a lot... She was the focal point of the maternal side of my family. For 60 years, she single handedly held the family together. When she moved to Vancouver, almost the whole Chia family moved there with her. Her strength of will, and determination to survive all the hardships I'd heard about. Especially when her husband, my grandpa, died abt 40 years ago. I hate this. I mean..., crap, one after another, the world just wants to see me thrown down, be hurt again and again... In a time of need I am always there, to help my sis, who's crying right now, to go to Vancouver, to soothe my Mom, who already left this morning. Inside, i feel like crying.. but the tears san't come... why?... Is it because i'm an unfeeling bastard? Is it because I believe I need to be strong for those who need me?... I so badly want to jus curl up into a ball and fall into a hole in my mind, where i'd either achieve stoicism or heck care anything and everything.

I'm leaving on saturday. If the mlitary won't give me leave, then i'll awol simple as tt. I really need a punching bag to hit right now... Or someone to talk to. Since the latter is the more difficult of the two to find..., guess i'll settle for the wall.. Knn