BGR

Was just thinking things over today... Didn't really have much to do other than just sit around and try to recover from my recent onslaught of illnesses... How can i say this without sounding sorry for myself?... Hmm, to put things simply, here I am, Bigger than most adults, old enough to be an adult in some countries, but still having no idea how dating works...

I'm going to be 20 soon enough, I'm 1.81m tall, and I don't even have to say my weight just for people to know I'm definitely heavier than most asian males. Yet, I've not known the difference detween going oout with a female friend, and dating. What exactly is a date? How do you make it obvious yet subtle that you're asking this certain person you like, that you want to date/court them? I mean in the Singaporean culture, it's kind of difficult to just state things boldly, yet a great deal of people don't correlate 'let's go out together' with 'I'm interested in you and I want to date you.' Is it really a blessing to be able to balance going out with both my male and female friends? I mean, I have no reason to shortchange either, since 'officially' I'm not attached and under no obligation to spend more time with either party...

Back to the topic at hand..., how do you just go about doin it? I know the two extremes pretty well, due the friends I have. The first of being a bachelor, and the second of having friends who have change bf/gf with almost the same frequency and reasons they buy a new set of underwear (cos it's embarrassing to get new ones in exchange for the old ones, until the old ones piss you off too much to ignore). I'm not really interested in either...

Unfortunately, I realise most of my female friends treat me like what the magazines call, the best 'gay' friend. Someone who is ok looking, won't embarrass them if they meet their friends, know won't come on to them strongly, and will be gentlemanly enough to foot the bill and all that stuff. (Yes I DO do all that, at least my parents taught me better, BUT I'm NOT GAY... Pigs.)

Haiz,... what to do? Each time I think about this topic or topics related to this, my self-confidence just takes a veritable nosedive into the marianna trench... I don't even know what I want, maybe that's part of the problem? I'm thankful for the girls who keep telling me, don't worry, you'll find someone someday, then I'd go home and laugh at the irony...(if you don't get the irony, well that's just too bad).

On a sidenote, I've finally sent out my University applications to Flinders University and University of Queensland. If all goes well I should receive an acceptance letter... If not then well, God may have other plans for me... Just see how it goes...

On watching Anger management, i realised a funny thing (ok funny to me), the psycholist said this, "There are two kinds of angry people, explosive and implosive. The explosive types are the ones you see at the petrol kiosk yelling at the cashier all the time, the implosive types are the ones that take flak all the time then SHOOTS everybody in the kiosk. You're the cashier." And I go and think... Yup that I am ...

hmm a long post... will post again some other day... Gott is mein hirst, mir wird ich mein geln :)