Hmm today

Haiz, I'm starting to resemble an old man... At least in terms of memory... I had completely forgotten I was supposed to practice and learn the songs for this sunday's worship. Now I'm doing my old choir technique of cramming.. saturating myself with the music until I know it instinctively... Not really all that great a technique. I end up learning the song within a ridiculously short amount of time, but unable to properly anticipate it. Meaning I can sing the song, but not with full support, and I won't be able to do backup singing well(i.e singing a third higher etc to make the sound fuller). Hmm I feel a bit guilty over it, but right now nothing can be done... Just need to prepare for the next worship more efficently... But after listening to the songs, I believe I can sing them well in time... Cos they're kinda nice and rather dis-similiar to those anal choir songs... The melodies are nice, and doing the backup part shouldn't be too difficult( at least the simple kind..., where I just sing the lyrics in a single pitch, the key of the song, with small variations :P).

Okay, enough about music, in other news, I am on mc for these two days, mostly due to sudden eye pains... Found it hard to see earlier this morning, and promptly reported to the camp's medical officer. After 15 minutes waiting time and a subsequent 10 minutes of him painfully beaming a light into my eyes, he muttered something about them not being dilated enough, and told me to go home and rest. Kind of an act of God I guess, here I am rushing for time to study my music, and He sends me home to do it haha. Guess it's a sign... Will try my best :)

Sadly, I am finding it very hard to connect to Him nowadays. I used to be able to feel Him in the many aspects of my life. The times where His nudging would allow me to make rather eccentric but ultimately correct decisions. He has spoken to me but once, it was what you would call a 'religious experience' haha. I love Him so much, but I feel like I've betrayed Him times beyond count, and maybe that's why He now keeps His distance from me. I don't pray enough, I don't do enough quiet time, I don't evangelise enough. I spend my time chatting with my friends on MSN, reading my books, playing my games, and playing my piano and guitar. I realise I have to give up one of the things I love in other to know Him more, but it's a hard choice.

Music is my one true love, it takes me on journeys through my mind, and the studies I've made in it help me appreciate everything more(for those who don't know, I'm generally self-taught, I play the bongo(type of drums), guitar, piano, violin and saxophone, though none really well...)

Books, have been my companion since childhood, whenever I'm lonely, stressed, worried, sad, depressed, basically at the lowest times of my life, books have kept me trudging on. They provide a world where everything I know ceases to be, and I can put down my burdens for a while. It's my secret place, the place where no one else knows, except it isn't a place to me, it a whole world within my mind, as I read.

I also value my friends too much not to talk to some of them each day. Due my history of moving houses and schools, I've lost something like 50 or more friends several times in my life. Now each and every one is precious to me in their own way, and I try to keep up with them for as long as I can.(I say as long as I can, cause I'm not stupid either, there's any number of reason why NOT to continue a friendship) Friends can be the great listener, the ones to share fun, trevails and thoughts with. They know you well enough to cooperate with you, stay silent when you don't feel like talking, talk when you need someone to talk to, trust you( most people don't understand how important this is). Hmm, I'm at a crossroads once again, I just pray God will give me time to come to terms with myself...

Heh, Err, to those who are reading this, I'm not depressed or anything, I'm just naturally balanced on the crux of being introverted and extroverted. Call this a retrospective blog entry... I'm actually quite cheerful right now, managed to get a lot of rest today, and feel better than I did this morning... Gonna get down to proper tudying of my music now. God bless to all who read this yeah :) Will blog again... Hopefully sometimes soon... :D