I realize I am a person who needs to interact with other people, yet at the same time I'm uncomfortable with too many people... It's weird... I feel... disjointed when I am completely undisturbed and have no book to absorb my attention within... I realize whenever I am on the computer I always use msn to chat with people... for no reason other than it keeps me from being truly alone... At the same time... I know I am not comfortable in a crowd of strangers. How do I strike a balance?
Anyway, the term is almost ending another 3 more weeks and I will be moving out of Bricker residence... I honestly don't know how I feel about it, it's been my 'home' for the past 8 months, and I have gotten rather comfortable here... in a sense... I don't really need much amenities and the only serious problem I have encountered is a chronic insomnia that strikes whenever ... I'm not too sure why yet, it just happens... I know when I move out I WILL miss this place...
In other news, i AM a bibliophile, it feels so uncomfortable without a book to read... I've refrained from purchasing books for the past month or so and have had a few withdrawal symptoms from the lack of textual material. I've been listless and restless... I've also been thinking waaay too much. I realize I still miss Aunt, but not talking or seeing her online helps somewhat... I might have been really stupid going about that though... I decided I WILL tell her when I'll be back in Singapore, but will refrain from contacting her before then... sigh... i really should keep that bracelet she gave me in a safe place... I see it lying beside my com everyday... At least I've stopped wearing it as though it were a religious item, or a prayer...
2 weeks to the midterms... I have no confidence in myself at all..., I'm coping with my flu, my insomnia, my stupidity, and my lack of self-confidence... How do I study? I mean, I know I've been to every single lecture and have never skipped even one, so I understand the material well enough. I just can't study recently... It isn't a matter of discipline, commitment or scheduling anymore. I square away time to study... and I sit and stare, or get sidetracked or simply can't understand what the heck I am looking at. Thank God the business New Venture project is almost over. That took up a huge load of my time... It's the only thing I have been somewhat serious in all term as it's something realistic that I want to try in future.
Where am I goin in my life... I have a goal in life yes, but is it the right direction? Most of my JC friends think I should be in the Arts... My Church friends think I should be in the music or sciences, I don't know what I want either... I know I love music but also know it's not viable plus I don't have the talent for it. Sigh, here I am going on this tangent again...
Need need need to do well in business.... Must do well... HAVE to do well... What else can I do in life?
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1 comment:
serve God. :)
in every small area!
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